Hello everyone,

At the beginning of this year, I made my first journal about my mental health. I said I could remove it after some time, but in the end I've kept it. Today, a year after my meltdown (it was the 2nd September), I wanted to make another journal just to quickly said how things changed.

I am still fighting depression, but given I have medicine, and access to a therapist and a psychiatrist, things are definitively getting better. I do have some downtimes of course and some dark thoughts, but less often, shorter and less intense than before. Likewise, I'm 95 % functional at work and in my daily life. I am very happy to have a flat that fits my needs, and my family and friends (some you may see in the comments here) have really been lifesavers! Thank you, everyone who helped me.

Things have of course changed a bit in my life. I still have to try to get back to biking seriously (my physical health is not that good, I have some weight to lose, some digestive problems and generally low blood pressure) and I tend to work less than during my PhD, but I manage things very well and people seem happy on how things go. For instance, I was officially titularised earlier this month, meaning I have my associate professor job for life! I also discovered some very nice hobbies, like I love to care of my garden and once a new shed is installed, I hope to make an aromatic herb garden!

I feel very lucky to have survived all of that, and I try my best to be kind to everyone and to help people in need. That's difficult because I cannot help everyone (I can't be everywhere, and I'm not a millionaire), but I try to be a good soul to my friends and family. I feel bad because I have lost some friends recently due to emotional burst, my own stupidity and miscommunication. While I know one of them I will never repair the damage, the other one I hope I can be friend with her again at some point.

I know some things could be improved. My family wish I would get outside more often to participate in clubs/activities to meet people. I think they want me to have friends in the place I am right now (while I have some friends IRL in other cities and a lot online) and dream about me finding a gf. So far I'm not really interested in the former, and about the latter I'm not really convinced it's a good idea: I'm asexual, and I'm not interested in sex at all. Plus, I live quite well on my own (and I may be a bad roommate). So I don't know if I will stay single all my life or not, but I'm actually very fine with it!

In any case, thank you very much for reading this, and I hope this journal can reassure you on my well-being! Things are definitively looking brighter, and I survived one year (and more to go, likely). Until you see me again when I post new artworks of Lölla or Ella, I wish you to have a lot of tea, hyenas, and love! Take care.