- 2 days ago
Peter enlists his sarcastic one-legged friend Wiley to help conjure a myth based around the idea of giving. Seeing the chance to make a profit off the selflessness of others, the two caveman create a figure that develops into the first Santa Claus but are then baffled when the "myth" they've created apparently becomes real. Substituting gain for fulfillment, Peter and Wiley experience the true meaning of Christmas.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Music
00:09Music
00:13Music
00:26Oh, Jake, there's something wrong here.
00:44The morning star shouldn't be there.
00:49Hmm, just as I thought.
00:53Two and a half degrees off.
00:56Well, today is not what I think it is.
01:00I better check the calendar.
01:26Now, who did I give the calendar to?
01:34Maybe it was Clumsy Carr.
01:36Uh...
01:45Hey, uh, Clumsy.
01:51What are you, sir?
01:52I hate to bother you, Clumsy, but, uh, did I loan you my calendar?
01:58Uh, I don't think so.
02:00Uh, let me check.
02:03I don't see it down there.
02:07Could you use an eel?
02:08Maybe it was a fat broad.
02:16And that's who it was.
02:18Um...
02:28Um...
02:29Um, um, ma'am...
02:31Excuse me.
02:36Who is that?
02:38Uh, uh...
02:39What the heck do you want?
02:40It...
02:41It...
02:42It's me, uh, Thor.
02:43What are you doing?
02:44Waking me up at this hour?
02:45Well, I...
02:46I...
02:47I was...
02:48I was wondering if you could do me a favor, and...
02:49Yeah.
02:50Yeah, I can do you a favor.
02:52How'd you make all your teeth knocked down your throat?
02:54I...
02:55No, thanks.
02:57Um, see ya.
03:01Maybe it was the cute chick.
03:06Uh, sweetie.
03:10Honey lips.
03:15Hi, Thor.
03:17Oh, what a lovely way to wake up.
03:20Uh, what can I do for you?
03:23What can you do for me?
03:27Oh, yeah.
03:28A calendar.
03:30Right.
03:33And I leave my calendar with you by any chance.
03:37Nobody leaves anything here by chance.
03:40By golly, that's right, isn't it?
03:44Sorry to bother you.
03:46Bye.
03:47Bye, Thor.
03:49Curls.
03:51It's gotta be Curls.
03:53Curls, wake up.
03:55Huh? What?
03:56Could I trouble you for a minute?
03:58What time is it, anyway?
04:00I haven't the foggiest.
04:01Well, what do you want?
04:03I was just wondering if I left my calendar here.
04:06What do you want with a calendar?
04:08I need to know what day it is.
04:09You invented this sucker.
04:10You don't even have one.
04:11Look, I loaned it to someone, and I need to borrow it back to find out why the morning star is off two and a half degrees.
04:18This has gotta be a bad dream.
04:20I'm sorry to bother you.
04:22See you later.
04:23Make it a lot later.
04:26ABC, have you seen my...
04:28Nope.
04:30Peter, that's who it was, of course.
04:34How's the calendar working?
04:37Calendar?
04:38The one I gave you last year.
04:40I don't know.
04:41What day is it?
04:43Well, according to my calculations, it should be the 24th.
04:51You can stop whispering. I'm awake now.
05:00Planned obsolescence.
05:01Will you get out of here?
05:19Oh, what a lovely flower.
05:24For you, my love.
05:31You sweet thing, you.
05:45Wiley?
05:47Wiley?
05:48What is it?
05:49What are you whispering for?
05:50Never mind.
05:52I've just had the most unbelievable experience.
05:56That makes two of us.
05:57I'm serious, Wiley.
05:59It was incredible.
06:01I gave something to somebody.
06:04Now, that is incredible.
06:05Did you get it notarized?
06:07I can't explain it, Wiley.
06:08It was so... so...
06:10Hey, what's that on your cheek? A reward?
06:12That's it.
06:13It was rewarding.
06:15I never knew giving could be so rewarding.
06:18You know, that is a new side of you, Peter.
06:21Before, it was always take, take, take.
06:23But now, all of a sudden, it's...
06:24And you know what's most beautiful of all?
06:27There's a buck to be made here.
06:30So, what's wrong with making an honest buck?
06:35It ain't honest. It's a con.
06:37Don't call it a con, Ace.
06:38A ploy, maybe.
06:39A trick.
06:41Not even a trick, really.
06:42It's a revelation.
06:44Think about it.
06:45How many of our friends are aware that giving is better than getting?
06:50And there you are.
06:52We'll be doing them a favor.
06:53What's that?
06:54This?
06:55It's, uh, just a slab.
06:56I write poems on it.
06:57A slab.
06:59That's it.
07:00It's perfect.
07:01You and I are out digging for clams.
07:02And we unearth a slab.
07:03Unearth a...
07:04Unearth a...
07:05El Slabo.
07:06An ancient stone from another age.
07:07Just jam-packed full of hieroglyphics.
07:08Hieroglyphics, man.
07:09A slab full of scribblings and scratchings that, through diligence and perseverance, we've managed
07:11to decipher.
07:12Ah, this whole thing is stupid.
07:13I want out.
07:14We'll be rich.
07:15I'm back in.
07:16Eh, did you know that?
07:17It's a little bit of a stone.
07:18What could you do, Tom?
07:19Well, this is a little bit of a stone.
07:20That's it.
07:21It's perfect.
07:22It's perfect.
07:23You and I are out digging for clams, and we unearth a slab.
07:24Unearth a...
07:25El Slabo.
07:26An ancient stone from another age.
07:27Just jam-packed full of hieroglyphics.
07:28Hieroglyphics, man.
07:30A slab full of scribblings and scratchings that, through diligence and perseverance, we've managed
07:37to decipher.
07:38Ah, this whole thing is stupid.
07:39I want out.
07:40We'll be rich.
07:42Uh, what do you want me to do?
07:44Uh, first, we create a legend.
07:46Legend?
07:46You know, sort of a fairy tale about giving
07:49that has been perpetuated through the ages.
07:53Perpetu...
07:53Carried on.
07:55Wait.
07:57You mean we create our own fable,
07:59then convince them it's a legend they have to carry on?
08:03Exactly.
08:05Now, here's the plan.
08:07We create the myth,
08:08write it on the slab,
08:10and then tonight at the campfire,
08:12you spring it on them.
08:13With your command of the language,
08:16charisma, and eloquence,
08:17we can't miss.
08:19Now, stop that.
08:21Okay, what's the main thrust of this legend
08:24that we're gonna create here?
08:25Main thrust.
08:26The more you give, the richer you feel.
08:29And the more you feel, the richer we get.
08:32Beautiful.
08:33I'm cutting you in as a full partner.
08:36It's getting pretty late.
08:37Hey, we'll go to my cave.
08:38I have a slab there.
08:40Here's a thought for the legend.
08:45How about a fabled character
08:47that comes around once a year
08:49giving everybody gifts?
08:51He should have sanitary claws,
08:53you know, so as not to soil the gifts.
08:55Yeah, that's good.
08:56We'll call him Santa for short.
09:00That's a nice ring to it.
09:01I like it.
09:03Then to fulfill the legend,
09:05everybody gives gifts in his name
09:07to feel the joy of giving.
09:09That's beautiful.
09:10And we sell him the gifts
09:12and make a bundle.
09:13I love it.
09:15What kind of gifts do we sell them?
09:17Well, there's rocks.
09:19You mean diamonds?
09:20No, no, rocks, like stones.
09:21Oh, real granite rocks.
09:23Sure.
09:23Well, how about dirt?
09:24No, that would be too crass.
09:26How about trees?
09:27Do you ever try to gift wrap a tree?
09:30Oh, how about we make the tree a symbol?
09:32Hey, that's fantastic.
09:34A tree, a tree with a rock under it.
09:36We can sell them trees and rocks.
09:39And you know what I love about this scam?
09:41What's that?
09:41These poor clowns have to buy gifts
09:43and give them in the name of some character
09:45that doesn't even exist.
09:47And every year, in fact.
09:48That's right, every year.
09:51Every year, we sell X amount of gifts to the masses.
09:56We'll call it Xmas.
10:00Oh.
10:02I want you to know I had nothing to do with that.
10:05What do you want me to write on this slab?
10:07Oh, just a bunch of gibberish.
10:09Anything you like, really.
10:10We'll pretend we deciphered it.
10:13Say, how do you spell Scorblitch?
10:15What's Scorblitch?
10:16Well, it's a gibberish word, like you said.
10:18Now, cut that out.
10:21Okay.
10:21We need a mythical beast or something for the legend.
10:25I got it.
10:27How about a green pig for Santa?
10:29A green pig.
10:31What's wrong with a green pig?
10:32Well, that's for a doctor to decide.
10:34What?
10:35Joke.
10:35Oh, cute.
10:38Let's see now.
10:41I got it.
10:42How about, now picture this.
10:43We got this real green.
10:46No.
10:47How about pink?
10:49That's good.
10:49That's good.
10:50We got this real pink humanoid.
10:53Human.
10:54Person.
10:55With a big green nose and tusks with a bowler.
11:00What do you think?
11:01Well, I think I'm going to be sick.
11:03Oh, wait.
11:04Wait, wait, wait.
11:04Now, how about this?
11:06You think that's funny?
11:22Watch this.
11:23Hey.
11:25You think that's funny?
11:26You think that's funny?
11:27You think that's funny?
11:28You think that's funny?
11:28You think that's funny?
11:29You think that's funny?
11:30You think that's funny?
11:30You think that's funny?
11:31You think that's funny?
11:32You think that's funny?
11:33You think that's funny?
11:34You think that's funny?
11:35You think that's funny?
11:36You think that's funny?
11:37You think that's funny?
11:38You think that's funny?
11:39You think that's funny?
11:40You think that's funny?
11:41You think that's funny?
11:42You think that's funny?
11:43You think that's funny?
11:44You think that's funny?
11:45You think that's funny?
11:46You think that's funny?
11:47You think that's funny?
11:48You think that's funny?
11:49You think that's funny?
11:50what do you think he's perfect he's chubby right jolly old elf there's not much on his feet though
12:10how about a wheel can't you see him tooling around on a wheel tossing gifts fither and yon yeah no
12:18no not really well with the snow and all huh hey how about it did you see that i saw it i saw it get hold
12:35of yourself pete how's this never mind you know we've created a very special being here and not a
12:43buffoon and not a god and he should rank with his believers you know somewhere between man and
12:49angel believable enough to reject and unbelievable enough to accept i'm gonna pretend i didn't hear
12:56that santa must be presented in a manner deserving of star status you're absolutely right we'll give
13:03him a limo with steel belted radials no need to go that far something simple and classy
13:09something befitting the season like a sleigh ah pulled through the heavens by giant clydesdales
13:15with gossamer wings not bad how about reindeer reindeer are beautiful but they can't fly
13:21did you ever see one i saw a drawing of one on a cave wall once well then how do you know they can't
13:26fly well i don't but what the heck if they buy the fat dude in the red suit they gotta go for the
13:33flying reindeer reindeer it is the myth is complete the santa is born
13:38what does he look like well according to the sacred tablet here he's dressed all in red from his toes
13:50to his head with a beard of pure white that can light up the night and a droll little smile and a
13:57little round belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly and that dear friends is the
14:04legend of xmas as peter and i found and deciphered it have a wait what's this there's something else here
14:13it is the fervent wish of your forefathers that you uphold the foregoing myth
14:24that future generations may know and feel the blessed spirit of giving
14:32gee it's all so beautiful well uh i move that we declare the day after tomorrow
14:42december the 26th the grandest holiday of them all i second the motion all in favor say aye
14:48aye
14:49that makes it unanimous okay gang the 26th it is
15:08in anticipation of your receptive attitude wiley and i have taken the liberty of lightening your
15:15burdens by providing gifts and trees which will be available for purchase the first thing in the
15:20morning and remember all gifts will be labeled from santa in keeping with the unselfish spirit of giving
15:27are there any questions let's go dream of sugar plums by golly those guys are all right in my book
15:36mine too i never knew they were translators me neither what language was that anyway
15:43i don't know sounded like a lot of gibberish to me gibberish that's what it was a horse load of
15:51gibberish i thought it was beautiful beautiful that's what it was beautiful gosh x-mas what a lovely term
16:07uh i can't help it peter i feel cheap cheap did you see the joy in their faces the sparkle in their eyes
16:18oh sure we'll make a bundle sure it's a big con but think of the happiness and the excitement we've
16:25given them gee you know i never thought of it like that what's wrong uh nothing just a little chill
16:33what do you got sleigh belts in your shorts no it's getting late let's get to work we got trees
16:42to cut rocks to wrap say what do these people expect to select special gifts for one another
16:48that's just tough they're gonna get rocks you're all hard
16:53we've been duped that's what we've been imagine me of all people giving gifts to men
17:06especially under the guise of a fat guy in a red suit so what's wrong with fat guys
17:14what do you think maude would you like to exchange gifts this year what for jake i've got you and
17:23you've got me yes let's exchange gifts
17:29noisy little suckers aren't they
17:53merry christmas
17:57this could be the most significant moment of our lives
18:18the giving of gifts for curls i could buy a book on esp and and and and for wiley i could buy him a new
18:30hmm
18:40i'm all set up here how's it going
18:58i'm on the last train
19:00now she blows
19:03oh no
19:05how we doing partner fine no thanks to you
19:18the last tree
19:20well it's almost dawn we better grab a little shut eye
19:27how do you feel i'm bushed
19:29oh
19:30one
19:30sorry old buddy i couldn't resist
19:32see you at dawn
19:34sleep well my friend
19:35merry christmas clumsy
19:41gosh
19:45a snorkel outfit
19:47santa
19:48jackpot
19:56jackpot
19:57hi partner
20:03be serious you twit you're already late i bet you haven't even worked on your sales pitch
20:09hey a bit testy today aren't you
20:11well not really it's just that
20:13it's not a myth it's not a myth at all
20:19santa is real
20:21dig that nifty snorkel i got it was hanging on this little bitty tree
20:26he's right look look what i got
20:30sorry guys i guess the newness isn't worn off yet speaking of newness how do you like the neat pink booties
20:46not to mention my beautiful new necklace
20:50or my nifty tidalink set
20:53by the way peter what did you get
20:57oh you you mean what did i get
21:00well i got a pair of beautiful red mittens
21:07how about you wiley
21:08me
21:09oh uh i uh
21:11i got a red sock
21:14let's all go to my cave and celebrate
21:16it's a day early but uh
21:19what the heck
21:20yeah let's go
21:21yeah come on let's go
21:22are you ready
21:24all right
21:24come on let's go
21:27where did uh they
21:34get
21:35i i can't imagine
21:37well this has been another one of your fine ideas
21:40i don't understand it
21:46we created a myth
21:49and it came
21:50peter
21:59hi wiley
22:00what brings you here
22:01a limp
22:02will you cut that out
22:03i went back to my cave
22:05what for
22:05i'm not sure
22:06but there was this little tree
22:08with these little candles
22:09what's wrong
22:11there's a tree here too
22:13hey let me see that
22:17a stump sock
22:19hey it's a
22:20it's a stump sock
22:22here hold these
22:23where did you get these
22:24they're on my tree
22:26a stump sock
22:27i feel warm all over
22:29i'm glad wiley
22:30you keep those
22:31and i'll keep the stump sock
22:33okay
22:33okay
22:34you know
22:36i always
22:37wanted a pair of
22:39red
22:39red
22:40mittens
22:41the old rascal
22:43really crossed us up
22:44didn't he
22:45rascal
22:46santa
22:47well let's say
22:49he
22:49straightened us out
22:51we all make mistakes
22:53we sure do
22:54see you in the morning
22:56partner
22:56we'll make some more
22:58good night wiley
22:59peter
23:02yes wiley
23:03uh
23:04merry christmas
23:07merry christmas to you
23:09wiley
23:09merry christmas
23:11a
23:20merry christmas
23:22a
23:22merry christmas
23:24vêem
23:26a
23:28merry christmas
23:30ho
23:30a
23:31merry christmas
23:31a
23:31a
23:32a
23:33i
23:33a
23:34a
23:34a
23:34a
23:35a
23:35a
23:35a
23:36a
23:37ooh
23:37a
23:39a