- 5 days ago
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00:00Best MDMA in Berlin, Dan, and take it from me, the MDMA in this city right now is, I mean, it's excellent.
00:07Have you ever read Primo Levi's essay on shame?
00:14He wrote it 40 years after leaving Auschwitz.
00:17He was trying to make sense of why he survived and others didn't, but he couldn't.
00:23A year later he threw himself from the landing of the house that he was born in, fell three floors to his death.
00:30Dan, we're here, on a rooftop, in Berlin.
00:35The sun is setting, this club is gorgeous, and there is no one here who is not a grade one decent human being.
00:42There will never come a better time for you to drop a pill than this exact moment.
00:49Should I just leave her?
00:51Well, you've never drunk or taken drugs, half as sensible.
00:55But you did just bring up suicide.
00:57And the Holocaust.
01:00In a nightclub.
01:01So.
01:01So.
01:01So.
01:30How do you feel it now?
01:40Yeah.
01:41Your eyes!
01:42I literally just thought your eyes was good.
01:44Oh my God.
01:45Yes.
01:46Yes.
01:47How does it feel?
01:49You feel good?
01:50Yeah?
01:50Yeah.
01:50Yeah.
01:50Yeah.
01:51Yeah.
01:51Yeah.
01:51Yeah.
01:52Yeah.
01:52Yeah.
01:53Yeah.
01:53Yeah.
01:54Yeah.
01:54Yeah.
01:55Yeah.
01:55Yeah.
01:56Yeah.
01:56Yeah.
01:57Yeah.
01:57Yeah.
01:58Yeah.
01:58Yeah.
01:59Yeah.
01:59Yeah.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Yeah.
02:02Yeah.
02:03Yeah.
02:04Yeah.
02:05Yeah.
02:06Yeah.
02:07Yeah.
02:08Yeah.
02:09Yeah.
02:10Yeah.
02:11Yeah.
02:12Yeah.
02:13Yeah.
02:14Yeah.
02:15Yeah.
02:16Yeah.
02:17Yeah.
02:18Yeah.
02:19Yeah.
02:20Yeah.
02:21Yeah.
02:22Yeah.
02:23Yeah.
02:24Yeah.
02:25Yeah.
02:26Yeah.
02:27Yeah.
02:58This is the best juice I've ever tasted.
03:12What?
03:13Oh, my God, that's amazing.
03:17Do you want a sip?
03:19Do you not hear any of what I just said?
03:23What are you talking?
03:25Oh, my God!
03:27Yes!
03:28I've been talking for about two minutes.
03:31Sorry.
03:36Seriously, this juice, though, why is it so good?
03:39You're out of breath.
03:41Mm.
03:42Mm.
03:43Mm.
03:44Mm.
03:45Mm.
03:47Mm-mm.
03:49Mm, mm, mm.
03:52I'll see you next time.
04:22We're making this beautiful loaf, so into a lot of your leavens plus 650 grams of water.
04:31All of our flour is made. Now it's time to combine everything.
04:34Work it until there's no dry flour left.
04:37And now let's go rest for 30 minutes. This is called the auto-leaves.
04:43When you give the...
04:52We are going to do stretch goals here too, but since you guys are more advanced, we're going to first start with this.
05:02Flat down, pull back, pull apart, and fold.
05:06And you'll see as I do this that the dough will go from shaggy and messy to smooth and strong.
05:11Now, if I were using my conventional oven, I would preheat to 485 degrees Fahrenheit.
05:18In my Ramco, I set the dial to 250 degrees Celsius. That's 482 degrees Fahrenheit.
05:24You made this, Dan?
05:48Yep.
05:50Looks real.
05:52It is real. I made it.
05:54You're a person who bakes bread now then, eh?
05:58Yes, I think maybe I am.
06:00How was it, Berlin?
06:02It was amazing.
06:04I felt better there than I felt in years.
06:07Good. That's good. You deserve that.
06:10It won't be long.
06:12It's just so good at getting Dean down. It drives me nuts, to be honest.
06:16Have you, um, heard from the Governor yet?
06:24I'm expecting a call any day now.
06:28I really should get a lawyer.
06:30You haven't got a lawyer yet?
06:32Dan, you need to get a lawyer.
06:35Yeah, I know.
06:36Dan, get a lawyer.
06:38Can't bury your head with this.
06:42This is gonna get real very soon.
06:44Yeah, I know. It's just...
06:48Lee told you how we met, right?
06:53Yeah.
06:54You met in recovery?
06:56Yeah, did he tell you how I ended up in recovery?
07:00No.
07:01I mean, he said that something happened, but he didn't say what.
07:05Well, I used to work as a prison officer, you know that.
07:09And I was on a young offenders unit, which...
07:12They're the worst.
07:13Just, yeah, testosterone raging.
07:16Teens trying to prove themselves.
07:19One day, in the chapel, I'm trying to break up a fight between three lads.
07:25And I get caught in the middle, pushed to the ground, and they turned on me.
07:32Kicked me in the head.
07:34In the face, ribs, kidneys.
07:38And then eight other lads ran over and joined in.
07:43Jesus Christ, Laura.
07:45Yeah.
07:47Yeah, so I was bedridden, and they put me on codeine for the pain.
07:54And then when I did go back, well, I hadn't seen the faces of the lads who jumped in.
08:01So every time I'm with one of them, part of me is thinking, was it you?
08:07Yeah.
08:08So I just fell deeper into codeine and felt it to get out.
08:17Thing is, I hated those boys.
08:22But I also found it hard to blame them.
08:29I mean, most of them had called me mum, by mistake, at some time or another.
08:34And I just...
08:35I just couldn't do it no more, Dan.
08:39I was...
08:41I was...
08:42neither one thing nor the other.
08:46It's being split that kills you.
08:52Jesus Christ.
08:59I had no idea that that happened to you, Laura.
09:05Yeah.
09:06What am I gonna do?
09:08Carry it round with me for the rest of my life?
09:11Yeah.
09:12Down!
09:13Boo-fucking-yah.
09:14God, you are so annoying.
09:15Well, what can I say?
09:16The boy loves his daddy.
09:17You coming?
09:18See you later.
09:19See you later.
09:20So, you finally took drugs, eh?
09:32Did you like it?
09:33Yeah.
09:34Yes, he likes it.
09:35So, you go abroad, drop an ee, come back, start baking.
09:40Yeah, it's the new me.
09:43I was out of that I learned Sanskrit.
09:45And this baking, did it involve using your oven by any chance?
09:50It did.
09:51Yeah.
09:52I used my oven.
09:53And?
09:54And it took me an hour and 15 minutes to get out of the house.
09:58I had to wait for the cooker to get ice cold before I could walk out.
10:02Hey.
10:03All right.
10:04Here's what you do.
10:05You're going to do it.
10:06You're going to do it.
10:07You're going to do it.
10:08You're going to do it.
10:09You're going to do it.
10:10You're going to do it.
10:11You're going to do it.
10:12You're going to do it.
10:13Here's what you do.
10:14Here's what you do.
10:15You're going out, right?
10:16You pull a table in front of your oven.
10:18You put everything you need on it.
10:19Phone, wallet, keys.
10:20All of it.
10:21Get ready.
10:22Take a shit.
10:23Crafty wank.
10:24Whatever.
10:25Then you go back to that table and you put each one of those things in your pocket.
10:28Then you touch each gas ring once.
10:31You look in the oven once.
10:32You look in the grill once.
10:34Just once.
10:35You don't do anything more than once.
10:37And then you say goodbye and good fuck and you walk out that door.
10:41And then, Dan, this is the most important bit.
10:46You do not come back.
10:51That sounds like surprisingly good advice.
10:56Thanks.
11:00You're not inside yet, Dan.
11:03You've got your case, defence, appeals.
11:08You take it one step at a time.
11:09Yeah.
11:18You're looking better.
11:20I'm back in the meetings.
11:21Doing what I need to do, you know?
11:23And you?
11:24Do you remember the, um, the prisoner that I told you about that, that you dads pad me?
11:38You're not talking to him again, are you?
11:40No, no, no.
11:41I'm on suspension and I couldn't even if I wanted to.
11:44But he told me that the guy got released.
11:49I checked the dates.
11:54And I know who he is.
11:57His name is Matthew Hall.
12:00I arranged to meet him this afternoon.
12:10Okay.
12:11But I wish that I could walk away.
12:12I wish I could just move on like you and Laura, but I can't.
12:18Mum says that I love the man that I know I hated.
12:21How can I move on?
12:23We want you to be Dean's godfather.
12:27Me and Laura were getting them christened.
12:28We want you to be the godfather.
12:32But he needs stability then.
12:33He needs a godparent who can walk out the door and meet him on time.
12:37Who isn't obsessed by a man who tossed him aside like a huge snot rag 25 years ago.
12:54Don't go and see this guy.
12:56Just walk away, yeah?
12:57Just walk away now.
13:23Just walk away now.
13:26And that's fair!
13:30With me he Rowan!
13:47She was showing you for a while.
13:50who's that uh hello is that matthew matty matty um it's it my name's dan stewart we spoke on the
14:10phone you're late i know sorry i was i was late the um i've been waiting for you you're 40 minutes
14:17late sorry about that yeah the um the bus was stopped then why didn't you call uh uh my sorry
14:29my phone got nicked was it that skinny lad upstairs what was it that skinny lad upstairs that nicked
14:38your phone no no i've i've only just got here he's always nicking phones he is
14:46there's supposed to be no crime here
14:50so
14:58I don't know.
15:28I, um, brought some biscuits.
15:46Digestant?
15:47Um, no, they're an own brand.
15:49They're kind of like Hognobs.
15:51Oh, fucking Hognobs.
15:56You'll want a tea, then?
15:58How many sugars?
16:03None.
16:03Sorry about all the air fresheners.
16:31No, that's fine.
16:33He keeps cooking fish, that skinny lad.
16:36I think it's him anyway.
16:39Might be someone else, I don't know.
16:42He stinks.
16:42Are you okay here?
16:49I mean, is there anyone helping you since you got out?
16:54Is there help?
16:56What, Your Honourable?
16:58We need to get a probation officer, but that's just to make sure you're not up to shade.
17:02There's no fucking help.
17:03Do you know where Basel is?
17:10Yeah.
17:14It's in Switzerland.
17:15Switzerland.
17:16That's right, yeah.
17:17I got a son out there.
17:19Working there he is.
17:20He's got two kids.
17:22And I was thinking of going out and seeing him.
17:25That sounds nice.
17:26So, can you get a plane there?
17:31Go to Basel?
17:31Yeah, sure.
17:34How much would that be?
17:36I don't know.
17:37Um, maybe a few hundred.
17:40What, a train?
17:40Can you get a train to Basel?
17:42I think you might have to change.
17:45How much would that cost?
17:47I really don't know.
17:48I mean, everything's online now.
17:53You know, I've been inside for 14 years.
17:55I don't know how to do all this fucking...
18:10So, you were my dad's padmate?
18:15Eight months, I was, yeah.
18:18Uh, what was he like?
18:23Your dad?
18:24Yeah.
18:24What was your dad like?
18:25Well, he was, uh...
18:29He was all right.
18:31Was he?
18:32Yeah.
18:34Yeah, he was all right.
18:35He was a...
18:36He was a laugh.
18:39My dad?
18:41My dad was a laugh.
18:43Yeah, funny as fuck, your dad.
18:46I did a good stretch with him.
18:47Um, laugh my way through most of it.
18:50Yeah.
18:51He was a good lad.
18:53Share his last faggy, but...
18:55You know, and then they...
18:55Even banned Sigs in prison and fucking ruined it.
19:00Much prison without a smoke.
19:01I tell you what, I'll never go back there now.
19:06That just doesn't sound like the man that I remember.
19:09Yeah, well, I'm not fucking lying, you know.
19:10Well, I'm not...
19:11I'm not...
19:11I know...
19:12Yeah, I've bumped with him for eight months.
19:15Every day.
19:16I know him better than you.
19:22He was a good lad.
19:24He had his moods, yeah.
19:25But he was a good lad.
19:28And he helped me with reading letters for my son.
19:30Other lads, they'd take the piss if they read a soft word,
19:33and then you'd be into something like,
19:34but not him, not your dad.
19:36He understood kindness.
19:37Did he?
19:37Yeah, he fucking well did.
19:41Look, you knew the man on the out.
19:43Right?
19:43But I knew the inside man.
19:44The man who was always there.
19:45The man who can't hide.
19:47Well.
19:50Which do you think is more real?
19:56I fucking hate hobnobs.
19:57It's all them fucking bits in it.
20:01I don't like fucking bits.
20:03What's wrong with the chocolate digestive?
20:11Did he ever talk about my mum?
20:15Yeah.
20:17Every single day.
20:20What was...
20:21Was he still angry with her then, or...?
20:25He wasn't angry.
20:26He was in love.
20:27Excuse me?
20:28He loved her.
20:30Always going on about her, he was.
20:31He said the greatest privilege of his life
20:34was to have held her in his arms.
20:37I mean, he'd say that two or three times a week.
20:40I mean, another man you'd get fucking chopsy with for that,
20:43but not your dad.
20:45That you didn't mind, like,
20:46cos...
20:47Cos he was a good'un.
20:49My dad said those words.
20:51He said...
20:52She made him a better man,
20:55but that he wasn't good enough.
20:57He wasn't angry with her.
20:59He was too busy lovin' her.
21:06Well...
21:07I'm gettin' tired now.
21:12If I go out of my nap,
21:14I have to have a nap in the afternoon.
21:20Is there anything else?
21:21Did he ever talk about me?
21:29You're not the drug one, are you?
21:36No, sir.
21:38He never talked about you.
21:39No, sir.
21:43No, sir.
21:56No, ma'am.
22:01No, sir.
22:03No, sir.
22:04No, sir.
22:05MUSIC CONTINUES
22:35MUSIC CONTINUES
23:05MUSIC CONTINUES
23:13MUSIC CONTINUES
23:18Hey, Dan!
23:19What's going on?
23:21What happened to that class?
23:22Hey, yeah, um...
23:24Sorry, I've been away.
23:26Well, like a holiday, is it?
23:27Before I detected a bit of a tan.
23:29I did go abroad, yeah.
23:31Lovely. Where'd you go?
23:33At Berlin.
23:34Berlin! I love Berlin!
23:35You've never been to Berlin.
23:37You're so fucking hard. I've been there loads.
23:39The drug scene is crazy in Berlin.
23:40You do the clubs, Dan.
23:41You go to Burkheim. Tell me you went to Burkheim.
23:43Sorry, didn't go to Burkheim.
23:45The food, though.
23:46You got yourself some curry verse, right?
23:47Yeah.
23:48I ate a curry verse.
23:49What the fuck is a curry verse?
23:51Berlin speciality.
23:52Breakfast covered in ketchup and curry powder.
23:54It's fucking disgusting, to be honest, but...
23:56You've got to do it, innit?
23:57You go to have your boyfriend, Dan?
23:59No, this time I went alone.
24:01Okay, okay.
24:02Listen, you've got to get them classes going, you know,
24:03cos Keef, he's riling without them, you know?
24:06He's eating a dictionary a day, yeah?
24:09And just gunning us down with words for him.
24:12So how are you guys doing?
24:14You know, I suppose we're just killing time
24:15and chatting shit and waiting for that out.
24:19Come on.
24:21See you later, Dan.
24:23Guten tag, boss. Good to see you, boy.
24:24See you, Dad.
24:25All right.
24:25Boyfriend?
24:29They assumed I was gay.
24:30I let them.
24:31So you're living as a closeted heterosexual?
24:33Smart.
24:49You all right, then?
24:52Yeah.
24:53Yeah, I'll just wait.
24:55Good.
24:57It won't be long.
24:58Or he might be.
24:59Who fucking knows?
25:08I had to do what I had to...
25:10Yeah, I know.
25:16I mean, I should never have put you in that position, really, or Jamie.
25:21It's me that should apologise, not you.
25:22I wasn't fucking apologising.
25:25I wasn't fucking apologising.
25:30Hey, how's Greg doing?
25:31Who's Greg?
25:32You know, Greg, the Skittles.
25:34Oh, Greg.
25:36Oh, yeah, he's...
25:36He's gone.
25:38You got release?
25:39No.
25:40Suicide.
25:41What?
25:43Yeah, I think it was asphyxiation.
25:45But to be honest, it was two suicides ago, so...
25:47I don't know.
25:48Are you serious?
25:50He's dead?
25:54The thing is, Dan, they don't all make it out of here.
25:56It ain't me.
26:23Come on.
26:38You've elected not to have a lawyer present.
26:40That's right.
26:42Can I ask why?
26:44There's no new information.
26:46I told you the truth.
26:48You know everything.
26:49Why didn't you tell me your father was a prisoner?
26:50Well, I've not seen him in 20 years.
26:54He's not a part of my life.
26:56Isn't he?
26:58Things like that can have a long tail.
27:01He's not a part of my life.
27:06What is it you think you've been doing here, Dan?
27:09What are we?
27:10Sorry?
27:10What have you been achieving?
27:15Um.
27:20People, people sort of enjoy thinking.
27:26Even those who we deem not to be good at it.
27:30Thinking is human.
27:35My course lets them think for a bit.
27:39It lets them feel human.
27:40The reason I operate a zero-tolerance policy, as regards staff and contraband, isn't piety.
27:51It's out of necessity.
27:53In common with every facility in this country, my prison is rife with drugs, violence and extortion.
27:59The levers I have at my disposal to stop staff exploiting or being exploited are very few.
28:04Prosecuting people like you, to the full extent of the law, is really the main one.
28:11I do it because it works.
28:14I understand.
28:15So, in light of that, I've decided not to prosecute.
28:22Excuse me?
28:23You didn't do what you did for gain.
28:24That's clear.
28:26So, prosecution serves no purpose other than to deprive the men of something they seem to like.
28:30You're right.
28:33They do like to think.
28:34It does make them feel human.
28:36It's better for me to have humans in it.
28:39Humans I can deal with.
28:40It's all right. I'm OK. I'm not going to get...
28:42I'm lifting suspension.
28:43Effective immediately.
28:46This is only one of a handful of times in the last 15 years I've given a second chance for something like this.
28:52There won't be a third.
28:53Do you understand that?
28:55Yes, I do.
29:00Oh, fuck me.
29:20Hey, hey, hey.
29:21Hey, what's wrong?
29:23Yeah, I'm OK.
29:24Hey, hey, hey.
29:25You OK?
29:25I'm OK.
29:26I'm OK.
29:27You too.
29:30Take a minute.
29:33Thank you, thank you, thank you.
29:34OK.
29:35Oh, my God.
30:05Oh, my God.
30:35And welcomes us home.
30:37In baptism, we respond to his call.
30:40Therefore, I ask, do you turn away from sin?
30:44I do.
30:45Do you reject evil?
30:48I do.
30:49Do you turn to Christ, the Savior?
30:52I do.
30:52Oh, Frank's gone retro.
30:57You look good with that baby in his arms, didn't you, girl?
31:14Oh, my God.
31:15It's fine, it's all.
31:16It did look good, though.
31:17You know what they say, Laura, one grandchild is plenty, but two has eaten that up.
31:21No one says that.
31:23Or three, or four, or five.
31:24Here, pack it in, you.
31:28You did look good with that baby, though.
31:29You're all right.
31:33Last time he was here was for Martin's funeral.
31:38It's nice to be back like this.
31:39Oh, I hear you're a baker now.
31:45Sour, though.
31:46Martin would be proud.
31:54Sorry about what I said, Dan.
31:56The last time you'll be here.
32:01You never need to say sorry, Danny.
32:03Not to a parent.
32:04We're bolted on.
32:14That's the drugs.
32:15Oh, my God.
32:16Why are you telling me that, Danny?
32:18I'm your bloody mum.
32:19You told me to.
32:20I didn't think you were going to come and tell me all about it.
32:23Oh, Jesus Christ, Danny.
32:26What drugs did you do, then?
32:28Actually, don't tell me.
32:28I don't want to know.
32:29Well, go on, then.
32:30What did you do?
32:32Sorry.
32:32It was just, it was recreational.
32:34It wasn't, it wasn't anything, you know.
32:36Are you going to do it again?
32:37I mean, do I need to worry?
32:39No, look, Mum, I just, I just went out and did normal things.
32:42I thought you'd want to know that I was being normal.
32:44Oh, oh, this is you being normal?
32:46Take drugs, then very normally, come and tell your mum all about it.
32:49At a christening.
32:50Just like normal people do.
32:51Right, Mum.
32:55I'm pleased you're being normal.
32:56He always was proud of you.
33:06Martin.
33:10He was proud of you every single day.
33:18Just like we all are.
33:19What's the leader?
33:31You're the leader.
33:32That's after.
33:32Okay.
33:33What do you ever do?
33:41Hark!
33:42What do you ever do?
33:43Ha-ha!
33:43I'm so happy.
33:44Okay.
33:44so after a few minutes of this i'll stop i'll turn around and i'll go oh oh i'm sorry sir
33:56i didn't know you were there i couldn't hear over the sound of all that fucking honking
34:01oh my god what did he do well he loses it he bangs his foot on the accelerator goes all the
34:08way around the outside of the car park to get around me so i thought all right so i just
34:13slipped on up and blocked the exit you didn't big line of fucking trolleys he gets ran and there's me
34:23kneeling doing my shoelace next thing i know he's nudging right up to my trolleys he starts
34:31shunting them what with his tesla with his fucking tesla oh my god what did you do frank well i just
34:38stood there watching that massive scraping sand of metal there isn't finally i'll step in and i'll say
34:47excuse me sir i would not advise you to do that and he says i don't take advice from the likes of you
34:54and i'll say i would if i were you sir because you're ripping your fucking bumper off
35:00it's ripped him right off then hey next thing i know there's a copper down what why
35:09they know no idea someone must have phoned him tesla's ecstatic he's straight with this man
35:17has kidnapped me he says oh god kidnap he says well this copper he takes one look at me he comes
35:26over and says all right frank how you doing he's only one of the bunch that nicked me and vinnie last
35:33time no no no they loved us when they nicked me and vinnie they was as good as gold most of these
35:42only get to deal with junkies but we was proper criminals they had a board up with pins and string
35:48all our crimes on mum she's so proud and he's all right good to see you frank you're looking so well
35:56oh you put a bit of weight on glad to see your back on your feet you keep your nose clean
36:02then he turns to elong fucking muscle
36:05nix him for criminal damage and threatening behind your head
36:12yeah
36:17i can believe it
36:19see ya
36:20hi bubba
36:22all right mum's best isn't she
36:26yep
36:29all right now last minute cuddles
36:33oh goodbye
36:37what are you off to tonight um i'm gonna go home get ready uh i've got a date well it's not a date
36:46i'm meeting natasha
36:48yeah yeah it's not a date we're just gonna get a coffee still that is something yeah yeah something isn't it
37:01thanks for asking me it's a great honour
37:05you soppy twat
37:07come on
37:08hi
37:09oh i got you
37:11oh i gotcha
37:12alright
37:14let go of it then
37:15let go of what
37:18the guilt
37:20do you know why dad walked out and that's the actual reason
37:26cause he's a fucking idiot
37:30that's all
37:33it's no deeper than that
37:36you look at this boy and you tell me it's any deeper than that
37:41get out
37:48it's alright
37:50it's alright
37:51it's alright
37:52you're good
37:53okay
37:54okay
37:55i have to talk to you about this
37:57i'll just take a moment
37:59i'll have to talk about this
38:00oh
38:02hi
38:04i have to take a moment
38:05i'll take a moment
38:06about it
38:07and the other day
38:08i can't do it
38:09and then i'll take a moment
38:10and i'll take a moment
38:11and i'll come back
38:13and i'll take a moment
40:46Off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off.
40:56Goodbye and good fuck.
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