Ways to Ask for Referrals Without Being Awkward

In my early career, I thought networking was all about building as many connections as possible. But I quickly learned that effective networking isn't about the quantity of your connections—it's about the quality. Throughout my career, the connections that have truly made a difference weren’t the ones where I just asked for help—they were the ones where I made it easy for others to want to help me. If you want to make others genuinely want to help you, it’s crucial to move beyond simply asking for favors. Instead, focus on creating value and building relationships where both parties benefit. So, how can you do the same? Here are four tactical tips to help you network effectively: ✅ Do Your Homework Before reaching out, research the person or company you’re interested in. Understand their work, challenges, and how you can add value. For instance, instead of asking a connection for job leads, do your own research first. Identify specific roles and companies you’re targeting, and then ask if they can help with an introduction. This approach shows initiative and respect for their time. ✅ Be Specific in Your Ask Whether you’re asking for an introduction, advice, or a referral, be clear and concise about what you need. For example, instead of asking, “Do you know anyone hiring?” say, “I noticed [Company Name] is looking for a [Role]. Would you be open to introducing me to [Person]? I’m happy to send you my resume and a brief write-up you can pass along, too.” This shows that you’ve taken the initiative and makes it easier for your contact to say yes. ✅ Offer Mutual Value When requesting a meeting or advice, frame it as a two-way conversation. Instead of saying, “Can I pick your brain?” try something like, “I’d love to exchange ideas on [specific topic] and share some strategies that have worked for me.” This not only makes your request more compelling but also positions you as someone who brings value to the table. ✅ Follow Up with Gratitude After someone has helped you, don’t just say thank you and disappear. Keep them in the loop on how their help made an impact. Whether you got the job, secured the meeting, or just had a great conversation, let them know. This closes the loop and makes them more inclined to help you in the future. Your network is one of your greatest assets—nurture it well, and it will be there for you when you need it most. What’s one networking tip that’s helped you build stronger connections? *** 📧 Want more tips like these? Join Career Bites - free weekly bite-sized tips to supercharge your career in 3 minutes or less: lorraineklee.com/subscribe 📖 You can also get behind-the-scenes stories, updates, and special gifts for my upcoming book Unforgettable Presence: lorraineklee.com/book

Here’s how I got 10+ job referrals (And how you can too.) Most cold DMs fail because we do one of two things: ❌ Write a full-page life story that gets ignored ❌ Send generic spam with zero personalization I’ve been there. I used to send 100+ messages and hear nothing back. Then I changed my approach. Here's the exact message that worked "Hey [Name], Great to connect with you! I came across [Company]’s opening for a [Job Title/Job ID] role and noticed the emphasis on [specific skill/responsibility from the JD], which really caught my attention. Over the past [X years], I’ve: • [Accomplishment with impact tied to that skill] • [Another metric-driven win that aligns with the role] I’m actively exploring opportunities where I can bring this experience to the table, and [Company] seems like a perfect fit. If you’re open to it, I’d truly appreciate a referral, or even just pointing me to the right person I could speak with." 💡 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬: • Mentions something specific (not a generic mass DM) • Gives a quick context of what you do • Keeps the tone warm, not desperate • Makes it easy to reply or pass along ✨ 𝐏𝐫𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐩: If you’re not sending cold messages, you’re leaving opportunities on the table. Start today! Make sure to personalize it to stand out from the crowd:) 📌 Save this. And send it to 3 recruiters today. 𝐏.𝐒. I share job search tips, referral strategies, and data career insights in my free newsletter. Join 12K+ readers here → https://lnkd.in/dUfe4Ac6

The proper way to ask for referrals is the way where you do 95% of the work for the person you're asking to go to bat for you. Here's an example - with scripting - that's worked for me since the Nixon administration: Step 1 - Ask for permission: "Hey Keith! Noticed on the ol' LinkedIn that you were connected to Dan Wardle over at Noibu. Do you happen to know him well? Taking a look at his company, I'm confident we'd be able to add as much value to his team as we have been to Bullhorn over the past few years. If I wrote a separate email that includes a bit of context as to why I'd like to meet him, would you feel comfortable forwarding it along to him and seeing if he's open to an introduction? That way, if he's not interested, he can decline to take the intro, and you haven't really used any social capital on your end. All you did is forward along something from me. 🙂 What do you think?" Once Keith agrees to make himself useful, comes the next step... Step 2 - Writing a forwardable "opt-in" email: SUB: Intro to Dan at Noibu? "Hey Keith - how'd the month end up for your team? Noticed you're connected to Dan on LinkedIn - do you happen to know him well enough to feel comfortable making an introduction? I saw they added some BDRs and AEs to the team over the past few months. Given how much your GTM team has been engaged with and loved Sales Assembly over the past few years, I was hoping he'd be interested exploring how we could possibly be supportive to him and his team as well! If he's not interested in that, I'd still invite him to join our monthly Executive Revenue Leader Peer Group, so that he can jam with a room full of 30-50 of his VP and C-level peers every month.  We'd love to have him there as our guest. If you don't know him that well or just aren't comfortable, all good. Just figured I'd float this by you. Thanks!" What happens next? Keith forwards that to Dan. Now, is it possible that when he forwards that to Dan, he simply says "See below - interested?" Sure, I guess so. What's more likely? He forwards that to Dan and says: "Hey Dan, see below. Not sure if you've heard of Sales Assembly, but they've been an amazing partner to us at Bullhorn over the past few years. No obligation to take the intro, of course, but I think at the very least it would be worth connecting with Matt." Back to the original point about doing 95% of the work for your advocate, what did I ask Keith to do? Nothing. Just click forward on an email. I didn't ask him who he knows that might be interested. I did the work for him. I didn't ask him to look through his connections. I did the work for him. I didn't even ask him to endorse us. I just presumed he would anyway. And they usually do. This works when you're trying to meet prospects. This works when you're trying to get a new job. Do 95% of the work. Ask your advocates to simply slick FWD. Make it easy for people to refer you, and they'll refer you.

"How to ask for a referral without feeling awkward?" I got this question last week from one of my clients. When I first started networking, I struggled with the idea of asking people for referrals or even asking for an interview. It felt uncomfortable like I was taking something from them. But one of my mentors shifted my perspective completely. He told me: 1) Practice until it feels natural The awkwardness often comes from inexperience. Just like with anything else, the more you do it, the less strange it feels. You’ll build confidence through repetition. 2) Make sure it’s a genuine fit My mentor emphasized that if you honestly believe you can help the other person, or in a job search, if you truly think the role is a good match—you owe it to them (and yourself) to make the ask. However, if you’re not right for the role, product, or situation, be upfront about it. Saying “no” when it isn’t a good fit keeps things ethical and maintains integrity. Remember, you’re evaluating the opportunity just as much as the other person or company is evaluating you. Aim for a true win-win. That mindset removes the “taking” feeling and reminds you this is a partnership. And if you're unsure where you add value, start by asking more often. Over time, you’ll recognize the situations in which you can genuinely help—making it much more comfortable to ask for referrals. By focusing on genuine alignment and being willing to say “no” when it’s not right, you’ll find that asking for referrals doesn’t have to feel awkward. In fact, it can become one of your most rewarding — and ethical — ways to grow and connect.