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00:00I'll be locking two teams of comedians in this box and forcing them to compete in games as the walls slowly close in on them.
00:07It's like the trash compactor scene from Star Wars, but instead of using trash, we're using four comedians.
00:12So actually thinking about it, same same.
00:14I'm Jimmy Carr, welcome to Battle in the Box.
00:21This is the box, 16 meters long, 3 meters wide, with barely enough room to swing a cat.
00:26In case you were wondering how my cat died.
00:29Two teams will spend a day and a night cut off from the outside world.
00:33I snore really loud.
00:39Whilst competing in a series of games designed to test them to their very limits.
00:46You're a disgrace, absolute disgrace.
00:48Win and they can fill their side of the box with an array of luxury items.
00:53Here comes some stuff.
00:55I'm having pancakes.
00:56A xylophone.
00:57Take away.
00:58At a train set.
00:59Choo choo.
01:00And more importantly, they get to move the dividing wall deeper into their opponent's side.
01:05You might want to step back a couple of times now.
01:07Because the way you two are pushing it makes it look like you're actually enjoying it.
01:11In the final challenge, one team will find the keys and escape with whatever they can carry, whilst the losers will be locked in the box forever.
01:20Why say forever?
01:21Let's see if the family pays the ransom.
01:23Right, on with the show.
01:25Let's go.
01:30Throughout their stay, I'll be keeping an eye on our guests from here.
01:33My personal lair.
01:34I wanted a hollowed out volcano, but you know, you make do.
01:38First to enter the box, it's the orange team.
01:40Made up of Rachel Paris and Guz Khan.
01:42I have personally very positive vibes.
01:44Yeah, I feel very good.
01:45I think we're a good team.
01:46Sure.
01:47I mean, literally, all you've done so far is arrive on a golf buggy someone else was driving.
01:51But yeah, great teamwork.
01:52Oh!
01:53This is so weird!
01:55It's mild funny.
01:56You know when we go out there?
01:58I swear to God.
01:59Team, team, team, team, team.
02:00I will kick them for you.
02:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:02Next to enter the box, it's the blue team.
02:04Josh Pugh and Amy Gledhill.
02:08Woo!
02:09My wife actually doesn't want me to do this.
02:11Because she's said that people will see the real me.
02:15She said it, I didn't know how to take that.
02:17I would take that as, she doesn't love you, she never loved you, and your marriage is a sham.
02:21I'm sort of fine with the box thing, because I feel like I've spent a lot of time on the megabus.
02:27Yeah.
02:28And that's, what's that other than a big tin box?
02:32I brought that in with me, is that cool?
02:34Fucking hell!
02:36I'm starting to see why your wife's not keen on you, Josh.
02:39I'm fully backing us to do, to succeed.
02:41And actually, what is success?
02:42Is it winning the challenges, or is it having an experience where we learn and grow?
02:47I think it's winning the challenges.
02:48In this it is the challenges, yeah.
02:49Hello?
02:50Hello?
02:51It's Liam Neeson.
02:53Can you hear us?
02:55It's Liam Neeson.
02:57Knew it!
02:59Knew it!
03:00Oh.
03:01Hello?
03:02Hello?
03:03Hello?
03:04Hello?
03:05Hello?
03:06Oh, this has got real first couples to arrive at the orgy vibes.
03:10Hello?
03:11Hello?
03:12Who is that?
03:13It's Eamon Holmes and Ruth Langsford.
03:14Who are you?
03:15Richard and Judy.
03:16Oh!
03:17Oh!
03:18Oh!
03:19Oh!
03:20Oh!
03:22Both teams have spent as much time in the box as I spend with my family on a weekend,
03:2630 supervised minutes.
03:28So, it's a good time to drop in and finally show them who they're competing against.
03:32Right now you're probably thinking, who else's career is going to end here tonight?
03:39Well, take a look at the screen because you're about to find out.
03:42Oh!
03:43Josh, move!
03:44I can't see you.
03:45Hi, Amy!
03:46Hi!
03:47Hi, Rachel.
03:48Hi, guys.
03:49I don't want to compete with you.
03:52You're so nice.
03:53Well, we can all be nice together.
03:55You know, if you just blast the wall with your foot, will it come down?
03:58Just blast it.
03:59If only there was a word for blasting something with your foot.
04:03Foot punch, maybe?
04:04Should we do it?
04:05No, I'm going to blast it.
04:07Look, he did move a bit.
04:09He's going to get chucked out.
04:11Here's how this is going to work.
04:13Play game.
04:14Win game.
04:15Spin wheel.
04:16Move wall.
04:17Get money.
04:18Buy stuff.
04:19Argue over stuff.
04:20Have fight.
04:21Call ambulance.
04:22Regret life choices.
04:24It really is that simple.
04:25I'll see you in a bit for your first game.
04:27See you in a bit, Jimmy, lad.
04:29And what?
04:30That wall is going to move.
04:31He to us.
04:32Yeah.
04:33But only if we lose.
04:35We're going to win.
04:36Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.
04:37That's right.
04:38They can move the wall provided they win a game.
04:40The first of which is coming now.
04:46It's game time, everyone.
04:48Stand by for an important message.
04:49Oh, my God.
04:50Oh, my God.
04:51Josh, this is it.
04:52For this game, you are going to need a head for heights.
04:55That's because we're going skydiving.
04:57What?
04:58Whichever team can nail the most tandem moves without hitting the ground and dying wins.
05:02Now, stand back and prepare to play freefall.
05:03I've given both teams a catalogue of tandem skydiving positions.
05:12Skydiving position guide.
05:13The guides have dozens of positions for them to choose from.
05:18With simple moves such as can-can, fist of God and chalk outline.
05:23Oh, wow.
05:24It's like the Kama Sutra.
05:26To trickier ones such as deep stretch, smell your later and the potentially problematic sky rodeo.
05:33They've got an hour to plan and practise their own routine before executing their jumps on these state-of-the-art simulators.
05:41It's green screen, isn't it?
05:42It's green wood.
05:43And it's nothing more, nothing less.
05:46Why are you on the phone?
05:49I don't know how to get on it.
05:52I'm going to be completely honest with you, Rachel, yeah?
05:56I don't think me being trapped in a box in an orange jumpsuit...
06:03It's...it's going to play well.
06:07I think Amnesty International will say, that's a bit Guantanamari.
06:11I don't think you should get involved in that.
06:14That is...that's tight.
06:17Is it?
06:18That is tight, yeah.
06:19I think I look like an astronaut, which I like.
06:23Sorry, can I just say, I just thought, that's white privilege, isn't it?
06:26You're like, orange jumpsuit, I feel like a prisoner.
06:29And I'm like, orange jumpsuit, I'm a fucking astronaut!
06:35I'm going to meditate.
06:36Turtle head, so we can come right up here.
06:39Yeah.
06:40And then our hands are on our belly.
06:41When they perform their jumps, it's up to them to remember their routines,
06:44for which the orange team have a solution.
06:46And they say that?
06:47Can-can.
06:48And what are they saying now?
06:49Can-can.
06:50Uh-huh, what are they saying now?
06:51Can-can.
06:52Then chalk.
06:53And then they chalk up the place.
06:54Chalk outline.
06:55Chalk up the place.
06:56Chalk sneaky sneaky.
06:57Chalky, chalky.
06:58Sneaky, sneaky.
06:59And with a can-can?
07:00Can-can chalk.
07:02Shit.
07:03Just put out a mixtape after this, mate.
07:06Excruciating raps over, it's time for take-off.
07:10Remember, whoever completes the most moves before hitting the ground wins.
07:13Starting with Rachel and Gus.
07:15Orange team, are you ready to plummet 10,000 feet without leaving the box?
07:20Assume the position.
07:22Gus.
07:24Gus.
07:25This is it.
07:26Okay.
07:27Three, two, one.
07:30Jump.
07:31Mega meditation.
07:33Mega meditation.
07:36Can-can.
07:41Ew.
07:42Oh, you bastard.
07:44Chalk outline.
07:49Sneaky, sneaky.
07:50Oh, yeah.
07:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:52You that way.
07:53I'm coming up like this with you.
07:54Ooh.
07:55Yeah.
07:56And what was relaxed?
07:57Just chilling?
07:58Yeah.
07:59Mm-hmm.
08:00High five.
08:01Oh, yeah.
08:02Was there another one before the high five?
08:03Then I think we go out.
08:22Shit.
08:23Well, despite their memory aid mixtape, they missed out on that last position.
08:27Can Josh and Amy beat their score of six?
08:30Blue team, you're up next.
08:31Take on the position.
08:35Three, two, one.
08:38Jump.
08:39Mega meditation.
08:42Ooh.
08:44Turtle head.
08:47Can-can.
08:48High command.
08:49The best you could do.
08:55Er...
08:56Sky high five.
08:57Sky high five.
09:01Whoa!
09:02Gone!
09:05Superman dodge.
09:06Oh, we did it, we did it.
09:07Superman dodge.
09:10Er...
09:11Come to bed.
09:12Come to bed.
09:14Er...
09:15Chalk outline.
09:16I'm in a ball now, aren't we?
09:20Yep.
09:22My helmet's gone.
09:23Helmet's gone.
09:25The leap.
09:26The leap.
09:28Ah!
09:29Get, get!
09:30As far as you are!
09:31What a thrill.
09:32Oh, my God, they've got so many.
09:33With an incredible nine skydiving slash sex positions, Amy and Josh have plummeted their way to victory.
09:47Blue team wins.
09:48Be better, orange team.
09:49Be better.
09:51Woo-hoo!
09:52One and one done.
09:54At least we made it down safer, that's the main thing.
10:00As they won the game, blue team will get to push the dividing wall into Gus and Rachel's half of the box.
10:06When you're ready, tap the button and see how far the wall will move.
10:10Depending on where the wheel lands, the wall can move anything from two to five spaces.
10:18Ready?
10:19One, two, three.
10:22It's sort of like Casino Royale, except without the prestige or budget.
10:32What?
10:33Oh, wow.
10:35Shit!
10:37Oh, sorry, guys.
10:38Sorry, guys.
10:39Sorry, guys.
10:43Push the wall.
10:44Oh, my God!
10:46Get away!
10:48I'm so sorry!
10:50I can't believe you're doing this to us.
10:52You've only got plugs off your left.
10:55How far are they going?
11:03We've got a massive place there, you know.
11:05They're staying there.
11:06That is more than I thought.
11:08We're stuck now.
11:10We're in the toilet.
11:12Because capitalism is important, even inside a dystopian box, they also get to win virtual box coin to spend on luxury items.
11:20To decide how much they win, they must simply pick a box.
11:22Is it George Green?
11:24I don't know.
11:25Bee!
11:26Bee, please!
11:32We got the most one!
11:33Oh, did we?
11:34There's hundreds of things for Amy and Josh to spend their 3,000 box coin on.
11:38Including a double bed for 950, houseplants for 200, or a takeaway for 1,000.
11:45Should we have something to eat?
11:47I mean, we might need some furniture, Amy.
11:50If I might.
11:52Food before furniture, very much the Yorkshire way.
11:54If they get pizza.
11:56Oh, my God.
11:57I'm so hungry.
11:58You've got 3,000.
11:59You've got bear money.
12:01Takeaway.
12:03Shall we have a night in tonight?
12:04Let's have a night in.
12:05A night in tonight.
12:06Let's have a night in.
12:07We'd like a bunk bed, a sofa, some squash.
12:12I've allowed the comedians to fill up a small box with items they deem to be luxury.
12:16What you're looking at right there are Amy's luxury items.
12:20Amy?
12:21Hey.
12:23I'm here!
12:24That's the thing, isn't it?
12:25Yeah, that's unbelievable.
12:26Office stationery, mystery item, non-alcoholic beers, a magic trick, a tea set and some biscuits.
12:36Each item is hand-delivered by my minions, sort of oompa-loompas but with even fewer workers' rights.
12:42And the orange team react with grace and dignity.
12:45Oh, come off it!
12:47For fuck's sake!
12:48You're getting a whole suite of furniture!
12:52Oh my God!
12:54You know what's nice about that?
12:55It's not too high.
12:56Yeah.
12:57Do you know what I mean?
12:58You can be like, come on now.
13:00Go to sleep now.
13:01Come on.
13:02Oh, that's nice.
13:03You guys have to be up in the morning and all you can hear is you making a racket.
13:05Is this your talking to your wife?
13:06You can do this again.
13:08You won't have friends over again.
13:09You can't have another biscuit.
13:11Do this again.
13:12I can't hate on them.
13:15They're nice people.
13:16Yeah.
13:17They've got a poof!
13:18Oh no, it's another chair.
13:19It's another chair, it's all right.
13:20You said, they are nice people.
13:21They've got a poof!
13:22Bastards!
13:23We're going to take a quick break now so our guests can write their reviews on our Airbnb
13:38page.
13:39And it better be five stars all round or they're getting the hoes.
13:42See you in five.
13:43Welcome back.
13:53Let's see what's been going on with our captives.
13:56Sorry, comedians.
13:57Did I say captives?
13:58It doesn't matter.
14:00Both teams have now been in the box for roughly three hours.
14:03They've played one game so far and Josh is learning that winning isn't all it's cracked
14:07up to be.
14:09This is actually...
14:10I'm livid.
14:11Oh, why?
14:12So you know I got this magic trick?
14:14Yeah, I've heard.
14:15So I was going to entertain you but also the viewers at home?
14:18Yeah.
14:21The tuition's on a CD.
14:24Now for the latest instalment of Guz slowly realises what he signed up for.
14:29Do we really have to spend the whole time in here?
14:31Yeah.
14:33Not actually.
14:34No, you do.
14:35Worst case scenario, yeah?
14:38If I keep that door down.
14:41Yeah.
14:42Yeah.
14:43What can...
14:44What can I do?
14:45Right.
14:46Time to get another game in before Guz foot punches the door down.
14:49Don't look and put that on your forehead but don't look.
14:53It's game time.
14:54Stand by for this important message.
14:56Right.
14:57Everyone has their own rules for life but Leonardo DiCaprio, it's no one over the age of 25.
15:03For Ant and Dec it's never let Ant drive.
15:06But now it's your turn to make some rules to live by.
15:09Whichever team commits the fewest infringements wins.
15:11This is House Rules.
15:14Each player nominates one rule for the box and the goal is to commit the fewest infringements.
15:20The catch is to come up with a rule that you think your opponents can't live without breaking.
15:26After all rules are approved, scores are tallied and the box with the fewest rule breaks wins.
15:32I think they might have got some devious ones for us.
15:35That's what I'm worried about.
15:36But you don't know what they're going to do.
15:37They might say no sitting on your furniture.
15:39Maybe their rule is like, our Guz can't have a beard.
15:41Failed.
15:42What about you can't touch your head or face?
15:46Rule accepted.
15:47No touching faces, especially mine, cost a fortune.
15:50Everybody has to speak in an Asian accent.
15:53I don't think you see.
15:55That's the kind of thing.
15:57Get loose.
15:58But we'll lose at life.
16:00What about Cockney accent?
16:02Yeah, fucking hell, yeah.
16:03It's alright.
16:04Pretty choppin' end up.
16:05Yeah, fucking hell, yeah.
16:06I've got it, yeah.
16:07Yeah, fucking hell, yeah.
16:08Can our rule be that you have to speak in a pretty passable Cockney accent at all times?
16:15Rule accepted.
16:17You have to start every sentence with the phrase, your name says.
16:22Jimmy says, rule accepted.
16:24Yay!
16:25Alright.
16:26Could our second rule be that you always have to keep your hand on the wall?
16:32Rule accepted.
16:34Yes.
16:35Josh says he's very happy with that.
16:37Er, Amy says, Josh left the fridge open.
16:40Josh says, keep my name out your goddamn mouth.
16:43OK, all four rules have been submitted, the game has begun.
16:48Let's find out what you've come up with.
16:52Begin every sentence with your name says.
16:56You can't touch your head or face.
17:00You must always have one hand on the wall.
17:04Always speak in a Cockney accent.
17:07Josh says that's fucking ridiculous.
17:10So, it started now, I think.
17:16Mere seconds into the game, Orange team are off to a flyer.
17:19Remember, whichever team commits the fewest infringements is the winner.
17:23Rachel says, how's it started now?
17:27Gaz says, it has started now.
17:30Jimmy says, it started minutes ago, which is why Orange team are already losing.
17:35Ah!
17:36Amy says, our food's here.
17:38Josh says, this is going to be very difficult to eat with one hand on the wall.
17:42Amy says, we've done this on purpose.
17:45Rachel says, there's a fly in here.
17:48Gaz says, I reckon it's a mosquito.
17:51Gaz says, we could get malaria.
17:54Josh says, you fancy some scram?
17:56Amy says, I don't know.
18:00Josh is there.
18:01Josh says, you're going for it.
18:07Where can you get it?
18:09Rachel says...
18:19Rachel says, I got it.
18:20Josh says, there's a lovely bit of food.
18:22Gaz says, I reckon...
18:25I reckon these lot are going to do a shitter of an accent.
18:30Amy says, you're approaching the couch.
18:34Amy says, I reckon you could put that tray on the sofa.
18:40Amy says, well done.
18:42Josh says, you're welcome.
18:44Rachel says, I can hear them doing the accent.
18:46Gaz says, but well, we'll shit.
18:50It's my tooth.
18:51Gaz says, my teeth is not my face, is it?
18:52I suppose it counts as face.
18:53Teeth?
18:54Yeah.
18:55As someone who spent a lot of money on mine, I can confirm teeth do count as your face.
19:12Gaz says, I reckon we're going to lose another 62 pieces of the wall.
19:17Rachel says, we have to be so careful, because I'm fucking hungry.
19:21Jimmy says, Rachel might kill and eat guz by the end of this.
19:26Josh says, I'm not going to have a plate.
19:27Rachel says, all I can think about is food.
19:34Amy says, you're absolutely smearing them windows with your messy fingerprints.
19:40Amy says, well done.
19:41Rachel says, this is making me really hungry.
19:45Josh says, he's going in.
19:47Cos says, I think, at the end of the day.
19:48Rachel says, what was that for?
19:49We have to go get me.
19:50Dr.
19:51Acryl says, well done.
19:52And we'll put a plate with any nice eggs.
19:53Just have to be a good bit, and we'll have to be a good lady.
19:54That'll be a good lady.
19:55Just have to be a good lady.
19:56Great lady.
19:56Just have to be a good lady.
19:57We'll do it.
19:58It's a good lady.
19:59And we'll do it.
20:01Just have to be that a good lady, what is it actually doing?
20:01I can't wait.
20:02Just have to be a good lady.
20:05I did.
20:06And we'll do it.
20:07I feel like a good lady at a good lady.
20:10For me, I'm gonna go get a good lady.
20:12Let's go.
20:12Rachel says, what was that for?
20:16Kaz says, I think it's because I touched my tooth.
20:19He's catching on.
20:20Fuck yeah, no.
20:21No, maybe not.
20:28Rachel says, we're losing this so badly.
20:32It's at this point I should probably put Orange team out of their misery,
20:34but not before a small consolation rule break from Josh.
20:38Only says, how is it?
20:40Josh says, he wiped his mouth.
20:54When it's all over, I can confirm the winner of house rules.
20:57The blue tip.
20:59Yes.
21:02Oh, I'm good.
21:04Josh says, can we now drop this fucking stupid accent?
21:08How much did we lose by the thing?
21:09I'm so hungry.
21:14It's two losses on the bounce for the Orange team.
21:17And with another wall move imminent, things are about to get even worse.
21:21Well, it's trash compacted time now.
21:23Spin the wheel, move that wall.
21:26Oh, man.
21:29Find out how much worse after the break.
21:31Welcome back to Battle in the Box.
21:46If you're just joining us, blue team have now won their second game,
21:50and orange team are about five minutes away from trying to eat each other.
21:53There's a lot riding on this next wheel spin.
21:55That's all right.
22:07That's okay.
22:09Guys, just so you know, two is basically the whole wall.
22:12Are you safe?
22:16Yeah, we're safe.
22:19Push the wall.
22:23Oh, God.
22:25The way you two are pushing it makes it look like you're actually enjoying it.
22:28No, we're not.
22:29Pushing it hard.
22:30Oh, it's so much.
22:34Oh, my God.
22:40In a weird way, this feels more familiar.
22:42It does feel more familiar, weirdly.
22:44It's probably a good...
22:45This feels like a bedroom.
22:47Good-sized single.
22:47Yeah.
22:48With an en suite.
22:50They're fine.
22:51They're having a great time.
22:51They've took it well.
22:53What's annoying is we've now got them with our sofa.
22:57Well, it's time to find out how much money you've earned in that round.
22:59Pick a box.
23:00Are you pleased, Jimmy?
23:01Are you pleased, Jimmy?
23:07It's good.
23:08Oh, that's really good.
23:11You're going to have to put some of this into an offshore account.
23:15I've actually got a guy you can speak to about that, Josh.
23:17Great guy.
23:18Totally legit.
23:19Oh, there's a fly on this water.
23:21Without looking at it.
23:23Yeah.
23:24Is there anything you think this place needs?
23:25A bit of pizzazz, a bit of panache, a bit of just...
23:28A plant would be nice.
23:29A plant would be nice, doesn't it?
23:30I know I've been stung with a magic trick before.
23:33Do you want another magic trick?
23:35I think I want another magic trick.
23:36We're a little over the five-hour mark, and while blue team buy another round of items,
23:40orange team are feeling the squeeze.
23:42I really need some food, because we didn't have lunch before we came in, and I'm, like, getting hunger pains, and we need something.
23:53Yeah, I'm not sure Rachel would have made a great astronaut, or a very good Guantanamo prisoner.
23:57I just took a bit off the size.
23:59HE LAUGHS
24:00Happy with that?
24:02No, I hate it.
24:03Put it back.
24:04I can't do anything.
24:05I hate it.
24:08I'll get my manager.
24:08HE LAUGHS
24:10Who is your favourite comedian?
24:20My sister used to look after me while her mum was at work.
24:27Like, at five, six years old, she would just, like, put on Eddie Murphy VHSs.
24:30Oh, yeah.
24:31Because they were like, it's funny, like, it's funny, like, funny, right?
24:33Noises, accents and stuff.
24:35If she hadn't done that, I wonder what, like, my sensibilities would have been, because that's young to be watching Raw and stuff like that.
24:45To think, if it wasn't for Guz's sister doing that, he might not be trapped inside a tiny box with a fly and a woman who's currently picturing his head as a rotisserie chicken.
24:53Yeah, he was a massive, massive influence.
24:57You know what brings comfort to me?
25:00I think Rachel and Guz have got better lives than us.
25:02Yeah.
25:03In the real world.
25:04Yeah, I think when they go home, they'll have a nicer time.
25:07Yeah.
25:07This is, so far, the best day I've ever had in my life.
25:11Spoken like a girl who spent quite a lot of time on a megabus.
25:15That's the Minions there, delivering Blue Team's purchases.
25:18They spent their 2,000 box coin on a shelving unit.
25:22House plants, air hockey table, tinned cocktails, classy, and a mystery item in the form of a top-of-the-range massage chair.
25:29Do they need it?
25:30No.
25:30Will it annoy the Orange Team?
25:32You betcha.
25:34Do you mind taking your shoes off, please, next time?
25:39They also spent half their winnings on a luxury experience, which is arriving at the box.
25:45Now.
25:53It's a silly business.
25:55Shh, shh, shh.
25:56Hello.
26:05Hello, ma'am.
26:07Hello, sir.
26:08Hello.
26:09My name's Ryan.
26:10For the next half an hour, I'll be your personal butler.
26:13Thank you, Ryan.
26:14May I start by pouring you a drink, ma'am?
26:16Yes, please, Ryan.
26:18On paper, Battle in the Box might seem like a cruel game, but remember, there's champagne,
26:23massages, and games of catch with little rolled-up bits of tinfoil.
26:27Now you'll get there.
26:29Look, look, you nearly caught that.
26:31Go on, piggy.
26:33Let's give them a chance to see how the other half lives.
26:35Oh, there they are.
26:42Have a nice time, are you?
26:43Are you okay?
26:45Yeah.
26:46Is that champagne?
26:47Yeah.
26:48You got a special chair?
26:50Yeah, we didn't actually ask for this.
26:52We thought it was a mystery item.
26:54If it makes for any better, some of the functions are not at full capacity.
26:57The lumbar button is a bit iffy.
26:59It does stick a little bit, so it's not completely without issue.
27:04Have you met Ryan?
27:07Have you met Ryan?
27:08Hi, Ryan.
27:10Is it Ryan or Brian?
27:12Whatever you want it to be, ma'am, really.
27:14Brian, then.
27:20I think we feel quite guilty about the whole situation.
27:24Don't feel guilty.
27:26We do feel guilty.
27:27Apart from having the servant, Brian, not allowed to sit.
27:31Sorry, Rachel, he's a butler.
27:34He's a butler, not a servant, Rachel, please.
27:35Is that not a servant?
27:37What have you got in your hands?
27:39It looks like a lovely ball.
27:40Yeah, what are you two up to?
27:41A foil ball.
27:43We made a ball out of foil.
27:46Yeah, that sounds good, doesn't it, as well?
27:48Sounds really bleak.
27:51It is bleak, it is bleak.
27:52Feeling a bit guilty and, let's be honest, slightly patronising, the blue team hatch a plan to deliver a care package to Gus and Rachel, courtesy of Ryan the butler.
28:04Shall I get some stuff for a crisp sandwich?
28:09Yeah, definitely.
28:11Do you need me to make the crisp sandwich, sir?
28:13Um, no, it's okay, Ryan, I feel like I'm giving something if I do it myself, I think.
28:19I don't think so.
28:20Would you like me to hand them the note, Mum, or read it to them?
28:23Oh, I'd like you to read it to them.
28:24To read it to them, of course, Mum.
28:25Is that okay?
28:25Yes, absolutely.
28:27Ryan, can you do a Cockney accent?
28:29Can you do a Cockney accent?
28:31Hmm, that may be a challenge, sir.
28:34It might be a nice thing to attempt to them.
28:37I think you should attempt it, Ryan, I think it's the least you can do, really.
28:40If that's your wish, Mum, yes, absolutely.
28:44It's a great spread, sir.
28:46Yeah, it's not bad, is it, that?
28:50But straight back here, Ryan, don't we?
28:51Of course, sir, yes.
28:55Oh, that's good, I feel a bit better.
28:58Get a move on, Ryan.
29:00Rachel's currently trying to work out how to saute a fly.
29:05How you doing, bro?
29:07I'm glad it's got rid of her, that bloody metal dish.
29:10She's doing my head and not there.
29:13Dear neighbours, please find these gifts for your enjoyment.
29:18All our love, Amy and Josh.
29:21Has anyone here actually met a Cockney?
29:23I'll leave the note with you.
29:24Can you take a message back?
29:25I believe so, Mum.
29:27Could you say, um...
29:28Fucking lovely, thanks for that.
29:30Certainly, sir.
29:31Thank you, mate.
29:32Thank you, Brian or Ryan.
29:36What kind of do you want?
29:38I'm going to mix them.
29:39Thank you, guys.
29:41You're welcome.
29:41Thanks, guys.
29:42Thank you so much.
29:43They did have a message for you, Mum.
29:45Oh, yes.
29:45Thank you, fucking very much.
29:48I appreciate it.
29:51I appreciate it.
29:51One of my friends, Hendoos, her friend's got her butler in the buff.
30:01So, a little tiny pinny.
30:05Not there.
30:06Right in there.
30:06And we were, by this point, like, late 20s.
30:11And he was about 19 or something.
30:15Oh, my.
30:15We immediately just got quite maternal about him.
30:20Like, by the end of the night, we were, like, talking to him about his, um, further education
30:25opportunities.
30:25I'm right.
30:26No, you did right.
30:27Come on.
30:28Do you do butler in the butt stuff?
30:31No, I'm a...
30:32Butler in the buff?
30:33What's that?
30:34What service is that?
30:35That is luxury.
30:36Not quite.
30:37Do you do butler in the buff, Brian?
30:39If you...
30:39If the price was right.
30:40I haven't done so.
30:41I'm a proper true butler.
30:43Yeah, some of those guys are, just because, you know, let's not diminish what they're doing,
30:46just because they've got the todgers out.
30:47They still know their way around a silver service.
30:50As the orange team tuck into a meal that could best be described as bleak kid's birthday,
30:55the conversation turns equally childish.
30:58Me and my husband, we're a farty household, I would say.
31:04Yeah?
31:04We're both quite windy.
31:05Clap it out.
31:06I think intrinsically loud farts are funny.
31:08So, I don't mind hearing them anytime, anywhere.
31:11It's when, like, it's nasal terrorism.
31:13Mm-hmm.
31:14That stresses me out.
31:16But you can't...
31:16You don't know.
31:17You don't know.
31:18You don't know till you...
31:21Till you've done it.
31:22...let your sphincter go, and then you'll find out what's going on.
31:28Well, Mum, if your chair is broken...
31:31Yeah.
31:32Do you need a massage?
31:33No, I couldn't.
31:35Ryan, I couldn't.
31:37Do you know what you could do, Ryan?
31:38You could just rock the chair a bit, so I feel like it's...
31:40Yes, certainly.
31:42Sort of a slow rock.
31:44A bit faster, actually.
31:45Faster?
31:46Do you do, um...
31:48Massage is a bit for egos.
31:51I do, sir.
31:52I'd love a couple of compliments, though, in my way.
31:54Well, I was already going to comment on your hair.
31:56It looks so buoyant this evening.
31:57Thank you very much.
31:59That's lovely.
32:02And the blue team's transformation into full aristocratic monsters is complete.
32:08Thanks, Ryan.
32:09That's my absolute pleasure, Mum.
32:10Blue team's luxury experience and borderline abuse of a human man is almost at an end, but
32:18not before one final request from Amy.
32:20Do you know any songs, Ryan?
32:23Do I know any songs, Mum?
32:24Mm.
32:24Of course.
32:25I'd love a bit of music, actually.
32:26Yeah.
32:27What would you prefer?
32:28Something like, um...
32:31Like crooning.
32:32Crooning?
32:32Bobby Darin or Sinatra.
32:35You'd like me to make a song up for you?
32:36I do.
32:37It doesn't even have to have lyrics.
32:39No lyrics?
32:40I just want it to be...
32:41Give me, like, a jazz atmosphere.
32:44A jazz atmosphere?
32:45You know what I mean?
32:51It's good, actually.
32:56I mean, there's a bit more brass than the horns.
32:58Oh, sorry.
33:06Nice.
33:10A bit quicker, though, or even.
33:14Oh, yeah.
33:15Yeah.
33:17A bit more kind of electronic.
33:21Yeah.
33:22Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:23Yeah, that's good.
33:27Yeah, and now there's lyrics.
33:28Now there is lyrics.
33:29Yeah.
33:29All in the box with the wind and plants and champagne stuff, maybe some fruit.
33:38And then you've got a nice little pen set here with some post-it notes.
33:42If you want to write on them, you can just put them where you want.
33:47Remind you of who to do things.
33:48Kind of building towards a finish.
33:49Yeah.
33:52And a box is gonna be fun.
33:56Yeah.
33:56That was absolutely incredible.
33:59Thank you, ma'am.
34:01That was Brian, I think, doing a song.
34:05That was Brian.
34:09There's distinctly different energy levels.
34:10Absolutely incredible.
34:12Well, it's time for another break.
34:17When we come back, we offer the contestants the choice.
34:19Stay in the box or get sent to Rwanda.
34:22See you in five.
34:32Welcome back to Battle in the Box, the show that combines comedy, drama and Stockholm syndrome.
34:37During the break, Amy and Josh bid farewell to Ryan.
34:41They're all singing, all dancing, all massaging Butler.
34:45It's late in the evening and right now, they're plotting where they could go if they leave the box.
34:50This is where we're gonna do our travel show.
34:52Okay.
34:53Josh and Amy tour the North Pacific Ocean.
35:00That's a tough one.
35:01Not actually a bad idea for a show, that.
35:06I mean, obviously, we'd need to replace you two with Romesh Ranganathan and his mum.
35:10But other than that, gold.
35:12Our next series, we head to...
35:13Series two.
35:15Legend.
35:16I'm going to my arse.
35:18It's basically like the key for the globe, how to read the globe.
35:21Meanwhile, in the orange box, things are tense.
35:24And with another game just around the corner, it feels like a must-win situation.
35:28Luckily for them, they look ready for anything.
35:38Stand by for your next game.
35:39I repeat, stand by for your next game.
35:44It's time for the World Series of Everything.
35:47Do the thing before your opponents, and when the klaxon sounds, whoever's got the most wins, wins.
35:53Everything you do must be verified by the watchful eye of my minions.
35:57Their decision is final.
36:02Need me to go over that again?
36:04Don't care.
36:04My food is here.
36:05Begin.
36:08Is this going to be visual?
36:11Fashion a tin file hat.
36:13This could be tricky for the orange team.
36:15They're only running on cereal bars, crisp sandwiches and bitterness.
36:18The orange team are off to an early lead.
36:28Play rock, paper, scissors and draw three times.
36:31No conferring.
36:32One, two, three.
36:34One, two, three.
36:36One, two, three.
36:38One, two, three.
36:40One, two, three.
36:41One, two, three.
36:44One, two, three.
36:45One, two, three.
36:48And that's another point for the orange team.
36:50Could this be their first win of the battle?
36:52Lie on the floor and make the 21st letter of the alphabet.
36:54Oh, God.
36:56Nice and easy.
36:57Just got to count letters.
36:58No rush.
37:01Any time now.
37:08V, of course, is not the 21st letter of the alphabet.
37:12T-U.
37:12Make a house of cards two storeys high.
37:26We don't have any cards.
37:28The cards have been planted in their bathrooms.
37:30Look, under the thing.
37:32Rachel has a much better solution.
37:34Sanitary towels.
37:36To be fair, she's making a good go of it.
37:38At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if they're...
37:40Oh, wait.
37:41No, Gaz has found them.
37:42There you go, mate.
37:43You seem very good at this.
37:44So I'm going to pass you these cards.
37:46Thanks, pal.
37:47Look, it's easy on the rug.
37:50Oh, that's clever.
37:51Wait, two perrits.
37:52You're not, you're not art.
37:53Oh, no.
37:54No, no, no.
37:55It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
37:56This happens in life.
38:07Oh, my God.
38:11Yes.
38:11Done, done, I'm done.
38:13Rachel seizes the opportunity.
38:15She's clearly hungry for the win, but mostly, she's just hungry.
38:19Ace of spades.
38:21Find the ace of spades.
38:23Is that ace of spades?
38:24No, it's ace of cloves.
38:30Got it.
38:31One of you flush your opponent's toilet and you turn to the box.
38:44Oh!
38:45I think we're going to have a heart attack from all of them.
39:11Blue team know they've lost it, but Gus and Rachel look nervous.
39:16Could they have won their first game of this battle?
39:19They won't believe it until they see it.
39:21I can reveal the orange team are the winners.
39:24It's bleak in there.
39:30Is it?
39:31Yeah.
39:32Yeah.
39:33Guys!
39:34Thank you for going so slow.
39:35Yeah!
39:36We appreciate it.
39:37We love you.
39:38Orange team, when you're ready, tap the button and let's see how far this wall moves.
39:43Oh, blimey.
39:44Oh, blimey.
39:45Oh, blimey.
39:46Oh, blimey.
39:47Uh-oh.
39:48Four!
39:49I quite like that student dormitory.
39:50Yeah, it's nice.
39:51Yeah.
39:52We might well go back to it.
40:06They might come back a bit more, maybe.
40:07They're having to move all their furniture.
40:08Is that what it is?
40:09Yeah.
40:10Bless your hearts.
40:11Finally, for the first time in this battle, the orange team get to push that wall.
40:24Keep going.
40:27This feels like a lot, guys.
40:28Yeah, it feels well far when you're pushing it.
40:29Woo-hoo!
40:30Well done!
40:31So, orange team proved just how quickly fortunes can change on this show.
40:47With a single win, they've doubled their living space.
40:50I might shit there.
40:51In the corner.
40:52Don't shit in the corner just because we've got a corner now.
40:55And one 4,000 box coin to spend on some much-needed luxuries.
40:59Look, look, we can have furniture!
41:01Could we have a single bed for 750?
41:04Mm!
41:05Feels better.
41:06Yeah, yeah.
41:07Should we get a Polaroid camera and film?
41:09That's so fun!
41:10That is fun.
41:11Based on how the last few hours has gone, I don't know how much of these memories I want to keep.
41:14But while they bask in the glow of their newfound luxury...
41:17What a change of life.
41:18...they mustn't forget that this fight is only halfway forward.
41:22I'm not ready to go.
41:26Are you not entertained?
41:28Will orange team's hot streak continue?
41:30Yeah!
41:31Yes!
41:32Or will blue team send them right back to the toilet?
41:35Oh, no!
41:36Come on, G!
41:37I've got a fire in me.
41:38Who died in the box?
41:40And as daytime turns to night...
41:42Should we have a naughty cap?
41:44...how long before they turn on each other?
41:46Nob-heads!
41:47That is so mean!
41:49Amy, can I bring something up with you?
41:51Oh, yeah, go on.
41:52I think you're playing a game, aren't you?
41:56Or, God forbid, me.
41:58Now these camera and microphone's off, what do you really think to Jimmy Carr?
42:02Find out in the next...
42:06...Battle in the Box.
42:07If you put people in these conditions, they get really upset about small things.
42:11You're meant to be the rule breaker. I feel like kicking this place down.
42:14In the meantime, I'd better go.
42:16What, you think this is the only group of people I have trapped in a box?
42:19I guess you don't know me that well.
42:21Good night.
42:22How do you do...
42:24...I hope...
42:26...something you...
42:34Jake a friend...
42:43How do you utilise our boxes...
42:45Let me know...
42:47Transcription by CastingWords
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