Jesus, Etc.
I’ve been madly in love with Japanese Breakfast recently. It’s been four months since I discovered Michelle and her band, read her first book, and listened to her three main albums. One day, I saw a story she shared on Instagram where she was performing “Jesus, Etc.” with Wilco. The melody was so catchy and unique that I wondered what the song was. I found that she had covered the song by Wilco and later learned that she had also covered it back in 2019.
A month ago, there was an incident: my best friend’s mother was diagnosed with a tumor in her lung. She had already been in the hospital for probably three months since the summer, but she and his family chose not to tell him because he was still studying abroad. However, about a month ago, her illness suddenly worsened, and his father had to tell him the truth and ask him to come back immediately to see her. But during this unusual COVID pandemic period, it was incredibly difficult to get a flight ticket back to our home country. Flights were scarce, policies were extremely strict, and flights could be canceled at any time. No one knew what could happen or change by the next day.
I was helping him check all the flights back to China, but all the recent flights were sold out, not to mention how outrageously expensive each ticket was, even for flights months later. It was nearly impossible for him to come back soon. We felt desperate. We even thought of asking the embassy for help to see if he could return to our country on humanitarian grounds somehow.
At that time, I put all my energy into gathering information, thinking about how I could help him get back to see his mother. I felt so small in the face of this challenge. The night my friend first told me about his mother’s illness, I broke down crying, feeling that life was so unfair for him to face this at 23. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he would process and accept it all. I thought of Michelle’s book, which I’d finished only a few days prior. I never imagined that a similar tragedy would happen in my reality, to my best friend.
After a day of gathering information, I accidentally found that a flight agent app was selling a limited number of tickets for a flight four days later. I immediately shared it with my friend. He bought the ticket, even though the ticket confirmation was uncertain (48 hours before the flight). It was our last hope. He took the train from Heidelberg to Frankfurt airport to get the required COVID PCR and IgM antibody tests two days before the flight. He fulfilled all the embassy’s requirements for traveling from Germany to China. All he needed was for the ticket to be successfully issued so he could board the flight.
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But things didn’t go smoothly. One and a half days before the flight, the ticket was still unissued. The first customer service agent we contacted had promised that the ticket would be confirmed before the flight, yet they had already missed the “48 hours before the flight” guarantee. After waiting half a day, still with no confirmation, the second customer service agent was even less helpful, hesitating to explain that he didn’t know the status of the reservation. On the last night before my friend was set to leave for China, he couldn’t sleep and woke up twice to check the ticket status. I continuously listened to “Jesus, Etc.” by Wilco. I prayed. I prayed that my friend would return home safely. I prayed for his mother. I prayed he would get to see her. I don’t believe in any religion, but I didn’t know what else to hold onto. So I put my faith in Wilco’s music, the music Michelle had passed on to me.
Jesus, don’t cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can combine anything you want
I’ll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sunTall building shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundDon’t cry
You can rely on me, honey
You can come by any time you want
I’ll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sunTall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundVoices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit aroundOur love
Our love
Our love is all we have
Our love
Our love is all of God’s money
Everyone is a burning sunTall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad, sad songs
Tuned to chords, strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit aroundVoices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit aroundLast cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Even now, it’s hard for me to describe exactly what I feel from the song. There is suffering that makes us grieve, yet we also move forward from the grief. Lately, I’ve been thinking that when the world seems to betray you or your world falls apart, what else can you believe in to keep yourself whole? The reason we feel grief is because we have a human heart. This heart teaches us how to love, to care for the people and things we cherish. This grief might also transform us into someone more complete. The bittersweet melody may eventually turn our orbit around.
Fortunately, after a sleepless night, 17 hours before the flight, the ticket was finally confirmed and issued. The flight was not canceled. My friend was finally able to board the plane to Shanghai. This nearly impossible situation had become possible. I don’t know if my praying through Wilco’s song helped, but I want to believe that it did this time.
Now, my friend has been back for a month, reunited with his family and his mother. His mother is improving, too, with him by her side every day. He thanks me endlessly, but I can think I was just helping a son, cross the seas, to see his beloved mother.
I’ll keep praying for my friend’s mother, for him, and for all those who are in pain and grieving. Whenever I start to lose faith in anything, I’ll listen to Wilco’s song once more.
