- 2 days ago
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00:00of chaos and despair look who's in a cheery mood some bookstore must have
00:07closed and turned in a nude dispensary huh I went to an estate sale this lady
00:13had the coolest stuff and after I eliminated everything she could have
00:16died in on or under I bought this actually looks like a knockoff of a Frank
00:24Matringa the very famous California Potter but I'm sure the only Potter you
00:28know is hairy business has been great so I thought I'd treat myself and I haven't
00:35bought any art since I got that poster of a cat reading the newspaper on the
00:38toilet that I hung above the toilet hey you know where that would fit is up in my
00:46guest room you mean my room I do like it it just doesn't fit the aesthetic here
00:53I've got going on it I'll put it like a millennial I don't like the vibe bro
00:58what about my vibe dude God forbid I should have one thing in this house oh
01:05wow you got two things Georgia and that other one of a Carlson hey guys this is Carlos
01:14Joaquin de la Mancha Kobe Bryant Martinez but you can call him Charlie oh he's so cute and tiny
01:21kind of makes me want to have another no we're hiding behind that little white rat
01:28really's family need someone to dog sit while they're in San Diego for a funeral not for something
01:35fun actually we are going to SeaWorld after the funeral and Legoland it it's not important well then we
01:43could watch Charlie if that's okay of course how about asking the homeowner please grandpa he's adorbs
01:50who's gonna boost my tick tock your retention who's gonna stay in a kennel all weekend you are
01:57he's here Charlie let's get you into hair and makeup for our first video why is he wearing a
02:19vest is he parking cars now no he's an emotional support animal what emotions does he support the
02:27only ones I feel are shame and embarrassment ignore him the only emotional support animal he
02:33believes in a slow-cooked pork why are you being such a pain you like dogs I love dogs but I like
02:40full-size regular dogs Labradors Rottweilers that thing looks like Colonel Sanders made it with a
02:46labubu is that all this stuff yeah these are Charlie's treats which aren't as good as they look
02:57look if they didn't want me to eat them shouldn't have made them look like little sausages oh and
03:09here's his anti-anxiety meds Riley what I'm not stealing pills from a dog the dosage is way too low
03:18oh and here's his food Billy has them on a strict meat-free diet the dog is a vegan and what else is
03:26in there cashew lasagna and a fear of effort Carter put it down
03:31what I want healthy bones and a shiny coat shoot me yeah this is gonna be a badass caddy you want
03:46you to do is get your schematics here and listen where you want to go with this yeah boss I'll
03:50get you on Saturday all right cool get a little hair in here oh damn with that dog one day I've got
03:56hair all over me give me a minute you know I used to date a woman that was into that man she used to
04:04dress me up like a Philly fanatic man that woman was crazy I should call him you know am I back there
04:14can you grab that feel like I need consent before I venture into the badonkadonk just keep rolling
04:23before I kick you in the badonkadonk get that junk off that dirty trunk you guys really need
04:31an HR department we don't need an HR department we like being mean to each other around here hey
04:37babe you forgot your toothbrush last night I didn't forget it I thought maybe I could keep it at your
04:43place since I'm spending so much time there you guys are getting serious I never even used to let
04:49women know where I live my motto go find the freaky don't let the freaky find you well we can't go to
04:56my place I've got three roommates and we're all dancers so there's always one girl in the shower
05:01and another wrapped in a towel banging on the door you know what let me help you out how about you moving
05:13with Gabe and I'm moving with them you moving in does kind of make sense really yeah they're like
05:21every night and you already moved in your toothbrush are you asking me to move in with you stitch started
05:29it yeah why not not the most romantic thing I've ever heard but sure why not whoa this is so exciting
05:42all right I'm gonna go break the news to my roommates right the neck at once
05:50you know you got no nuts that's empty calories in his defense is like an old sea captain scratching
06:10a leg that hasn't been there for years hey pops he sent a picture from a tour want to see no your
06:18phones anything like your laptop I definitely don't want to see what's on there all right but I'm
06:24here when you're ready to heal bro cha-cha must be hard hearing about Eve having all these incredible
06:33adventures no I'm having my own adventure here looking at Gabe's punch list for that Cadillac and
06:38he keeps putting a dancing girl emoji on here hey hey hey hey you just sent Gabe an eggplant emoji
06:49take the dog okay you need the dog out of here oh really I can't have a vase I can't have a dog
06:55I can't shout out the answers during Wheel of Fortune you already saw that episode it's the same
07:03thing over and over it's your house your rules your guest room I have to share with your globe where
07:08you've blacked out all the countries that are communist don't I get any say it was bad enough
07:14when I was a teenager but now I'm a mom and I run my own business and I'm a homeowner once you get
07:18yourself your own home you know what I will well good luck with that I'm sick of not feeling welcome
07:24on what I thought was my own home what you thought was wrong okay that's it consider this by notice we
07:30are moving out and for your information California is not a communist country just give it time oh
07:39Gabe just sent me a heart emoji you started sending these finish it off hey do you guys know any
07:55apartments that are cheap but nice because the place I'm living in is free but mean well you know
08:00my neighbor's almost a hundred I could startle him tell him I'm dating his granddaughter why would you
08:07want to move out you get to live with Matt Parker you should see what he texted me yesterday I need my
08:14own space but apartments are so expensive completely unrelated these lattes are now $200 and don't forget
08:23to tip it's not gonna work you know why because I don't think you're that cute you're just an odd
08:32looking dog that's all those all right all right all right all right all right all right all right okay
08:42gosh come in here you know the people that really like you they're gone maybe for the weekend probably
08:51gone forever yeah that's what Eve did to me gone forever
08:55they're not gone forever look don't tell anybody I did that I'll make you watch those Sarah McLachlan
09:12commercials yeah yeah pretty spooky right all right a little cozy but cute what do you guys think
09:25smells kind of weird and that's from the guy who's single-handedly keeping pull my finger alive
09:31nice huh but it's a competitive market you need to act fast look she might fall for your manufactured
09:41scarcity trick but we both know the market is softening
09:44pardon my daughter she's getting her MBA from the University of Shark Tank why don't you guys go
09:52check out the bedrooms remember I need the bigger bedroom for my crypto mining farm sorry no home
09:57businesses it's not a business it's a lifestyle ignore her we're not high rollers you didn't tell
10:06us we'd all have to share a bathroom yeah it's not gonna work for me I need my tub time is that what
10:13you're calling it I'll let you three discuss mom we don't want to live here we love living at
10:22grandpa's yeah his house is like a fancy hotel every room there's a TV and a Bible and he stole from a
10:30fancy hotel we're living under his thumb don't you hate being bossed around by an unforgiving tyrant
10:37I mean George has been around most my life so when we lived in Vegas we almost never saw grandma and
10:45grandpa now grandma's gone the way pops eats red meat clocks a ticking okay fine but don't worry
10:55grandpa's gonna be here a long time that's how evil works all right how about that oh like bacon huh
11:05that's good fat well not according to Riley if she was here she'd say bad fat bad fat good fat I mean
11:13the country's divided now fat's got to make a choice yeah you know what actually kind of like
11:21you you know gotta say that check just two dudes watch a little college basketball it could be better
11:28man we don't need a woman telling us what to do today do we you know I did like Eve though a lot
11:33she's different opposites attract sometimes it's like bacon and lettuce I don't understand why
11:39lettuce went to Korea when bacon said I love you that seems like I like her a lot though should I
11:45text her yeah why would I text her she's on the left right hey hey where's your mom oh she dropped
11:55this off she's going to meditate it's the name of that new dispensary that used to be a bookstore
11:59what are you doing Charlie's not allowed to have bacon you know what I think that's really a Saint
12:07Bernard trapped in a body that didn't get enough protein he said he has a severe allergy probably
12:13why he threw up so much today but I thought it was a chorizo it's too spicy for a dog gave him chorizo
12:20too quite a bit of it we gotta take him to the vet pops I know I'm new to dating but if I kill
12:27Lily's dog I'm never getting to first base trust me that dog is eating a lot worse things than what
12:33I gave it that's more than that dog weighs okay maybe we should take the dog to the vet
12:40Riley what are you doing here how to get away from my dad before one of us murders the other in
12:54their sleep me I'm the murderer also I brought a housewarming gift for you anomaly you this is so
13:07thoughtful where should I put it um how about here I was the apartment hunting doing terrible turns out
13:18it's tough to beat free at my dad's place yeah and if you didn't find another place for free you'd
13:23probably have to call that guy daddy too what are you doing I'm just getting rid of some of my stuff
13:30to make room for Amelie's stuff because you can't make room with a partner without making room for a
13:35partner I listen to a podcast wow big stuff good for you is it though I just you know don't really
13:44want to get rid of my stuff having second thoughts about living together oh getting cold feet they're
13:51so cold I can't feel them it happens to everybody I got cold feet right before I married that stupid
13:57son-of-a-bitch Jimmy but you and Amelie are gonna be great they're getting colder they're ice okay this
14:07could be good for you it's therapeutic to do a little spring cleaning get rid of stuff that doesn't
14:11bring you joy good news babe oh hey Riley I found some amazing accent pillows oh great maybe you could use
14:22them to smother my joy what I've been talking to Riley I realize I'll make it a big mistake I can't do this
14:35what did you say to him I didn't say anything I love an accent pillow especially if it's an
14:46Australian accent what's the end for he had a panic attack maybe because you're making him wear a bowtie
15:08and it looks like a dancer at a bachelorette strip party he's dressed for his birthday and now you've ruined it
15:20hey how was house hunting today uh the places weren't great but at least they were out of our price range
15:27we told mom we don't want to move I just don't think at this age I meant to live an uncomfortable life
15:34we love your place all the bathrooms have locks
15:39get the idea your mom was miserable mostly because she told me I was making her miserable
15:45she doesn't mean it in Vegas we were always moving from place to place she hated it remember that time
15:52we lived at circus circus it was awful awful well no it wasn't that elvis impersonator taught me long
16:00division divided by two care the honka honka burning wine
16:04I think mom just wants a place that she can call her out
16:12she never told me any of this
16:15oh look charlie is fine you can take him home big stock you're up and a young boy become a man
16:21how much you charge a nude or a kid
16:23listen uh dogs okay though 100 excellent gave him a very thorough exam top to bottom inside and out
16:35what's going on why is he having second thoughts he's just freaking out about getting rid of his
16:40stuff it happened to my grandmother of course she was a hoarder and i was throwing away a 14 year old can
16:45of peaches what is with him i don't understand why he's hanging on to his junk don't all men like
16:51to hang on to their junk the thing is it's not actually junk to gabe did he ever tell you about
16:58his childhood no he never talks about that stuff well it was pretty crappy not a lot of great memories
17:05this stuff reminds him of the good times like uh this plastic cup my dad took gabe and my brother
17:11to this game the night gabe's dad left and then uh gabe's dad blew him off on his birthday so he
17:17surprised him with a trip to medieval times and after i told the green knight gabe had stage four
17:22eczema so he let him pet his horse i had no idea now i feel bad that i was pressuring gabe to get rid
17:30of his stuff well maybe you should tell him that hi i wasn't eavesdropping so i accept your apology
17:40just so you know you can talk to me about anything even your childhood i know it's just
17:47it's hard for me to talk about things that make me sad it's like when mcdonald's was serving
17:51breakfast all day and then they just stopped yeah with zero warning continue
18:00it's gonna work out babe we're gonna be so happy here
18:07okay
18:10i should go uh with this and i think i'll treat myself to the director's cut of encino man
18:21ah what a life i lead
18:23look at the tail on that thing
18:31you're watching turner and hooch yeah
18:35the dog is a good actor right now tom hanks i don't know
18:41i know it just said that
18:42by the way don't worry about the vase it's going back in my room sorry your guest room
18:49how about just put it on our credenza wait did you say our well as my buddy carlos joaquin
18:57dollar venture kobe bryant martinez says mi casa is su casa
19:04thanks dad there's a little caveat though adios mio
19:09listen let's have you start paying me rent but we'll put that into a savings account and pretty
19:13soon you'll have down payment get your own house
19:17thanks dad although by then this will be my home and your home will be well a home
19:26okay but do we have a deal this is our house with our rules deal
19:33speaking of i was thinking we could get solar panels no no
19:36this is a house it's not some hippie commune in the people's republic of portland exactly
19:48here you go first rent check feels good to be independent oh you really want to feel independent
19:55i could take off the family phone plan easy tiger that check isn't cleared yet
20:06why are you putting that there it looks better here i'm sorry what'd you say charlie
20:11exactly i agree you said it doesn't fit there what happened to our house our rules it's just too
20:17big for the space you gave birth to carter you get it oh carter your girlfriend's here oh we're
20:27not using traditional labels we're going with boo and bae boo bae i missed you
20:36you saw that thanks for taking care of charlie well of course we'll miss him
20:47did you want to say goodbye dad sure one more belly rub come here boy come over here
20:52you really are man's best friend
21:05you
21:13you
21:13you
21:22you
21:23you
21:25you
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