How to Ask for a Raise Without Burning Bridges

"We will pay you $75K this year and $110K next year.” I’ve helped candidates negotiate six-figure salaries, remote flexibility, and better perks. Even when employers initially resisted. Well... negotiations often hit a standstill when both sides are holding firm. The employer won’t budge, and the employee doesn’t want to compromise. So how do you move forward without losing what matters most? 1️⃣ Understand their WHY. Your employer isn’t just being difficult. They have reasons, maybe budget constraints, company culture, and managerial oversight. If they insist on in-office work, maybe they’re worried about productivity. If they push back on salary, maybe they’re balancing multiple hires. 2️⃣ Reframe the discussion. Instead of saying, "I can only do remote", say "I’ll provide daily Loom updates to showcase my work and keep communication transparent." This way, they don’t feel like they’re losing control. They’re gaining certainty. 3️⃣ Propose a step-up structure. If they claim they can’t meet your salary, introduce a phased increase: "What if we start at $75K now, with a structured raise to $110K next year based on performance?" Now, you’re giving them flexibility while ensuring you get the pay you deserve. 4️⃣ Negotiate beyond salary. If they won’t budge on pay, shift the focus. More vacation? Training budget? Performance-based bonuses? There are multiple levers to pull. The goal isn’t to win. It’s to walk away happy. No one gets 100% of what they want, But the best negotiators ensure both sides leave with a deal that feels fair. If your negotiation is stuck, shift from demands to solutions. That’s how you break the deadlock.

I've helped two mid-career professionals each get raises of $300,000 to $500,000 from "frugal" Amazon. It turns out that 70% of people who ask for a raise get something, but also that most people never ask. Here is how to ask for and get your raise. One individual was a senior manager (L7) and had an external offer from Meta. The other was also L7, but was a Principal Engineer. He did not have an offer, but he was ready to start looking (no bluffing) if he couldn't get paid what he was worth on the market. "On the market" is the key. To get giant raises, you have to have the data to know what you are worth. Luckily, there are a couple of ways to get it. The first is Salary.com, which has enough data points for larger companies to figure this out. The second is to talk to peers in that position. If you talk to several people and tell them what *you* make, most of them are at least willing to say either "gosh, that's great" (which means you make more than they do) or "ohh, I think you can do better" (which means they make more). You also need to be a strong performer, ideally regarded as a star. Companies are willing to go out of their way to keep their stars. As a VP, I was either directly asked for raises or brought in to approve / deny raise requests all the time. Here is what a manager thinks when you ask for a raise: 1) "Oh damn. I have to deal with this and it will be a pain." Either the manager has to tell you no (awkward and you might quit) or the manager has to fill out forms and bring them to me and to human resources for approval (a pain). 2) "Is this person worth the pain? Do I prefer they just leave or do I need to keep them? Am I willing to fight for them?" You need the answer to this to be they feel you will be a big loss and they want to fight for you. 3) "Alright, let me think about what kind of case I can make for them..." Managers will try to feel out if you just are just greedy and hoping for a raise or if you really are upset enough to leave. You need to give them a plausible reason that doesn't feel like you are greedy or "just in it for the money." "Manager, I love working for you and Acme, inc. on our projects, but I've learned that my market rate is $$$ and I'm starting to feel really foolish for not being paid my value. As you know I have {college debt, three kids who need to go to college, elderly parents to care for... whatever} and I really need to do the right thing for my family." This formulation indicates that you like the manager and want to stay, conveying that "we're on the same team, not against each other - I'm not demanding a raise, I'm asking for your help to be treated fairly." Everyone can empathize with feeling foolish and wanting to avoid that. And no one will tell you that you shouldn't take care of your family. I'm at the character limit for a LinkedIn post. More in my fist comment. I also built a course with all the deep details: https://buff.ly/3SICtnK

Another day, another conversation with an underpaid woman who wants advice about negotiating her salary. Each conversation is different, but there are two recommendations I always emphasize. First, you are a detective, not a magician. Approach the conversation with curiosity to understand how the other person sees the situation. At the end of the day, you can't make a person pay you more if they don't want to. What you CAN do is figure out WHY they are resisting and see if you can remove the barrier. For example, if you get clues that the person doesn't think your performance warrants more money, you can work to change that perception - perhaps by talking about your wins more broadly or asking others to do that for you. If you sense that the person thinks you're already paid at market, then you might need internal or external market data (perhaps from a competitor). Second, if the conversation ends with a "no" or "let me look into it," you should ask one or both of these questions before you leave the meeting: 1. What would it take for this no to become a yes? This forces the person to verbalize the barriers, and gives you information you can use to get a different answer in the future. 2. When should I follow up with you about this? You want the next move to be in your control. You don't want to sit around for six months wondering if the person is actually looking into your situation, waking up each day hoping that today is the day they get back to you. The waiting will feel much better if you know that you have permission to reach out again at a certain date. If you needed this advice today, I'm sorry. But I am here cheering you on, reminding you that you are worth more. And no matter what happens in the conversation, you will be glad you had it. You got this! #bestadvice #careers #money