What would happen if a celestial event unlocked your latent extraordinary abilities, what would you do with them?
When December 21st came around I like many others were gifted with abilities that we had only joked about until that point. The day started with pandemonium as people began to demonstrate extraordinary abilities. I wouldn’t characterize my gifts in this way but we’ll get to that in a little bit.
The world was turned on its head in a flurry of magnitudes that will be felt for centuries. Some people immediately took to caring for themselves, taking what they wanted from banks, Apple stores and whichever places sold Birkins. The retail inventory of Gucci and other luxury brands did not survive past the first few hours of the day. There was a young couple with gifts of flight and super speed who had an affinity for Louis Vuitton. They quickly became the first viral super-powered duo showing off their abilities looking like LV sponsored power rangers.
Others were more targeted, using their newly acquired skills to topple oppressive systems all over the globe. Some destroyed penitentiaries, while others literally upended entire homes from wealthy white neighborhoods and tossed them into the ocean. Police departments fared the worst. Especially the stations from recent memory involved in high profile murder cases of unarmed black people. They was effectively wiped from existence. But not without a fight.
There was no day clearer than on the 21st of the differing perspectives within our community. A few groups of gifted negroes stood tall ready to defend law enforcement from the forces of blackness. But humility came quick when the bayou boys showed up with an army of gators at their side along with the girls and their indestructible knees and mesmerizing choreography. It was simply too overwhelming for the black and blues.
Personally I was here for it all. The destruction, the reparations, the finally giving the world something to be afraid of since they wanted to be scary around us all the time. But more importantly I was here for the shenanigans. I was part of the gifted group doing stupid shit for fun, but that’s when things went left.
“Yo so where are we going bro?” Damietta asked me from the passenger seat as I continued down the 101 heading towards Pasadena.
“We’re going to see my boy.” I responded, trying not to laugh from the scheme I had spawned only an hour ago.
“Yeah but why?” Damietta continued, she was having so much fun around Oxnard conjuring illusions that either terrified or excited, when I asked her to join me.
She was the only one of my friends who got gifts. Apparently only a few people had their DNA unlocked by the great conjunction. Somewhere in the afternoon sky there was a tiny speck of light that was Jupiter and Saturn in alignment.
Once Damietta, Dami for short, discovered what she could do she went over to her ex’s and for an hour or two and made him believe he was in a spider pit and every spider had her face but that wasn’t all. For Dami’s grand finale she took a page out of the game of thrones book and emasculated him like Theon Greyjoy, repeatedly. Now Dami is my girl and that guy was trash but after I heard the story I felt a deep and immediate compassion for him but made sure I didn’t show it.
“Chill, just know it’ll be hella funny.” I say, looking over at her with a grin.
“Okay but look I’m not trying to be caught up in this all day.” She started, skin the color of oak never betraying an emotion until she was ready to show it. “Apparently we only have these gifts for thirty-six hours and there’s a few things I can do to get my moms straight y’know?”
“Yeah nah I feel you. I promise we won’t be here long.” I reassured her.
Dami was lucky. She had a gift she could use without hurting anyone to get what she wants. Well without hurting anyone physically. I had the dumbest power but the difference between fun and fatality was too close for my liking to use frivolously.
Twenty minutes later we pull up to a house in Muir Heights. I rap my knuckles across the door twice, paused, and knocked once more.
A few seconds later, the door opened about an inch.
“OH SHIT!” The door flung open. “My boy Jaxson! What’s good??”
Our hands collided in greeting.
“Come in. Come in.” Emmanuel said, ushering us in.
The small home was just as I remembered except there were a few things different. There was gold everywhere. Gold chairs, gold tables, gold Hennessy bottles, gold sneakers.
“This is my homie, Dami.” I say, trying to make sense of the bizarre scene. “What the hell is all this?”
Dami nodded slightly in Emmanuel’s direction. I knew she was trying to figure out what weirdo place did I bring her to.
“Pleasure.” He said in Dami’s direction before shifting his focus to me, “Man one of the homies has the Midas touch so he hooked it up. But whats up with you?? I haven’t heard from you in a minute until you hit me up today.”
“Well bro, I saw your IG before you took the post down and knew I had to come see you.” I replied, still standing, not wanting to give the appearance I was going to stay any longer than I had to.
“Ahhhhh.” He said, gesturing for us to take a seat on one of the two laminated couches. “Yeah it’s some wild shit right?? I saw a guy in LA who could get big as shit like Ant Man and they put three missiles in his chest. So I immediately took down my video. I’m not impervious to military grade ordinance y’feel me?”
“Yeah I got you.” I say sitting on the edge of the couch, Dami following suit. “But look man, I know you can amplify powers and I need you to help me right quick.”
Emmanuel had a tray on his grandmother’s coffee table his friend had turned into solid gold. Even the papers and the bud were gold. It did not look like it would actually get anyone high but I kept the science to myself.
“You know I’m down to help you out bro, but if you gonna try and do some wild destructive shit I’m not with it.” Emmanuel had a grave look on his face. I had an uneasy suspicion I wasn’t the only one to have sought him out.
“Nah nothing like that man. Just tryna prank. You know how we do.” I say trying to diffuse the tension. “You remember back in 9th grade when we mixed the instant coffee in the teacher lounge with those cannabis infused coffee grounds from your cousin?? We had them teachers LIT!”
“Mr. Parker was so faded he slumped in his chair and was out!!” Emmanuel laughed, loosening up. “Okay I got you bro. But look don’t bring no heat my way, aight?”
I wish after I answered with ‘say less’ I was able to keep my word. Emmanuel if you read this bro…I’m honestly truly sorry bro. I really am.
Emmanuel put a hand on my shoulder and the feeling that followed was incredible. I felt every nerve ending in my body flood with an electric tingle. I was bigger than life and more powerful than I could have ever imagined. Focus came easy. I pictured exactly what I wanted to do in a scope and reach unimaginable. Just as quickly as the power came it was gone. Emmanuel had removed his hand and went back to rolling.
“Did it work?” Dami leaned in to ask me softly.
“I think so.” I replied, still euphoric from the connection.
“Y’all tryna smoke?” Emmanuel asked, his precious metal cone rolled to perfection.
“Nah.” I say as I get up. “Thanks bro, I appreciate you.”
Before we could make it out the door Emmanuel shared words that made me question what I had just done.
“Bro, remember, this can’t come back to me. Destruction takes many forms and while I think what you did was hilarious, a lot of people will disagree on the most violent of terms, y’feel me?”
I nod, and shake his hand again. His words bringing a clarity that I had suppressed for the shenanigans sake.
“So what did you do?” Dami asked me as we got into the car.
“Take a look at Instagram or TikTok, I’m sure people are already recording what’s happening.” I reply as we pull away from the street.
Video after video made Dami cackle fiercely.
“YOU TOOK AWAY THEIR THUMBS???” She screamed laughed at me.
Every pale face or otherwise caucasian person within the continental United States found themselves inextricably without their opposable thumbs. Videos ranging between fits of rage to gasping for air in laughter quickly began to surface.
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an influencer try to record one of those videos where they’re crying about being treated unfairly without the benefit of their thumbs but it is quite the hilarious spectacle. Especially when they lift their hands to the camera and it’s nothing but four gangly fingers staring back at you.
While we laughed the more real world implications of de-evolving the opaques became alarmingly evident. Some cars were still moving along the interstate but it was impossible to ignore the number of automobiles strewn along the shoulder, some damaged, some not, some unoccupied and others with passengers who were more than distraught and freaked out of their minds. It was a sombering moment but then a video came across Dami’s twitter feed of a gun-toting confederate stating that as long as he had his trigger finger he would fight for American freedoms. He then proceeded to shoot himself in the foot, unable to hold his shot gun upright. The southern twang of his cousin Bubba’s “oh shit Charles!” Sent Dami and I laughing so hard a stitch formed in our sides.
Our resumed merriment lasted two minutes before it was cut short again, this time by four individuals appearing out of no where. I slammed on the brakes only stopping a mere few feet from them. They were dressed in full blacked out tactical gear with Kente kufis or hairties as their only distinguishing feature from US Marines. Before we could respond we were no longer on the 101 interstate heading towards Oxnard. We were transported to a dank empty warehouse.
“Black out their vision.” I say to Dami quickly, my pulse beating a tattoo in my ear.
“Don’t do it!” Someone yelled from behind us. “Get out the car!”
“Do it!” I say sternly. But even as she tried, Dami wasn’t able to do what I asked. She strained for a moment, then went limp in her seat.
“What did you do to her??” I scream jumping out of the car and lunging at whoever was closest.
“Jaxson calm down!” Another said.
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“How do you know who I am?? What did you do to Dami???” I could barely control myself, anger, fear, confusion rolling into a massive conduit of frenetic energy in my head. I immediately willed everyone’s bones out of their bodies, not knowing I could even muster such a desire.
What followed was a piercing screech that almost cleaved my mind in two. I was driven to my knees, every ability to hold on to a thought was out of reach.
“Mercedes over there is telepathic.” The leader said, crouching down to meet my eye line. “She put Dami to sleep and she is blocking your ability to turn us into skin bags.”
“Who are you?? What do you want??” I whisper. I couldn’t even focus on my fear.
The leader made a gesture and just like that it was over. I could see and think clearly as if nothing had happen. Dami was out of the car and by my side, teleported by which ever one of them had the ability.
“We need you to give the people their thumbs backs.” The leader spoke, answering my previous questions.
After checking on Dami to make sure she was okay, I stood up. The four of them didn’t remove their masks but they stood with attention that suggested some sort of training.
“Why?” I ask, a fiery indignation despite the circumstance welling inside of me, “Y’all the hoteps tryna stop us from having a little fun?”
The team turned their heads to each other, suggesting that they were sharing the same thought.
“Nah man, you can have your fun. We just have plans and right now you caused a big ass problem for us.” Mercedes said, walking from the other side of the car to stand in front of me.
“And what exactly are y’all trying to do?.” Dami asked this time, finally gathering to her feet.
Mercedes was the first to remove her face mask. The others followed suit.
“Sis we’re trying to erase your debt, his debt, your folks debt, all of our debts.” She said looking directly at Dami, clad in the same oak skin. “And we can’t do that on our own.”
As soon as she said the words I groaned inwardly. I would much rather have my parent’s debt or my school loans erased than laugh at white people not be able to hold a cup or a weapon.
“Okay look, maybe we can figure something out but y’all have to ease up.” I say cautiously, waiting for verbal or non-verbal confirmations before continuing. “I can’t do it on my own, but if y’all put us back where you took us from from I’ll give back the thumbs in less than twenty minutes.”
“That’s going to be a no-go man.” The leader said. “We approached Emmanuel earlier but he backed out when we told him our plans. We didn’t know this at the time but we were being watched. And when you two showed up, Dami having been logged for her abilities after her ex filed a report. The authorities showed up and black bagged him.”
The weight of his words made my chest compress. Air seemed to stop flowing into my body. My heart beat irregularly, fading in and out of rhythm.
“Y’all can teleport!” I say, “Bring him back!” My focus shifting on how to save my friend.
“We would,” Mercedes offered. “But black bagged means there is no way we can track him. Wherever he is blocks all abilities; telepathy and teleportation included.”
“Well if that’s the case I don’t know how to help you.” I respond, trying to keep my emotions in line. “I can only affect maybe twenty people at most. Without Emmanuel my reach is limited.”
Their body languages changed. I did not give them the answer they were looking for.
“We understand.” The leader said after a minute. “We were hoping your powers could affect more people at once but we can work with that.” Before I could ask exactly ‘what’ could work, he continued. “I know you don’t trust us but believe me we’re trying to do something that at the very least helps tip the scales in our favor. But it’s your choice if you want to help us get it done.”
“I’m Antoine by the way. Recon.” One of the other persons said as he put his hand forward. I took it, still apprehensive. The last of the group introduced themselves as Baps, the tactical specialist. Even Mercedes came over for a do-over impression. They were all different shades of melanated and had trained for something like this. Regardless if they were had powers or not they were going to pull off this heist one way or another.
“Okay, before I even decide if I’ll help y’all, get Dami back to her moms first.” I say taking her hand into mine. There was no reason she needed to be caught up in whatever they were going to have me do.
The Leader nodded and motioned that Dami should get back in the car.
“You’re stupid as shit. I’m not leaving you alone with the black umbrella academy.” She said, holding my hand tighter. “So what y’all need us to do? And are one of y’all bulletproof or can y’know generate a force field if things get hot?”
For the second time in as many minutes they all shared the reaction. This time though they all had smiles.
They didn’t have force field abilities or were impervious to harm but Baps affirmed that wouldn’t be necessary as their targets did not have significant security. The plan seemed simple enough. Hit Sallie Mae, Navient and Great Lakes to erase student loan debt and then hit Experian and use their connection to all three credit bureaus to give every self-identified African-American a 750 credit score along with eliminating the debt reported to said bureaus.
“Sooo this is beyond illegal. What happens if we get caught?” I ask, thoughts of ‘I should’ve stayed my black ass at home’ ringing off in my head.
“You took away the thumbs of 72% of all elected officials in this country across all three branches of government, not to mention, a significant portion of all law enforcement and our military are handicapped. You’re way past illegal.” Mercedes said side-eyeing me.
“See? Did you really need to put it like that?” I ask looking back at the building schematics pretending I understood how to read them.
Mercedes wasn’t wrong though. What I did could be considered at act of domestic terrorism. But in my mind it was only going to last a few hours. Everyone would be okay. They were just looking at the glass half empty and without a reasonable sense of humor. Although I will admit, I completely misjudged just how important thumbs are.
We were only able to infiltrate and hack three of our four targets. Sallie Mae evidently knew they were going to get hit and when most of their staff no longer had their thumbs everyone was told to go home and hunker down. Luckily we got to the other locations before they could carry out a similar exodus.
As the Leader explained the modified plan it was clear how I threw the biggest wrench into it. Initially they were going to have multiple floors of technicians, support reps and engineers working on systems to relieve debt. But with the limitation of my gift, and having freaked out most of the staff, we only had skeleton crews to work with. It was a lot. I don’t even know how Mercedes was able to keep her telepathic focus for so much longer than she had originally expected to endure. Surprisingly Dami was a huge help casting illusions that made the buildings we were in look like business as usual, fooling employees to continue their work, cleverly hiding that a heist was afoot.
By the end of it we were all exhausted. I was surprised that we made it back in one piece.
“Half a trillion dollars of debt, gone.” The Leader said, helping Mercedes into a makeshift cot, pulling a simple sheet over her.
After making sure Mercedes was comfortable he turned to us.
“We did good. Thank you for your help.” He said.
“Glad we could help. I know this would’ve gone a lot easier if I hadn’t disappeared all the white folks thumbs.” I share, participating in what felt like a heart to heart moment.
“You’re good Jaxson. Now that we’re done I fully plan on getting online to see all the jokes.” The Leader smiled, one of maybe two times I saw the entire time I was with them.
“But before that,” The smile was gone as quickly as it appeared, “Antoine and Baps let me know that they want to help you find Emmanuel. Thanks to other teams like ours, there has been some chatter online about a detention facility, they believe is where they’re holding the ones of us they could capture.”
Even though I couldn’t think straight, Emmanuel’s name ignited a new energy in my mind. I looked to Dami who had taken to the vigilante life like she was born for it and the intensity in her eyes was unmistakable.
“But don’t we lose our power in like seven hours or something like that? Can we really pull this off?” I ask aware that we had just pushed ourselves to the limit.
“Yeah, in seven hours we’re back to being regular negroes and without Mercedes, we lose a huge advantage. It would be danger close, meaning there’s a likely chance that one if not all of us may not make it back.” The leader stood in front of us, fighting the fatigue that creeped like crows feet at his eyes.
“Yeah nah, I can’t ask y’all to do that.” I say. The heist was one thing but the chance of actual danger then was low. This was radically different.
“We put Emmanuel in the same position you did. It’s our responsibility.” Antoine said cooly, from behind us.
“Man, y’all really about that honor, life and liberty, one for all and all for one shit huh?” Dami asked, with what almost looked like admiration.
“Kinda.” Antoine smirked.
“At least with our gifts our odds are better than they will be without.” Baps said joining the conversation, “plus I really want to see what his golden bud is as loud as he made it seem.”
We laughed. Then we got ready.
I want to say that I was heroic. I want to say I was about that life. But heroes don’t say stuff life that. We mounted the mission and it was danger close like the Leader said.
The information about the facility was correct, but what we didn’t know was the other nefarious activities were taking place there.
A guy who went by the name of Siphon took the abilities of the captured and broke them down into chemical compounds that would survive after the great conjunction was over. But that’s another story for another time.
Through some grit and some sheer luck we got Emmanuel. We were out of the facility and able to teleport but something went horribly wrong. Instead of landing back at the warehouse, the instantaneous transfer stretched into what felt like eternity, every atom of my body being torn from one another and then hastily rearranged again. Somehow Dami and I ended up in Winnipeg, Canada, practically landing in the middle of a frigid and deserted downtown street.
We have no way of knowing if Emmanuel, Leader, Baps and Antoine made it but I have to hope they did. Even now we’re trying to find our way back to Pasadena. We hope then we’ll be able to find our friends, new and old.
The great conjunction has passed. We are without our powers heading back to a country that has had a rough and moderately comical day and a half. Once we make it home, evading the authorities won’t be our biggest issue. We know the government has some of our powers and we need to be ready for the inevitable retaliation to come. Stowed away on this long ass train ride heading to Vancouver, Dami is passed out using the last bit of her powers to get us a suite. All flights to the US have been grounded amid the crisis. The world will really never be the same and even despite the danger this new change poses, I, like before and always, am here for it all.
