- 1 week ago
Ep 5: Hans My Hedgehog. A farmer's wife wishes to have a child so badly she doesn't care what it looks like. As if by a miracle, she does get pregnant, but the child Hans looks like a cross between a human and a hedgehog. Nicknamed 'Grovelhog' by the other children and unaccepted by his father, Hans asks for a saddle for his giant chicken and leaves. Twenty years later a king who has lost his way stumbles upon the Grovelhog's castle. The creature helps the king find his way home, but demands to receive something in return: the first thing that greets the king on his way home. Unfortunately for the King, that turns out to be his daughter...
Starring John Hurt as the Storyteller, this story features David Swift, Helen Lindsay, Abigail Cruttenden, Eric Richard, Maggie Wilkinson, Jason Carter, Robin Summers, Ailsa Berk and Heather Hanson, with voices by Brian Henson (as the Storyteller's dog), Stephen Garlick and Terence Harvey. One of the fascinating things about watching this is spotting the familiar faces and here up pops Eric Richard (Sgt Cryer in The Bill) as Hans' less than happy father when they are finally blessed with issue, while a young Abigail Cruttenden (Benidorm, Not Going Out) appears as a young princess who finds her eagerness to greet her father finds her the subject of a forfeit. It seems her betrothed has a prickly personality...
Starring John Hurt as the Storyteller, this story features David Swift, Helen Lindsay, Abigail Cruttenden, Eric Richard, Maggie Wilkinson, Jason Carter, Robin Summers, Ailsa Berk and Heather Hanson, with voices by Brian Henson (as the Storyteller's dog), Stephen Garlick and Terence Harvey. One of the fascinating things about watching this is spotting the familiar faces and here up pops Eric Richard (Sgt Cryer in The Bill) as Hans' less than happy father when they are finally blessed with issue, while a young Abigail Cruttenden (Benidorm, Not Going Out) appears as a young princess who finds her eagerness to greet her father finds her the subject of a forfeit. It seems her betrothed has a prickly personality...
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00:00When people told themselves their past with stories,
00:13explained their present with stories,
00:16foretold the future with stories,
00:20the best place by the fire was kept for the storyteller.
00:30A story.
00:53Imagine a cold night and a dark night.
00:58A night like this one.
01:01And imagine a bed with a farmer and his wife fast asleep,
01:04snuggling up for warmth.
01:06And in this bed, the farmer, shivering, reaches out for his wife.
01:12But instead of a head, he finds a foot,
01:15because his missus is rubbing noses with their dog,
01:18who sleeps every night at the end of the bed.
01:21What kind of dog?
01:23I don't know. A dog. Some kind of dog.
01:26Some kind of dog. Terrific story.
01:30Should I bark?
01:32Oh, no!
01:34Just for tonight.
01:36Don't be dense, woman.
01:37One night, walnut. It might work.
01:40Sleeping upside down? What good's that gonna do?
01:43Midwife said it sometimes helps.
01:46You're not gonna get a child.
01:48If you want company, get a widow woman up from the village.
01:51I'll come up this end.
01:54I'm proper frozen.
01:58But the farmer's wife didn't want no widow for company.
02:03She wanted a baby.
02:05And she'd wanted this child for what seemed a lifetime
02:08until she couldn't bear to watch the lambs born,
02:11or the calves come, or the eggs hatch.
02:13It hurt her soul.
02:14And she drove the farmer mad with her cranky books
02:18and her cranky charms and remedies.
02:21They're stings.
02:23That's good.
02:25That's good?
02:26I'm making you a nice tonic and all.
02:28To be drunk night and morning.
02:30I want a child.
02:32I don't care if it were a strange thing
02:34made of marzipan or porridge.
02:36If it were ugly as a hedgehog.
02:37I want a baby to wrap in a bundle
02:42and sink to it and snoodle with
02:44and hug to bits.
02:49Now, to say you wouldn't care
02:51when you want something is a dangerous thing.
02:55That woman wanted a baby so bad
02:57she couldn't care what she got.
03:00If she got a hedgehog,
03:01she'd bring it snout to her breast.
03:04Here's twitch that shouldn't be listening.
03:06And no sooner said than done
03:09she got her wish, the farmer's wife.
03:11She's all swollen stomach
03:13and thinks it's the baths he took
03:15or the sleeping upside down.
03:17But in fact, of course,
03:18it's the saying you wouldn't care
03:20what you got, what gets you jiggered.
03:22As everyone knows what heard a proper story.
03:25She has her boy.
03:27And straight away, there he is.
03:29Little ball.
03:30As ugly as sin with a pointed nose
03:33and sprouting hair everywhere.
03:35Hedgehogs do not have hair.
03:39They have quills.
03:45But this hedgehog baby
03:48had quills as soft as feathers
03:50and his mother held him to her breast
03:53and wrapped him in a bundle
03:54and snoodled him and hugged him to bits.
03:56And she gave him the name Hans.
04:00Hans, my hedgehog, she called him.
04:03Oh, yes.
04:04The mother loved her baby all right.
04:07But not everybody did.
04:09What?
04:10There's a hedgehog.
04:11What a laughing stock.
04:15Guys, get out of here.
04:17Come on, mate.
04:18Come on, yes.
04:20Bring the freaks in there.
04:22Don't watch you in there now.
04:23What are you doing?
04:24We're going home.
04:25What about our chores?
04:27That's the end of parading ourselves in public.
04:30Don't cry, my sweet.
04:32Don't even cry like a proper baby.
04:36Could you shut that squealing?
04:37And the farmer grew to hate his son,
04:44Hans the Hedgehog Boy.
04:47Out in the field,
04:48he chopped and sighed and bundled and milked,
04:50but all the while,
04:52the shame of what had befallen him
04:53turned a knot in his heart.
04:56One moment, the rage welling up in him,
04:58the next, tears,
04:59huge tears splashing his boots.
05:04And time passed by.
05:06Day following day,
05:08Weak chasing weak,
05:09and the Hedgehog Boy grew up.
05:12Hey, Beastie!
05:13You, Clitterchub!
05:14Orange-a-chub!
05:14Triple Black!
05:15Hog heads!
05:16Grupple Hog!
05:17Grupple Hog!
05:19And Hans, my hedgehog,
05:21learned he was strange,
05:22and he learned he was ugly,
05:24and he learned to be sad,
05:26and he learned the name that was given him.
05:31Grupple Hog!
05:37That's enough!
05:43Out!
05:48Out!
05:50I see.
05:51From now on, I'll eat out there with the other beasts!
05:54Hans!
06:03Hans!
06:06Hans!
06:11Come on!
06:13Hans heard them,
06:15but he wouldn't answer.
06:17He lay there all night,
06:18his rooster for company,
06:20and thought and thought
06:21until he thought a hole in the ground.
06:24And his mother couldn't sleep,
06:25and his father wandered the dark hours,
06:28a great needle in his heart.
06:31In the morning,
06:32weary,
06:33the farmer returned.
06:35By the step,
06:35asleep,
06:36was his son,
06:37the Grovel Hog.
06:38I've trudged all night for you.
06:41You'll never eat for a week off my food.
06:43Father,
06:44I want you to do some things for me.
06:47Do what?
06:48I want you to go to the village
06:49and have me a saddle made for my rooster
06:51so I can ride him.
06:53And I want some of your sheep
06:55and some hens and some pigs.
06:56Oh, do you now,
06:58fancy fine!
06:59I know which ones I'd like,
07:00and they would be happy to come with me.
07:02Come with you?
07:03Come with you where?
07:05Where I go,
07:07which is away,
07:08which is to somewhere
07:08where I can't hurt anyone
07:10and no one can hurt me.
07:12And when are you planning
07:13this gad to away and somewhere?
07:15When I have the saddle.
07:18You can't go nowhere!
07:21What would your mother say?
07:23The root don'ts on you.
07:25Father,
07:26all night I lay out door
07:28to understand why you don't love me.
07:31And I've thought
07:31until I've thought
07:32there's a hole in the grass.
07:34And now it's all right.
07:36When I have the saddle,
07:37I'll go.
07:39And the farmer felt ashamed.
07:42And he brought home
07:43a saddle for the rooster
07:44and he herded up the animals
07:45his son had asked for
07:46and he told his wife,
07:47pack a pack lunch.
07:48And all the while,
07:50the growl hog
07:50sat on the stoop
07:51and waited.
07:52And when all was done,
07:54he went to his mother
07:54and she kissed him
07:55and then to his dad
07:57and hugged him.
07:58And the farmer knew
07:59for the first time
08:00how soft he was.
08:02They watched him
08:04until he was a faint smudge
08:05in the distance
08:06and his mother felt a crack
08:08in her heart
08:08like a tiny pencil line.
08:10And each day
08:11after the pencil line
08:12got thicker and thicker
08:13and one day
08:14not long after,
08:16her heart split in half
08:18and she died.
08:22Twenty years later,
08:24a king got lost
08:25in a great forest.
08:27And after he got lost,
08:28he got more lost
08:29until he was so lost
08:30he began to tug his ear,
08:32which is a sure sign
08:33of big trouble.
08:34When he heard a sound,
08:36which was a bitter sound
08:37and a sweet sound
08:38all at once,
08:39which began like hello
08:40and ended like goodbye.
08:42And tugging his ear
08:43like billio,
08:44he followed the sound
08:45until he came to a clearing.
08:48And the palace
08:48the king saw before him
08:50was the most extraordinary
08:52palace in your whole borne.
09:08I, uh,
09:09I'm very lost
09:10and I'm very hungry.
09:14And, uh,
09:15somewhere back there
09:16a long time ago,
09:19I was a king.
09:20But now,
09:21so lost
09:22and so hungry,
09:24you wouldn't
09:24hawk at a beast's house.
09:26Oh, well, um,
09:27you are welcome
09:29in my house, sir,
09:30and at my table.
09:33And the king
09:35sat at the
09:35grovel hog's table
09:36and ate
09:37of the greenest greens
09:38and the sweetest sweets
09:39and the juiciest juices.
09:41Oh, how very, very kind.
09:43After,
09:44his host took up
09:45the bagpipes
09:46and played old songs
09:48which were bitter
09:48and sweet
09:49all at once
09:49and began like hello
09:50and ended like goodbye.
09:52And before he could think,
09:54I'm full now
09:56and found,
09:57the king was asleep.
10:00Well,
10:01this king woke up
10:02the next morning
10:03after a night
10:03of the kind of dreams
10:04you only dream about.
10:06He opened his eyes
10:07and almost yanked
10:08off his ear
10:08because he found himself
10:10under a tree
10:10which certainly wasn't
10:11where he'd fallen asleep.
10:13And more confusing,
10:14it was a tree
10:15from which he could see
10:16the edge of his kingdom.
10:18And he began to dance
10:19as only kings
10:20once lost
10:21and then found
10:22can dance.
10:23A jig,
10:23a jiggle joggle
10:24and a leap.
10:24I've heard this story
10:26and you're telling it
10:27all wrong.
10:29What happens is
10:30the king wants to give
10:31the grovel hog
10:32a reward
10:33for all his help
10:34and so he says,
10:35name anything.
10:37And the hog
10:38thing says,
10:39give me the first thing
10:41to greet you
10:41when you arrive
10:42in your kingdom.
10:44And the king agrees
10:46because he knows
10:46the first thing
10:47to greet him
10:48will be his faithful
10:49flop-eared
10:50wager,
10:52the royal dog.
10:53So the king says,
10:54yes,
10:55and the hog thing says,
10:57I'll collect my reward
10:58in a year and a day.
11:00And off he goes
11:01on his ridiculous rooster.
11:04But,
11:05things don't go
11:07as he planned,
11:07do they?
11:08And it's not
11:09poor wager
11:10who gets there first.
11:18And the king
11:19lets go of the princess
11:20of sweetness
11:21and cherry pie
11:22and his face clouds over.
11:24But then he shrugs
11:25and turns back
11:26to his daughter
11:27and dog
11:27and walks away
11:29for a year
11:30and a day.
11:36Here we are,
11:37dearie-o's,
11:38in the king's
11:39great hall.
11:40And lo and behold,
11:41a handsome storyteller
11:43has been summoned
11:44to court
11:44to entertain
11:45the royal family.
11:49King.
11:50Now, of course,
11:51the king here
11:52has been counting
11:53the days off
11:54his calendar
11:54and it is a year
11:55ago today,
11:56you see,
11:56since he made
11:57his rash promise
11:58to the grovel hog.
11:59And tomorrow,
12:00you remember,
12:01is the day
12:01when the grovel hog
12:02is due to arrive
12:03to collect his reward.
12:08Princess.
12:13I'm very good at this.
12:17Eh?
12:18Get rid of him!
12:21All idiots
12:22from in the dungeon!
12:24Feed him
12:24each by inch
12:25to my royal staff!
12:26What they won't eat
12:28give to his dog!
12:29No!
12:30Help!
12:30No!
12:31No!
12:31Put me down!
12:32Put me down!
12:34Your majesty,
12:35a huge army
12:36appears at the gates.
12:37Oh, does it?
12:38Not men,
12:39but animals, sire.
12:41Told you.
12:41Sire?
12:42I heard you!
12:44Let them in!
12:46Oh,
12:46oh,
12:46oh,
12:47oh,
12:47oh,
12:47I'll give a fellow
12:49some space.
12:50I want to hear this.
12:53Do you remember me?
12:55I drew
12:56a year and a day
12:57have passed
12:58since last we met.
12:59Will you keep
13:00your promise to me?
13:02I will!
13:04He will?
13:11Do you know of me, lady?
13:14I do, sir.
13:16You saved my father,
13:17and he owes you his life.
13:18Do you know of his promise to me?
13:22He promised you the first thing to greet him
13:25on his return.
13:27And what was that?
13:28And what was that?
13:31Hmm?
13:32Me, sir.
13:37I am yours.
13:40Then I want you to be my wife
13:41and come live with me
13:43in the forest.
13:44I want you to be my princess
13:45of sweetness
13:46and cherry pie.
13:48I want to catch you up
13:49and sing to you.
13:52I want you to love me.
13:53Yes, sir.
13:56Do you find me
13:58very ugly?
13:59No, sir.
14:01Not so ugly
14:02as going back
14:03on a promise.
14:07Come on,
14:08shift yourselves.
14:09There's a royal wedding.
14:10You're all to be pardoned.
14:12I don't know why,
14:12I'm sure.
14:13Oh, come on.
14:14I don't know about wedding.
14:16Up there,
14:16it's more like a funeral.
14:17Good, good, good, good, good,
14:18good, a wedding.
14:20I might even be asked
14:21to tell a story or two.
14:22Who knows?
14:23It's on days like these
14:24that artists
14:25come into their own.
14:25We are gathered here today.
14:55The most unhappy wedding party you ever saw and that night in her bedchamber it was a terrified princess who lay waiting for her new husband to join her.
15:25The most unhappy wedding party you ever saw and that night in her bedchamber it was a surprise.
15:32I'm lying there half sweetness half cherry pie. The princess could hardly credit what she'd seen.
15:50But creeping to the window she looked down and there sure enough a man moving among the animals in the quiet rain.
15:57And she found herself going to the abandoned coat of hair and quills and touching it soft and warm and remarkable.
16:04And the first rays of morning woke her from dreams of waterfalls and ice cream.
16:11And there she was in her bed and by the embers the grovel hog back again, beast again.
16:18And so had she dreamed all this peeling off of skin?
16:23Surely she must have.
16:25But that night the same scene, her husband standing over her as she pretended to sleep.
16:32The tender touch on her arm, not prickly but so smooth she felt an ache when he left her.
16:39And she found herself going to the skin and lying against it.
16:44And how comfortable she found herself.
16:46And she felt drowsy lying there by the fire so peaceful.
17:07She felt herself drifting off and knew she mustn't but really couldn't help herself.
17:16The end of her.
17:18And the end of her.
17:19Sir, I woke and you had gone.
17:21And left behind you your coat of quills.
17:23Which would you have for husband?
17:28The man?
17:30Or the creature?
17:32I have a husband, sir.
17:35And he is what he is.
17:37No more and no less.
17:39Then forgive him, madam, if he returns to his skin.
17:43For I am enchanted and cannot leave it.
17:46But if you say nothing of this for a third night, then loyal love will break the spell forever.
17:54I promise.
17:56But we all know about promises, don't we?
18:01And secrets.
18:03What use are there when no one knows about them?
18:06When they twist and turn and tickle in our stomachs.
18:10When they tickly little fish wriggling into our conversations.
18:15Now you see the princess had a mother.
18:17And mothers have this way of catching secret fish and promise fish.
18:21They eye us with wise eyes and all our rivers are glass to them.
18:26Just so with the queen.
18:28Who that morning at breakfast sees her daughter skip to the table.
18:32Eat, when for days no appetite.
18:34Hungry?
18:35Laugh, when for days no laughter.
18:37Sleep well?
18:38Yes, thank you.
18:39Not troubled by the creature?
18:43No, mother.
18:44And please don't speak of him as a creature.
18:47Listen, daughter.
18:49Last night, your father and I went to a wise woman and told of your tragedy.
18:54And she knows of these creatures, these grovel hogs.
18:59And knows the remedy.
19:01He is enchanted, you see.
19:04I know.
19:05Oh?
19:06I mean, I knew that he must be something like that.
19:11Yes, I see.
19:14He's enchanted.
19:16He's told you, hasn't he?
19:18No, really, he hasn't.
19:20I just knew he must be.
19:23And, um, does he take off his skin?
19:27No.
19:28No, he doesn't.
19:30The only way to break the spell is to throw the skin into the fire.
19:35Cast the skin into the flames and he will be free of it.
19:38That's not the way.
19:39So, he has told you.
19:48That night, the third, when everything happens as before, the princess is haunted by her mother's advice.
20:11And, oh, dear, oh, dear.
20:12Oh, dear.
20:13Oh, dear.
20:14Oh, dear.
20:16Oh, dear.
20:17Oh, dear.
20:18Oh, dear.
20:19Oh, dear.
20:20Oh, dear.
20:21Oh, dear.
20:22Oh, dear.
20:23Oh, dear.
20:24Oh, dear.
20:25Oh, dear.
20:26Oh, dear.
20:27Oh, dear.
20:28Oh, dear.
20:29Oh, dear.
20:30Oh, dear.
20:31Oh, dear.
20:32Oh, dear.
20:33Oh, dear.
20:34Oh, dear.
20:35Oh, dear.
20:36Oh, dear.
20:37Oh, dear.
20:38Oh, dear.
20:39Oh, dear.
20:40Oh, dear.
20:41Oh, dear.
20:42Oh, dear.
20:43Oh, dear.
20:44And there she sat, the princess of sweetness and cherry pie, weeping into the fire, and she would let no one see her, not even me, and I was her favorite.
20:55No, she thought and thought until she thought a hole in the hearth, until she knew what she must do.
21:02She went to the blacksmith and got from him a pair of iron shoes, and that night, when all slept, she slipped out of the palace and set off to wander the world in search of her husband.
21:12She walked and walked, until she wore out the first pair of shoes, and still no one had set eyes on the grovel hog.
21:22And she got a second pair of shoes and began again, never stopping, always hoping.
21:27And the second pair of shoes wore out, and still she walked, always looking, always hoping to hear a music both bitter and sweet, beginning in hello and ending in goodbye, but nothing.
21:39Till one day, weary and wretched, she came to a stream and lay down by it, and saw in the water's mirror her hair was now quite white, and she sorrowed for her red hair and her husband, both lost forever.
21:57To the health of that most beautiful woman who could not keep her promise for one more day.
22:19Husband.
22:19How did you find me?
22:25I have walked the world to find you, and have worn out the soles of three pairs of iron shoes.
22:31My hair is no longer red.
22:34But I come to claim you, and catch you up, and snoodle you and hug you to bits.
22:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
23:10and so the princess who could not keep her promise won back her husband through looking
23:21without hope of finding and holding on for dear life and in time her hair grew red again
23:27and there was another wedding all over and we were both invited and i told the best story there
23:34is to tell a story which begins in hello and ends in goodbye and for a gift she gave me a shoe worn to
23:43nothing and here it is
24:04so
24:11you
24:13you