The holidays just got a lot more complicated! 🥂✨
In the Amandaland Christmas Special (2025), our favorite 'Alpha Mom' Amanda is determined to prove she can host the most sophisticated, stress-free Christmas in the history of the neighborhood. But between the passive-aggressive gift exchanges, the organic turkey disaster, and the unexpected arrival of some very un-glamorous guests, Amanda’s festive veneer is starting to crack.
If you loved Motherland, this spin-off special is the perfect holiday treat. It’s biting, hilarious, and painfully real.
Subscribe for more Amandaland updates, Motherland nostalgia, and the best of British comedy in 2025!
#Amandaland #Motherland #AmandalandChristmas #BritishComedy #BBC #ChristmasSpecial2025 #Amanda #Motherhood #HolidayDrama
In the Amandaland Christmas Special (2025), our favorite 'Alpha Mom' Amanda is determined to prove she can host the most sophisticated, stress-free Christmas in the history of the neighborhood. But between the passive-aggressive gift exchanges, the organic turkey disaster, and the unexpected arrival of some very un-glamorous guests, Amanda’s festive veneer is starting to crack.
If you loved Motherland, this spin-off special is the perfect holiday treat. It’s biting, hilarious, and painfully real.
Subscribe for more Amandaland updates, Motherland nostalgia, and the best of British comedy in 2025!
#Amandaland #Motherland #AmandalandChristmas #BritishComedy #BBC #ChristmasSpecial2025 #Amanda #Motherhood #HolidayDrama
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TVTranscript
00:01Where the hell's our cab?
00:03Why can't we just hang here?
00:05Because the only things that hang on Christmas Day are mistletoe, holly,
00:08and then somehow there's tinsel.
00:10Hello? Yes, hi.
00:11There's still no sign of our cab,
00:13and I really need to get to my aunts for lunch.
00:15Just put you on home. Yes.
00:17Georgie, you're tipping the pavlova.
00:19Huh? The pavlova.
00:20You need to keep it upright or the compote will breach the meringue.
00:23Why did you make this?
00:24Well, Aunt Joan has got this hilarious photo of me with a pavlova
00:28when I was about Manus's age,
00:30and I thought it'd be super cute to recreate it with you two.
00:33We'll have the perfect family Christmas at Aunt Joan's.
00:36She has the biggest tree.
00:38Hello? Yes?
00:39The drive's cancelled, I'm afraid, madam.
00:41What?
00:42Yeah, he's...
00:43No, no, you can't cancel.
00:45It's Christmas Day.
00:46Where else am I going to get a cab on Christmas Day?
00:51Merry Christmas, neighbour.
00:53Cute PJs.
00:55Come on, Mal, shut up.
00:58Daughter, you're tipping the pavlova over.
01:04Okay, what's the address?
01:05Oh, if you just put in Sirencester.
01:07Sirencester?
01:08Amanda, that's practically Wales.
01:10You said a quick lift.
01:11You said you had no plans today?
01:13No, I said I planned on doing nothing.
01:15Different thing.
01:16Ned's with his mum, I was going to crack open the Baileys,
01:19order a curry and watch me some Die Hard.
01:21Oh, Mal, how depressing.
01:23At least you have company now.
01:24I don't want company.
01:26Oh, can we just do a small detour?
01:32You having a good creme bar for the city?
01:34Not really.
01:35I was supposed to be in South Africa.
01:36But Amanda guilt-tripped me into visiting my sister.
01:39What's wrong with your sister?
01:41She's a nightmare.
01:42It's just all laughter and games
01:45and then just bloody cheese boards.
01:48She's completely over the top.
01:50She asks us every year, Mummy, and we never go.
01:52It's getting rude.
01:53And I would love the kiddos
01:55to have a traditional Cotswoldian Noel
01:57while they're still enchanted by the magic of Christmas.
02:00But does she have a PS5?
02:02No, she doesn't have a PS5, Manus.
02:04I don't even think she has the internet.
02:06Oh!
02:07No way!
02:09Right, Sam.
02:10I should take it.
02:12Little Christmas present for her.
02:14Anne.
02:15Amanda, it's a disaster.
02:16I've been at the airport now for about 14 hours
02:19and they finally just cancelled our flight to Dublin.
02:21Oh, Anne, no.
02:23What a shame.
02:24Well, look, thanks for keeping me posted.
02:26Chris and the kids went to head to Cork.
02:28I was supposed to join yesterday,
02:30but because of the storm, I'm completely stranded.
02:32And everybody who I know and love is hundreds of miles away.
02:35Chris, Darius.
02:37Pat, Roisin.
02:38Yes, yes.
02:39Pat.
02:40Her husband, Pat.
02:41They're kids, young Pat.
02:43And Patricia.
02:44Yes.
02:45And Edgar and Barry and Pat.
02:46Yeah.
02:47You know, he froze on our way, actually.
02:49No, no.
02:50Absolutely not.
02:51No, no, no, no.
02:52No!
02:53God, no!
02:55Oh, my God, I miss you all so much!
02:58We're here!
02:59Christmas has officially started.
03:00Kids, off your bones now, please.
03:01Eat your heart out, downtown Abbey.
03:03Well, hardly.
03:04It's only 11 acres and a ha-ha.
03:05Why is that funny?
03:06No, a ha-ha.
03:07It's like a giant ditch.
03:08You should know what a ha-ha is.
03:09You're a gardener.
03:10Oh, yeah.
03:11I've seen loads of ha-hahs in ha-hahs.
03:12Oh, look!
03:13Oh, look!
03:14Oh, look!
03:15She's put the reindeer out for the kids.
03:16Oh, mommy, do you remember when Bob with the Shetland tried to mount one?
03:17God, that was funny.
03:18This is why I didn't go to therapy.
03:19I don't care if you want to get a baby off your bones.
03:20Oh, my God.
03:21Oh, my God, that's so funny.
03:22Oh, my God.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:24So, my God.
03:25Oh, my God.
03:26Oh, my God.
03:27That's so funny, my God.
03:28Oh, my God.
03:29Oh, look!
03:30Oh, my God.
03:31Oh, my God.
03:32Oh, my God.
03:33Oh, my God.
03:34Oh, my God.
03:35Oh, my God.
03:36Oh, my God.
03:37Oh, my God.
03:38Oh, my God.
03:43Some memories are best repressed.
03:47Here we go, the bags! Here we go! Look at the paper!
03:50OK, come on, let's have a good festive cheer!
03:55Guys, off the phones now, please.
03:57Guys?
03:59Guys? Right, give me those.
04:01Dad just gave us the... What? That's from Dad?
04:03...if we learn nothing from adolescence.
04:04And, Anne, this is my Christmas happy place,
04:06so please don't be a Debbie Downer.
04:08OK, everyone.
04:10Here we go!
04:11Ding dong! Merrilee!
04:13Hi!
04:14Oh, I love you! I'm so sorry!
04:16Just hold the glass!
04:18You've caught me mid-giblet!
04:20Oh, goodness!
04:21No, not the coach.
04:22Merry Christmas, darling.
04:23Oh, I'm so sorry to spring this on you.
04:24It's been a bit of a disaster.
04:26Is it cool if my mum friend Anne joins us?
04:28So?
04:29Yes.
04:30Oh, Anne, of course!
04:32You look like you need a stiff drink.
04:33Thank you, but no, if I can't be with my family,
04:36then what's the point?
04:37Oh, dear girl, come in, come in, come in.
04:39Is it a divorce, is it?
04:41Storm Geraldine.
04:42Storm Geraldine.
04:43Merry Christmas.
04:44Oh, for me?
04:45Wow!
04:47No!
04:48Manus Georgie!
04:49No, no, no, no!
04:50I don't believe it!
04:51No, I won't touch you, I won't touch you.
04:52No, don't, don't touch them.
04:54We'll hug in a moment.
04:55Come in!
04:56Don't touch, don't touch them.
04:57Oh, they're gorgeous!
04:58They're gorgeous!
04:59Thank you, Mal.
05:00This is the last of the bags.
05:01Thanks so much.
05:02Jane, you didn't tell me you're bringing a lover.
05:04Mal lives in my cellar.
05:05It's not my lover.
05:06No, he just drove out here.
05:07It's all right, wink, wink.
05:08You're all the merrier.
05:09No, no, no, he's fine.
05:10He has plans.
05:11It's okay.
05:12Have you got plans?
05:13Yeah, I was just gonna use your loo if I may before I nip off.
05:15I've got a date with John McClane.
05:17John McClane?
05:18Oh, fantastic.
05:19You're a homosexual.
05:20It's a die-hard reference.
05:21I was gonna watch it with a curry.
05:23Oh, God, how ghastly.
05:24You will stay for a pre-prandial.
05:26Come on!
05:27What's pre-prandial?
05:28It's a posh word for a drink.
05:30Yeah.
05:33Yeah, okay, Pat.
05:34Can you put Chris back on?
05:35Yeah, so I have an alert set up on my phone for when the flights reopen,
05:39and if you could just have everyone there checking the internet.
05:42Where should I put my coat down, Ken?
05:44Oh, keep it on.
05:45This house is bloody freezing.
05:47Isn't it magical?
05:49It's giving hardcore Narnia vibes, right?
05:53I mean, wow!
05:56That's what I call a tree.
06:02Is it plastic?
06:03Oh, my God, she's still got that.
06:05Daddy bought that in the 70s.
06:08Probably the newest thing in this place.
06:10How odd.
06:11I distinctly remember the scent of pine needles.
06:14No, this house smells the way it's always smelled.
06:17Damp.
06:18Dogs.
06:19Desperation.
06:20Now, I've been absolutely dying for you to arrive.
06:26We've got everything here.
06:27We've got some olives over there.
06:29There's this trout pate.
06:30We've got mini quiches, prawn volvois, and these really fun things from Marks and Spencer's.
06:36Mini burgers.
06:37Have you seen these?
06:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:39No, no, no, no, no.
06:41We'll have to clean that one up, won't we?
06:45Joni?
06:46Where should I put the pavlova?
06:48Is that Granny Gush's recipe?
06:49Yes, it is.
06:50Minus the powdered egg.
06:51I thought it might be fun to recreate that famous pudding photo from that amazing Christmas.
06:58Yes.
06:59Yeah.
07:00I've got it in the oven.
07:01Let me look for the oven.
07:02Dig it out.
07:03Everybody dig in.
07:04Flick deviled egg.
07:05Have a deviled egg.
07:07Flick deviled egg.
07:08Egg.
07:09Egg.
07:10Flick deviled egg.
07:11Fine.
07:12I'll have a deviled egg.
07:13I think it's under here somewhere.
07:15Now, where's that famous photo?
07:23Yes.
07:24Now, look at that.
07:25Look at that.
07:26Look at Gan Gan.
07:27What a hottie.
07:28Is that you, Mum?
07:30Yeah, that was me pre-blossom.
07:32Just on the cusp of discovering clearacillin wonderbras.
07:35Well, my goodness, look at that.
07:37I'm wearing the same jumper.
07:38Oh, Jo, no, stop.
07:40That's perfect.
07:41I thought it'd be really fun to restage the photo with Manus and George.
07:45So the Hemsworth brothers did one sitting on their mum's lap and it pretty much broke the internet.
07:50I remember the Hemsworth brothers.
07:52Hmm?
07:53Hemsworth brothers.
07:54Yes, you stepped out with one.
07:55They had the tractor dealership in Ampney St. Peter.
07:58That was the Hemsworth brothers.
07:59Hemsworth.
08:00Yeah, I slept with all three of them.
08:02Oh, well done you.
08:04And the father.
08:05Mummy.
08:06Oh, jolly good.
08:07Now, drink your poos.
08:08Oh, damn.
08:10Oh, damn.
08:11What's that?
08:12Oh, hey Jimmy.
08:13What's in those ones?
08:14Oh, is that you, Flick?
08:17No one must see those.
08:19Yep.
08:20Yep.
08:21Yep.
08:22Yep.
08:23What the...
08:24What the...
08:25This house is literally freezing.
08:30My family will be back from mass about now.
08:31Do you think Jesus will punish me for missing his birthday?
08:32You know what you need, eh?
08:33Slow gin.
08:34Very good for melancholia.
08:35The night my father died, I drank two bottles as right as rain in the morning.
08:36I suppose I could have a small glass just to steady the nerves because, um, I don't think
08:40I've ever done a Christmas with my family.
08:41No, no, no, no.
08:42None of that now.
08:43Come on.
08:44Get that down your gullet.
08:45Gah!
08:46Yes, got a kick to it.
08:47Gah!
08:48That's the 1978 vintage, the year you were born.
08:50Oh, true.
08:51Now, what do the children want?
08:52What can we get for them?
08:53Do you have any prime?
08:54No, no, no, no.
08:55No, no, no.
08:56Prime?
08:57Don't worry.
08:58Don't worry.
08:59He'll have a coca-cola.
09:00I've got a coca-cola.
09:01I've got a coca-cola.
09:02I've got a coca-cola.
09:03I've got a coca-cola.
09:04Well, I'm sorry.
09:05I've got a coca-cola.
09:06I've got a coca-cola.
09:07I've got a coca-cola.
09:08I've got a coca-cola.
09:09Do you have any prime?
09:10No, no, no.
09:11Prime?
09:12Joan, don't worry.
09:13He'll have a Coca-Cola.
09:14I've got a cola.
09:15I've got a can of cola here.
09:16There we go.
09:17Lovely.
09:22Come on.
09:24Oh.
09:25I think that's seen better days.
09:26Ludo can have that.
09:27Ludo?
09:28Ludo, Ludo, look what's here.
09:29Look what's here.
09:30Joan.
09:32Oh, no.
09:33Your Christmas present.
09:34Oh, that's marvellous.
09:36I don't believe it.
09:37That's tremendous of you.
09:39Look at that.
09:41Wow.
09:44Oh.
09:45Oh, my goodness.
09:47No, Joan.
09:48It's the bath.
09:49Joan.
09:50And I've swallowed it there.
09:52I'll have a bath later, darling.
09:54I'll have a bath later.
09:55Didn't I just gift you that?
09:57Yes.
09:58I loved it so much that I went out and bought exactly the same one for Aunt Joan.
10:04I need rice in my whisky.
10:06You'll find plenty in the toilet.
10:08Now, will you come in here and sit down, please?
10:10Oh, thank you.
10:11I was actually going to hit the road.
10:13Oh, no, no.
10:14We're not having you spending a day alone.
10:15You and Anne are our Christmas guests of honour.
10:17So sit.
10:18I've got a goose to go and get out of the oven.
10:21I've never been anyone's Christmas guest of honour before.
10:24So it's the same one.
10:27I love this.
10:28To Amanda look from Anne.
10:29I went out and bought exactly the same one for Joan without the skin.
10:32I don't know.
10:33It's probably still in there.
10:34Luncheon is served.
10:35Ooh.
10:36Lovely.
10:37Come on.
10:38Oh, those are the photos.
10:39Ganggan doesn't want anyone seeing.
10:41Come on, boys.
10:43I'm hungry.
10:44No.
10:45Tell them, yes, it's a larger box, but it's actually the same value gift,
10:50because I'm going to buy money spent.
10:52Anne.
10:53Not by value.
10:54Anne.
10:55No devices, please.
10:56I have to go.
10:57OK.
11:00Oh, well, don't sit there.
11:01Sorry, because of the photos.
11:02We need to match the old pavlova pigs, so, yeah.
11:04Mummy needs to sit there.
11:05Joan's here.
11:06Mummy, you're here.
11:07No, I need a clear line to an exit.
11:09Well...
11:10OK.
11:11Well...
11:12Yeah.
11:13We can all move round for pudding.
11:15Here it goes!
11:16Goosey-goosey-gander!
11:18Wait, Joan!
11:19Stop, stop, stop, stop!
11:20Can you go back in and come back out?
11:21I want to film it.
11:22For the memories.
11:23Just tuck in.
11:24Tuck in.
11:25Tuck in.
11:26Tuck in.
11:27Tuck in.
11:28It's going to be so good.
11:29Anne, could you just lean out because of the tear stains?
11:30I just miss my family.
11:31You know, Anne.
11:32Anne.
11:33Yes?
11:34Goosey-goosey-gander!
11:35Ooh, look at that!
11:36Tuck in.
11:37We've got a side of beef, Yorkshires, a ham and some little piggies and blankets.
11:41Mum.
11:42Just eat it.
11:43It's Christmas.
11:44Hm?
11:45What?
11:46I'm vegan.
11:47Oh, shit.
11:48Are you?
11:49It's fine.
11:50I'll just eat the veg.
11:51You don't.
11:52You will not just eat the veg.
11:53Not on my watch.
11:54You won't.
11:55I'll...
11:56I'll...
11:57I'll rustle up a...
11:58a souffle!
11:59Oh, dear Joan.
12:00Do you see what I mean?
12:01It's just too much.
12:03She's just trying to make us all happy, Mummy.
12:05And, er, did you notice the stuffed stoat in the hallway?
12:10No.
12:11No?
12:12Oh.
12:13Let me show you quickly.
12:14I'm not that into stoats.
12:15Yes, but, erm, honestly, I think you'll find this one very interesting.
12:19Yeah, I don't know who told you that I was into stoats, but actually this one is quite unusual.
12:28OK, listen, forget the stoat.
12:29I just saw some pictures of Felicity I wasn't supposed to see, and now I can't unsee what I saw.
12:34God, they weren't nudies, were they?
12:36No, they're not nudies.
12:37Is anyone wearing a Nazi uniform?
12:39No.
12:40There's no Nazis.
12:41Just look.
12:42Ooh.
12:43Blimey O'Reilly.
12:44Is that...
12:46Is that Felicity and...
12:48Sir Mick Jagger?
12:49Yes.
12:50Looks like they're on holiday together.
12:51Oh, Jesus.
12:52He was such a ride back then.
12:53Yeah, it looks like he was riding Felicity.
12:55OMG.
12:56Is...
12:57Is she pregnant?
12:58Yes.
12:59And look.
13:00She's holding her stomach.
13:01Hmm.
13:02And?
13:03Summer of 77.
13:05Joan just said that Amanda was born in 78.
13:08Uh-huh.
13:09You don't think Sir Mick Jagger is...
13:11Mmm.
13:13No.
13:14No, no, no.
13:15Don't be ridiculous.
13:16I've seen enough episodes of Ally McBeal to know this is all purely circumstantial evidence.
13:20Oh.
13:21Just because it goes clip-clap doesn't mean it's a zebra.
13:23Guys, come on.
13:25We're about to eat.
13:28I want to eat!
13:31I want to eat!
13:32Here we are.
13:33It's lovely.
13:34Let me get this on first.
13:35I'll need my glasses on.
13:36Here we go.
13:37Joke.
13:38Why didn't Santa pay for his sleigh?
13:42Mmm.
13:43Why didn't Santa have to pay for his sleigh?
13:45Because it was on the house.
13:47Oh, I get it.
13:49Oh.
13:50That's so bad.
13:51It's actually quite good.
13:52I know, another joke.
13:53How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:54I've no idea, Joan.
13:55How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:57You oscillate its tits a lot.
13:58Oh, sorry, Joan.
13:59Oh, dear.
14:00Not like she bloody wrote it.
14:03Go on, Flick.
14:04Your turn.
14:05Oh.
14:06Grandma.
14:07Here we go.
14:08Woo!
14:09Mummy, put the hat on.
14:10You'll need it for the pavlova photo.
14:11No, I don't do paper hats.
14:12Flick, do the joke.
14:13Where's the joke?
14:14I don't do jokes.
14:15Come on, Mummy.
14:16It's Christmas.
14:17Come on, Flick.
14:18Flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick.
14:21Do the joke.
14:22Do the joke.
14:23Do the joke.
14:24Do the joke.
14:25Whee!
14:26Come on.
14:27What is the coldest country in the world?
14:29I don't know.
14:30What is the coldest country in the world?
14:35Russia.
14:36Oh, I think you're reading the trivia there, Felicity.
14:41Oh, Mummy.
14:42Where are you going, Mummy?
14:43We haven't done the photo.
14:44I'm going to watch the King's Speech.
14:45Oh, is it that time?
14:46Oh, I love the King's Speech.
14:47Brilliant.
14:48Everyone fill a glass.
14:49Let's go and sit and see.
14:50We could do the pavlova after.
14:51Flick, flick.
14:52Wait for us.
14:53Wait for us.
14:54We're soon.
14:55Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
14:56Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
14:57The first time victorious, happy and sweet.
15:02Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
15:05That's nice.
15:26Very good.
15:31Ann Reid, there we go.
15:33I have to say, this is the most delicious cab I've ever drank.
15:35Darling, I'm just not called with champagne.
15:38Real champagne?
15:39Yes.
15:40From France?
15:40Yes.
15:42I've never had French champagne from France before.
15:44Stop fussing.
15:46I can't see the television.
15:46Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
15:49I think Joan is lovely.
15:52Classic Stockholm Syndrome.
15:54Are you a big fan of the royal family, Felicity?
15:57Oh, I've met a few of them.
15:58Camilla's a lot.
15:59I've probably met a few members of the rock royal family.
16:03In your time.
16:04Well, I once lived next door but one to Christoburg.
16:08Oh, right, pavlova time.
16:10Oh, finally.
16:11Get the camera.
16:11I don't want pavlova.
16:13Mummy, you can't always get what you want.
16:17Um, actually, I can't think of food for a bit.
16:19Amanda, I overdid it on the parsnips.
16:21You don't have to eat it.
16:22It's just a photo.
16:23Oh, I know what we'll do.
16:25We'll have a parlour game while we all digest.
16:27Who'd like a round of Are You There, Moriarty?
16:29I don't know what that is.
16:30Well, what about, um, Ho-ha-hee?
16:33Do you know that one?
16:33Or The Minister's Cat.
16:34Do you know that one?
16:35Oh, no, I don't know that one.
16:36Pass the slipper.
16:37No.
16:37Fan the candle.
16:38You must know hot cockles.
16:39Hot cockles!
16:40God, I don't know that one.
16:41What else have we got?
16:42Elephants fought elephants.
16:42Oh, for God's sake, why don't we just play hide and seek?
16:46Oh, that's a terrific idea.
16:47It is so much fun.
16:48Well done, that girl.
16:50I'll count to 50.
16:51Off you go.
16:52Off you go.
16:53And then after this, we'll do the pavlova.
16:54Right, I'll start now.
16:55Come on.
16:55One, two, I've started, two, I've started, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
17:13I know, Chris, but I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
17:16I can't make her put on a shoe.
17:18I'm 300 miles away.
17:20Look, I really have to go.
17:24Bloody hell.
17:26Other people's Christmases are mental.
17:29When are we going to tell her?
17:30What?
17:31Absolutely never.
17:32It's not our family secret, so we're going to forget we ever saw those photos.
17:35But we did see those photos, Mal.
17:37And I really think Amanda deserves to know.
17:41What do I deserve to know?
17:42What the hell are you hiding?
17:44Yeah, we're playing hide and seek.
17:46What do I deserve to know?
17:49Ask Mal.
17:49Oh, thanks, Anne.
17:50Will someone tell me what's going on?
17:52Sure, the photos.
17:59Are these pictures of my mum on holiday?
18:04What's the big deal?
18:05Look who she's with.
18:07Is that Mick Jagger?
18:09Mummy, you minx.
18:11Sitting on Mick's lap.
18:12I sat on Prince Harry's lap when I was in Mahiki once.
18:15Did I get a mention in the book?
18:17Oh, my God.
18:19She's pregnant.
18:21That's hardly a secret.
18:22Keep looking.
18:26She's smoking.
18:27No, no, no.
18:28No.
18:29Look at the date on the back of the folder.
18:30Okay.
18:31And look who's holding the bump.
18:32No.
18:34No way.
18:35No way.
18:38Is my brother...
18:4249, 50.
18:44Ready or not.
18:45Quick, hide it.
18:46Do you know.
18:46Okay.
18:47Shh, shh, shh.
18:48Oh, shit.
18:49Is that an airy governor?
18:53Okay.
18:53It's probably quite close.
18:58It's probably quite close.
19:02Oh, God.
19:04It's a slifter.
19:04Mal, look.
19:26It's so weird, isn't it?
19:28When you look at us together...
19:30Mal, look.
19:30Mal, look.
19:32Mal.
19:32Can you open that door, please?
19:34I need some air.
19:35This is insane.
19:37I mean, it's a shock, but it's also not a shock, you know,
19:40because it explains a lot.
19:42I mean, I wonder if the man I thought was my father
19:45ever knew the truth.
19:47Poor Daddy.
19:49Well, this must be why my parents divorced.
19:51Shh.
19:53Maybe Joan told them.
19:54That must be why we never see Joan.
19:57That sounds about right.
19:59Can you just pull my sleeve, please?
20:01Look, I'll get some layers off.
20:02Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
20:06Come in.
20:09Where are you?
20:13Oh, it's locked.
20:15Can't get under there.
20:17Hoist by your own petard there, Anne, I think.
20:28Oh, my goodness.
20:29My system's not used to champagne.
20:31No.
20:32Come on.
20:33Mortified.
20:37I've got a present now.
20:39Yeah.
20:40Another little slifter.
20:41Oh, gotcha.
20:50Oh, please don't tell, Mum.
20:52I won't if you won't.
20:53Shh.
20:57Oh, upstairs.
20:58Oh, I'm on my way.
21:04Oh, I fainted.
21:06I fainted.
21:07Oh, ding dong.
21:08Christmas comes once a year.
21:10Do you know, I knew you two were loved.
21:12We not.
21:13He just drove us here.
21:14I thought they had to take some clothes off.
21:16Cat's out the bag, Joanie.
21:20I've seen the photos.
21:21Oh.
21:22Yeah.
21:24Spill the tea.
21:26Right.
21:26Well, I suppose it's only a matter of time,
21:28but listen, you're going to have to speak to your mother about those.
21:31Where is she?
21:32I'm buggered if I know, because I've searched the whole house.
21:35Darling, you stay with your paramour.
21:36Have you finished?
21:37Finished.
21:37Stop chilling.
21:38Can I have some water, please?
21:43Mommy!
21:46Right, OK, let's split up.
21:49I'll take the lawn.
21:50Joan, you do the meadow.
21:52The meadow.
21:52And, um, Anne, you and the kids check the drive.
21:55OK.
21:58Felicity!
22:00Ganga!
22:02Would you look at this, huh?
22:04Felicity!
22:05Christmas night.
22:07I'd still be doing the washing up at home if I was there right now.
22:10Yeah.
22:10Not standing here.
22:13Look at the stars.
22:16Sorry.
22:16Hang on.
22:16Sorry.
22:17Oh, God.
22:19Oh, Grace.
22:21What?
22:22There's a flight out of Heathrow tonight.
22:24Well, that's good news, isn't it?
22:26Yeah.
22:27Great air, great.
22:29Yes.
22:30Um, all I have to do now is just, um, click this link to confirm.
22:37Oh, no, would you look at that?
22:39My phone's off to running out of battery.
22:40Oh, no, what a shame.
22:43Mom, just guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?
22:46What a bummer.
22:49Just got to end up staying here.
22:52Yeah.
22:52Hey, do you know what?
22:53I'm going to go for a walk.
22:57Yeah.
22:58Felicity!
23:01Yeah, this is just, it's better than cover.
23:04Felicity!
23:06According to Wikipedia, I have eight brothers and sisters.
23:11Jade Jagger came in once when I was at Quo Vadis.
23:16I wonder, did she know?
23:18Felicity!
23:20It's mad.
23:21I think I could be spending next Christmas with them in Turks and Caicos.
23:24Ah!
23:25Whoa!
23:26Amanda!
23:27Ow!
23:28I just fell in the ha-ha.
23:31You all right?
23:32Yes!
23:33I am all right, Mal.
23:35Why are you laughing?
23:36You fell in the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
23:38Who falls in a ha-ha?
23:39Stop!
23:40It's not funny!
23:41You fell in a ha-ha.
23:42Come on!
23:44Get up!
23:46Amanda!
23:47I'm so sorry!
23:48Oh, my God!
23:49Oh, you know what?
23:50Thank you so much for today.
23:53Really.
23:54It beats lying on a couch with a curry in Halstead.
24:03Is that Jane's dog?
24:05Mummy?
24:07Mummy!
24:09Felicity!
24:11I don't know.
24:13What? Ludo, wait, wait.
24:17Ludo!
24:18Huh?
24:20Oh.
24:22What'd you say?
24:24Ah, ah, ah!
24:27Ah-ha!
24:30Ah-ha!
24:33Very away in a manger.
24:34Ah.
24:35I knew it was too good to last.
24:37Well, you're the last one to be found, so...
24:38That makes you the winner!
24:40Yeah, it's bravo, that girl.
24:41I tell you what, I could do you a big scoop of the Stilton
24:44and I'll crack open a bottle of port.
24:46Stop.
24:46You don't have to have port.
24:47Just stop talking, please.
24:49It's too much.
24:50It's Christmas, it's supposed to be too much.
24:52No, you're too much.
24:53All this is wild viva and endless glee and everything.
24:56It's just, it's just, just stop.
24:58Please.
25:01OK.
25:04Stop.
25:05Come on.
25:06Come on, Joanie.
25:07This is what happens when you stop, the old black dog creeps in and, oh, come on, put yourself
25:22together, put yourself together, Joanie.
25:23Why are you being like this?
25:25Is that because of you, Flick?
25:27What nonsense.
25:28Do you remember what they used to call us on that ghastly old debutante circuit?
25:33Hmm?
25:34Great hair and the spare.
25:38Oh, actually, that's all the good.
25:40Yeah, it's all about the beautiful Felicity Wyndham.
25:44And I was just the podgy little sister.
25:47So I decided to be the life and soul of the party.
25:50Hostess with the mostess, the last one standing at the barn dance.
25:53And I can tell you something, after 60 bloody years, it's exhausting.
26:02Why didn't you ever see anything before?
26:04Oh.
26:05Well, it took Amanda to twist your arm to get you down here.
26:08Mummy?
26:09Oh, it's her.
26:10Oh, yeah.
26:11Yes, we're here.
26:12We're here.
26:13Hello.
26:14There she is.
26:18Yes.
26:19You know, I've spent the whole day trying to recreate the perfect family Christmas.
26:25But it turns out my whole life has been a lie.
26:29For God's sake, Amanda, stop being so melodramatic.
26:32Look, let's go inside and do your moment with the pavlovas.
26:35Yes.
26:36No, Mummy.
26:37I know your secret.
26:39And I know Joan knows.
26:40And that's why you didn't want to come here.
26:42Because you were worried she'd spill the beans.
26:46What is she talking about?
26:51Mummy, I've seen the photos.
26:55I have in my hand the proof.
27:00I'm Sir Mick Jagger's love child.
27:04What?
27:07Give this to me.
27:09Give this to me.
27:10Give this to me.
27:15That's not Mick Jagger.
27:16That's our cousin Rosamund.
27:18Oh, God.
27:19She was rather Jagger-esque, don't you think?
27:21Look, with the slim hips and everything.
27:23Oh, my God.
27:24Did you get her round robin this year?
27:25They had to put down Pinky.
27:26Oh, no.
27:27OK.
27:28So, if Mick Jagger isn't holding your pregnant belly, then what is the big deal?
27:31Why didn't you want anyone to see them?
27:33Look, the thing is, I wasn't pregnant in this photograph.
27:36I was fat.
27:38What?
27:39It was the 70s.
27:40I'd just discovered Black Forest Gatto.
27:44And that's our big family secret, that you were once fat for a summer?
27:49Yes.
27:50Though your father rather liked it.
27:53And you were conceived on that holiday.
27:56Oh, God.
27:57I just sent you to make Jagger a DM.
28:00Come here.
28:01I'm freezing.
28:02What was she thinking?
28:03Oh, sorry, Joanie.
28:04Oh, it's all right.
28:05It's all right, honestly.
28:06Merry Christmas.
28:07If there's any consolation, I always felt that Ma and Pa loved you more than they loved
28:24me.
28:25Oh, huh.
28:26I'd swap that any day for a go on a Hemsworth brother.
28:29Ooh.
28:30Is that singing?
28:31Yes, it's Anne.
28:32Come and enjoy.
28:33Come and enjoy.
28:34Oh, tiny.
28:35That's all.
28:36Ow.
28:37She's falling in the ha-ha.
28:38She'll be fine.
28:39Come on.
28:40And then John McClane ties this hose pipe around his waist because he thinks the guy
28:56in the helicopter is going to shoot him.
28:58So he's got no way out.
28:59So he ties himself in nice and tight.
29:01Is he topless?
29:02No, no, no.
29:03But by this point, he's down to his vest.
29:05How is this a Christmas film?
29:07What?
29:08You all right?
29:09Yeah.
29:10I'm sorry Mick Jagger wasn't your father.
29:14I just thought that I was special.
29:20You are special.
29:21I'm sorry.
29:22You didn't get to sleep with a rolling stone.
29:23Oh, I did sleep with Mick once or twice back in the day, but not in a way that you would
29:36get pregnant.
29:37Right, everyone, we're going to do Amanda's photo.
29:41Oh, Mummy.
29:42What?
29:43Really?
29:44Shall I get the pavlova?
29:45You know what?
29:46I mean, I could take the photo for you.
29:47No, guys, you're all in it.
29:48Come on.
29:49There we go.
29:50Everyone ready?
29:51Yeah.
29:52I'll just do the timer.
29:53Hang on.
29:54Oh, no, no.
29:55Quickly, quickly.
29:56Hang on.
29:57Okay, quickly, quickly.
29:58Come on, everyone.
29:59Are you ready?
30:00Say cheese.
30:01Cheese!
30:02Oh!
30:03Ah!
30:04There's a girl that likes a pudding.
30:32Oh!
30:35Eh!
30:36There's a girl that's
30:58oh!
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