"Angel, please don't cry, it's just a bad dream" Her voice whispered in my ear so sweetly With her gentle arms so tight around me I can almost feel it: Distorted carcass of light where a halo was "Angel, don't you worry, everything is exactly right We'll take flight together I've seen your gorgeous dreams And I will make them come true tonight" Waking to the daylight of a memory I wish that this world would disappear Will you hold me As my body shakes and I lose my voice? Will you take me Somewhere that I've never been before? Staring in your eyes (Your eyes) I trust you with my truest self (My self) Shameless and alive (Alive) I'm getting tired of being someone else So much of my life So many years in private I don't know who I am when I have to hide it In the fantasy I am the kid that I never was But all the love can't make it true Have you ever felt like someone's trapped inside you? Alive and mute?

I try to kill time, try to kill time But it's still fighting Try to stay clean, try not to think about dying Try to kill time til I get out of this place Another dead sky Wait, wait - Why is this happening to me again? I can't let it smother What I've built up over so many years I kill time til I'm someone better Killed my dreams, killed my fears Total fucking flatline Why am I here? I try to kill the time until I can take another risk To feel alive And the light has gone out again Gone out again in my head Every time I try to get attached It just doesn't last or it lasts too long And then I'm lost: Run into the night and you'll never find me Killing time until I see you again But then who are you to me? I don't even know myself And it really feels like no one ever will So hold me Try to kill time til I'm alright But I can't find what I've lost And I don't like what I see inside (Inside) No life (No life) - Remind (Remind) me why I'm here? Try to stay chill with the tunnel vision But I know it's still locked in where it shouldn't be What I need from you Feels like it would kill me if it came true I try to kill the time until I can take another risk To feel alive And the light has gone out again Gone out again in my head Every time I try to get attached It just doesn't last or it lasts too long And then I'm lost: Run into the night and you'll never find me Killing time until I see you again But then who are you to me? I don't even know myself And it really feels like no one ever will So hold me I try to kill time til I can feel anything But it's so slow I try to kill time til I can feel it again But I don't know What the fuck I'm doing here I try to kill time til I can feel anything But it's so slow I try to kill time til I can feel it again But I don't know What the fuck I'd do if any of it could come true Wait - I try to kill the time until I can take another risk To feel alive And the light has gone out again Gone out again in my head Every time I try to get attached It just doesn't last or it lasts too long And then I'm lost: Run into the night and you'll never find me Killing time until I see you again But then who are you to me? I don't even know myself And it really feels like no one ever will So hold me please The days are agony, the time crawls The feeling enters me and I fall again Too soon for this again, I'm not all here When does this stop? I need an exit

Dead chemicals, not this shit again, I'm over it Lettering burnt in grey matter(ing) too much Too suddenly, everything I want you to see in me Replaced by a bad dream I'm not ready and I never was For the expectations given us The truest me believes in love But this time that's harder to trust In the moment I'm not myself at all Locked out every single time, I feel small So far but it's everything that I want So close but I cannot become it (It's not real) In the moment I'm not myself at all (Not me) Locked out every single time, I feel small (Every night it screams) So far but it's everything that I want (She's how I feel) So near but I cannot become her (She's not real) The dream of feeling alive and reckless In touch with my senses I can't get it out It's still condemned It's stuck, suspended between My heart and my mouth Who am I to say what's in my brain? Who am I today? Bend but can't break In the moment I'm not myself at all Locked out every single time, I feel small So far but it's everything that I want So close but I cannot become it (It's not real) In the moment I'm not myself at all (Not me) Locked out every single time, I feel small (Every night it screams) So far but it's everything that I want (She's how I feel) So near but I cannot become her (She's not real) In the crush of the world, I try to hold on tightly To the fragile me that I love Slowly losing my grip, I frantically try to dig Her out of the noise and the grime and mud But she's slipping every day No - Please - I need you to stay

Fucking my outside into the shape of you Found a mirror on the street side Couldn't break it, couldn't look into I know my true self and I cannot suspend belief But when I show you it's just ???????? in me I believe that we can be made anew What we are inside grows through open wounds What you see when you look into my eyes is true: I am not alive, I'm only what lives in you And I found myself in rain In the gravel on the shoulder Part of her could not be saved And the things that fall away When you think it's over Could never be sustained anyway Heaven - don't look away Heaven waits for no one Heaven In my nightmares heaven waits for you Never knew what it was Never could describe it All the same, never one to lose The best intentions subjective to a fault Subsume intention, sublimate to panic response Lost in the violence you try to hide in to prove your soul I see the truth that's hiding I know we want the same thing We could be beautiful if you let go I believe that we can be made anew What we are inside grows through open wounds What you perceive when you look into my eyes is true: I am not alive, I'm only what lives in you I live in you WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO MY EYES IS TRUE: I AM NOT ALIVE. I'M ONLY WHAT LIVES IN YOU :) :) :) ;) ;)

I was like a cruel child Pulling the wings off an insect Blinded by the ecstasy of finally being known You met my eyes With no trace of any kind of avoidance Crossing every boundary thinking that I'd found my home Bright future, unknown and alive Darkest choices, ten years gone by One of many possible paths once within our hands But time fails us and never looks back In the worst of it all, I once wrote you, Spilling onto the page the glow of truth In the morning what I'd written made no sense at all And I knew then I would lose you Short months in a world on the precipice Same as always, groping blindly for the shape of it Soft voice and the knowledge of the tentative God, if I could put an end to what I thought I knew back then... Bright future, unknown and alive Darkest choices, a decade gone by One of many possible paths once within our hands But time fails us and never looks back

Thot dog snap chat filter Check check Snapchat thot dog filter (Shoutout Kaonashi) Motherfucker wants to be all alone And she's scared of home And she's not done running Nobody cares, she isn't self-aware enough She didn't see it coming Let your guard down, give your life up - Nobody believes it enough She could've been anywhere else She could've been anyone else Packing up and she's scared she's lost it She wants to be something honest Just can't admit to herself: It's all that she wants, facade like a spell Myth - transparent Just human, just scarcity No one wants to be perceived plainly No one wants to see what she sees inside And all the colors of her mind Repel each other in time Broken polarity, nobody cares if we just Invent the outside It's not a lie, it can be your truth It's not a lie if it completes you Run, run, don't look back Run, run, don't look back Run, run, there's better days ahead Run, run, don't look back Run, run, don't look back Run, run, the future lives inside you Bridges burn and only silence lasts Trembling, the future in her grasp Not a sound, not even any words of comfort "By the way, I'm never coming back" Everybody thinks they know what she is Everybody just wants to break open her business Not the truth, yet again, slipping loose Delulus of a reason to get away Away is all there is Next town, next person she is Start again and again Running out of time to be anything worth keeping Nothing left for her No sense, to her, in dragging out this feeling What kind of life would be worth having a future? What kind of life would mean something to her, or anyone? Run, run, don't look back Run, run, don't look back Run, run, there's better days ahead Run, run, don't look back Run, run, don't look back Run, run, the future lives inside you Bridges burn and only silence lasts Trembling, the future in her grasp Not a sound, not even any words of comfort "By the way, I'm never coming back" You will never recognize me again Til I die

I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I want I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I want Think I coulda had it If I didn't panic If i coulda lasted just a little longer, dammit Wake up, everything's static 4 different drugs just to manage God... No, it's not a habit That's just life When you shoulda died but you haven't Every day I'm so dramatic What the fuck is my damage? Not like I got this far not looking at it God I still can't stand it Bitch, shut up, can it Motherfucker, do you really think you're so special That this world will stop just cuz you're mad at Everyone who couldn't satisfy What you thought you deserved - Is that it? My best friend says I should stop this Show myself a little kindness, on it Just as soon as the numbers go down on this dogshit I know you want it. C'mon. Be honest. But I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I want I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I I don't wanna know what I want

There was a time when I would envy you Give up everything so you could see the virtue Shining out of me like radiation from a dying sun But that part of me is gone, never to return Goodness only begets pain at best and chaos at worst I would rather be despicable than try to be Fucked into nothingness, respectable, erased And no one can help you now No one can break your fall Face down, no bottom in sight At least the wind in your hair Is proof that somehow, you're still alive So for seconds or decades, you move on With whatever grace you got left All the shit that you talk All your assumptions just betray Everything that you want But that you're too scared to say I get it, I used to pretend to love this world too Hidden within the glance, Within the anger that's your shield Blocking out all the vice you wish could be revealed You don't have to be afraid You only have to follow your truth (lol) But you'll never let yourself see it So no one can help you now No one can break your fall Face down, no bottom in sight At least the wind in your hair Is proof that somehow, you're still alive So for seconds or decades, you move on With whatever grace you got left Nobody owes you friendship Nobody knows you when it's cold I know, I know, I've felt it too You'd never say you're jealous But your secrets inside will leave you unknown: A fate worse than being damned. No one can help you now (No one can help you now) No one can break your fall (No one can break your fall) Face down, no bottom in sight At least the wind in your hair Is proof that somehow, you're still alive So for seconds or decades, you move on With whatever grace you got left No one can help you now or break your fall No one No one No one No one but you.

I'm hurting Cuz there's a part of me That cannot perceive a life past this point I'm returning To the way I felt for all those years behind I'm alone in a quiet room with all this noise If I run away again, will you be there to meet me? (I'm slipping away) I'm in so much pain again and no one seems to see me (Slipping away) I'm hurting Cuz there's a part of me That can only be described with a look With a touch, without a single word at all And I've tried to explain what I mean But it just comes out like a joke But no one laughs God, I wanna be seen but everybody evades my eyes If I run away again, will you be there to meet me? (I'm slipping away) I'm in so much pain again and no one seems to see me Please see me Please I think for once in my life I'm more afraid of the future than the past And I don't wanna leave this awful place Without anybody seeing me for who I want to believe I am If I run away again, will it be the last time? I think I am losing faith in who I am inside I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up shut up) I'm hurting (Shut up) (NO ONE CARES.) (NO ONES GIVES A FUCK.) If I run away again, will you be there to meet me? (I'm slipping away) I'm in so much pain again and no one seems to see me (Slipping away) But I know I'll wake and it will have left again Will I ever break or can I only bend?

FUCK THIS GAY EARTH Be true to yourself and disappear in the grey of it (Go build a home out of violence) Scraped out of the world you glimpsed in it (Go make a bed you can die in) Now you're on your own I know what you know I know that someday you'll learn or you won't You're overcome and it shows You're overcome and it shows. Grow up It's all that's left for you now You can grow up, but I would rather end it all I've only got my ego, I don't even know myself Looking around, losing control, everybody can tell In every dream I had there was nothing beyond the now Need a new star to chase, I need to forget this somehow I'm cool, I'm just chilling, I'm just doing my shit One day maybe you can let go and live Let go and live I just want the best for you Fuck it You're still dreaming, colorless, see-thru "Why me? Why me??" Nobody sees you You're still dreaming, colorless, see-thru (I'm just having fun) (Get the fuck out of my daydream) "Why me? Why me??" Nobody sees you (Go and be someone) Go go go go Go build a home out of violence Go go go go Go make a bed you can die in Screaming into the emptiness, knowing: No purpose, nobody can welcome me home Daydream of a time when I couldn't be anything else Please don't forget me All the world outside what we made together Wither and decay, watching it falling away Water-damaged, infested apartment: Heaven beyond description BLEGH No one cares Everything will be lost Anyway, no one wants to see at all Where do you go? How do you grow? Where do you go? How do you grow? Where do you go? (Where do you go) How do you grow after you know too much to live? (How do you grow after you know too much to live) Where do you go? (Where do you go) How do you grow after you know too much to live? (How do you grow after you know too much to live) Where do you go How do you grow After you know too much to live Where do you go How do you grow After you know too much to live 𝓮 No one knows shit, I am not like you, bitch I don't think I'm special but no one is Go on, just push me Do it, set me free It's everything I ever wanted Let's go Let's go

Fuck sleep Fuck every fragile home I've got dreams none of you motherfuckers know I've been fucked with one too many times Never lie down when I can fight I've held my tongue enough Never shared what's on my mind Tonight I'm leaving, all the days reaching And nobody was ever there And I am heaving, bitterness creeping Up thru my throat Why?? Motherfucker, don't try to talk back Every single time that I walked back What I thought of you just to be decent My heart withered in my hands Never thought I could fall further Wake up everything is worse Hurt, gotta feel nothing Tune out the pain and try to stay trusting Just who do you see when you look thru me? I'm a ghost in my own eyes What are you trying to find inside? The projection and the clout And all of your entitlement? I don't think that there's anything else keeping me alive The city light consumes me forever I still can't seem to say what I really mean I'm still so far away Floating just out of reach In my heart there's something holy You'll never really know me I wish I could be something I'm dreaming, I'm nothing All the world encroaching coldly All my life I've been holding This hope that's slowly crumbling Still breathing Still running Maybe it's a cop-out that I feel like a cosmic drop-out Ever since I was a kid I just wanted out This can't be right Every kind of escape only made me feel like No light ever could penetrate Dirty yellow glass I could never break Nobody can relate That bleak autumn sky The blood in my eyes Dead grass in daylight (That strange light...) Coalesced in my young mind And I don't want to wake in the grey ruins of this cage Somewhere there has to be a portal I do not belong in this place Maybe it's a memory, maybe just fiction, But all the same - I can feel it, barely contained But the city light consumes me forever I still can't seem to say what I really mean I'm still so far away Floating just out of reach In my heart there's something holy You'll never really know me I wish I could be something I'm dreaming, I'm nothing All the world encroaching coldly All my life I've been holding This hope that's slowly crumbling Still breathing Still running Oh God, what must I do? What must I do?

I don't know what I am doing But everyone tells me I'm fine I wonder if I have been honest once in my life? Because all that's come to define me I swear feels like writing down a dream Fill in the gaps and hope you're close enough to see The world that lives beyond the memory Is anything even real? It feels like no one really knows Imprint on a person and hurt everyone trying to follow Just like they did before you. If I could talk to you now I don't know what I would even say God I just wish I could hate you Why is everything that fucks me up always so ambiguous? It would be easier If there was nobody in the whole world I could trust But

I see how it works now You act hard til you're called on it somehow By life with the shit that you missed out I used to be like you Curl up and hope someone notices Oh could this be the outcome you hope it is? For what? Girl, you're so real, you're so fucked up You were betrayed just like I was Your pain lines up so perfectly with my love I look up to you, so much distance Promise you will never break this image I don't know what I would do Let down so you throw the blame I know how it feels, I've felt the same But in this world, You can't expect a person to heal your pain Thru the confusing memories Are we just looking for a trajectory to love and pity - Is it really nothing, or is it the realest thing? Girl, you're so real, you're so fucked up You were betrayed just like I was Your pain lines up so perfectly with my love I look up to you, so much distance Promise you will never break this image I don't know what I would do Knowing someone truly Only means seeing right through their skin Opaque in nostalgia, is it cold to wish away this transparence? Knowing someone truly Only means seeing right through their skin Opaque in nostalgia, is it cold to wish away this transparence? Girl, you're so real, you're so fucked up You were betrayed just like I was Your pain lines up so perfectly with my love I look up to you, so much distance Promise you will never break this image I don't know what I would do.

There's a dim and hidden glow that's inside everyone But blown out by the halogen of Goodness So bright that nobody can block it out The true beauty's hidden I believed, I believed, I believed that you You could see, you could see, you could see through But you're staring at the sun. There is nothing left to say. I trusted you. I still want your understanding, as rotten as it is As twisted as it made you I don't say a thing as you stare up at me And you tell me what I am I was a human being, now I'm shaking where I stand My sympathy and all my gentleness is dead I should have believed in your Goodness The eyes don't adjust unless you look away The dim light is uncertain, I understand But uncertainty is how you grow and change There was always another way, but you decided Your words could have given understanding instead of violence When I spoke to you, I hoped that you would see my trust But after all these years, you only had disgust. Goodness is a threat Against something inside yourself That you don't want to understand. I don't say a thing as you stare up at me And you tell me what I am I was a human being, now I'm shaking where I stand My sympathy and all my gentleness is dead I should have believed in your Goodness. (No) Your Goodness (No) Your Goodness (No) I know you (Why?) I've seen you before. I didn't wanna believe it I don't.

Now I think I'm learning to become The person that I needed to love And who was never really real The strength just comes to me I don't question where from I don't think I could trust myself to understand But when it happens I am all that I have Falling into memory, all the tenderness I tried to save All the vulnerable parts of me fossilizing into hardened shapes Wishing I could give into anybody's gentleness and trust But there's nothing that I cannot do I don't need anybody but who I've become I don't question the love I don't think I could trust myself to understand Now I know I'm all I have Falling into memory, all the tenderness I tried to save All the vulnerable parts of me fossilizing into hardened shapes Wishing I could give into anybody's gentleness and trust But there's nothing that I cannot do I don't need anybody but who I've become When I was a kid I could see through this illusion Now I know there's nothing there No comfort from the nightmare Just awake in the dark between everything Too real to bear When I was a kid I could see through this illusion Now I know there's nothing there No comfort from the nightmare Just awake in the dark between everything Too real to bear Falling into memory, all the tenderness I tried to save All the vulnerable parts of me fossilizing into hardened shapes Wishing I could give into anybody's gentleness and trust But there's nothing that I cannot do. I don't need anybody but who I've become. Somewhere, not here In a place whose name has vanished In the leaves I found myself (10 SURPRISING THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU UGLIER) (YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE MY BACK) And I opened my eyes (SICKO VIBE MOTHERFUCKER SINCE DAY 1) And nobody is asking me if I'm okay (All the years between then and now) They won't look me in the fucking eye [Motherfucker I'm rigtht here] Even something half-assed and insincere (I've gotten used to what I am) Would let me know that I survived Bitches can't even get one thing straight (And I see your pain at not knowing) Yet they're acting like they've known me for a lifetime (How to reconcile yourself with that) Bitch, you don't know half of the shit That around you I have to hide all the time When I was a kid I could see though (I won't apologize) The illusion that I would need you And I know that I came from somewhere else (I can see the anger in your eyes) And I know that I can never let this place and this pain And you fucking heartless poltergeists touch it (And it's not my responsibility to teach you now) Touch it Never fucking touch it I don't owe you shit So step off, bitch I just want to believe everyone will show simple kindness And try to be trustable (Try to be trustable, even after every time after every time) Even after every time (Feeling and feeding the ugly truth) Feeling the ugly truth and being let down (And being let down - I'm so easy to convince) I'm so easy to convince Just tell me you see (See) What's hiding deep within (What's hiding deep within) I don't wanna say it I don't wanna say it I waited til I felt like I was breaking and then (I don't wanna say it. Shh) I kept the feeling of safety contained someplace in my head And I really thought that I would die Before it could be said aloud to anyone (Anyone, anyone) So much time running from everything that came before I screamed it til I was hoarse, repeated til I wasn't scared anymore: "I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS WORLD." Everybody told me, everybody said Every stressor that I felt was just in my head I don't give a shit if you think it'll kill me (I don't give a shit if you think it'll kill me) I'm always gonna pretend (Pretend) And two people I could trust opened up a new world [I'll pretend til I get there] (The portal opened then) But I didn't see the danger in it Still a trusting dumb kid Everybody takes advantage of it And you wonder why you're so fucked up when You couldn't say no I couldn't say no So coming out of hell after hell I met you And I felt it I felt true love then (Overwhelming after everything before) And something happened That I didn't see the true shape of for too long (And it seemed like all my dreams were coming true) [too long] And something happened That I didn't see the true shape of for the next - It doesn't matter how long It wasn't evil and it wasn't simple enough (Just like everything before) Then, I didn't listen to my intuition Oh my fucking god I was so fucked up in love I just couldn't (Just like everything before) (Not again) But I don't want anybody to hate you for it Shoulda never been their business in the first place I know we're all fucked up, but the shit got so far gone So far gone that I could not see an exit Lost inside, confused, trying every second - Don't give up I tried to keep it together, but now I can see I only tore myself apart I'm finished here, I'm moving on Don't try to find me, I'll be gone The moment hangs, forever lost - Don't let them crush your stupid heart. I love you. I would have done almost anything I could Just to take all of the pain away I would have given up my soul I pray that feeling is lost forever So I will never disregard my self and let her suffer again Where are we this time? Where is this? We're not here this time We have strayed outside the vision But it doesn't matter, gotta get my life back Kinda getting desperate, but I won't let This destroy everything that I worked for All the times that I hurt more than I could bear But I did - I did it, I made it through for somebody else But where was I? Where the fuck was I?? Trapped deep inside, suppressed, could not even cry Gotta reach out, gotta know I'm in there (So What?) Oh god, what if I can't - Oh god, what if after all this time, I can't find myself at all?? I swear I'm in here Oh please god don't give up I swear I'm in here Please don't give up I'm all alone, please I dream about you all the time now, Last night felt like we were really there - I was going back. And I saw things so clearly (You were there and you knew) That I'd never seen before (Everything that you did.) And I knew that it was true. (And I hugged you and cried and I knew that it wasn't really you.) And I knew that when I woke up I would see things like I had never seen them (This will haunt me:) But it was just another grey morning and I could feel (Did you ever love me, or was I only of use?) The edges of the hole that you dug, that I let you dig [Will I ever feel] (I'll never know.) Everybody "knows" now. Everybody thinks they know. And I just want a future [Will I ever feel?] And a fresh start [Will I ever feel what I felt with you?] Like I should've had back then when the portal opened [Will I ever feel what I - What I - ] Kicking habit after habit as I try to hold on To the naive kid I was before [Will I ever feel what I felt with you?] [Is it even healthy to pursue?] And I got out, got my best friends here {Fucking trauma bonded, safety's always just a promise} But I don't feel here at all {Can you keep it? For how long?} And I've seen this place before in my dreams All this time, it's waited here for me The sun, the bracing sea breeze, Burn it all away, please Evaporate the water, scorch the air FUCK ALL OF THIS BEAUTY, I DONT CARE NOTHING HAPPENED HERE THAT I CAN CHANGE WHY DO I KEEP COMING BACK TO THIS PLACE?? I don't think I can make it. (Why did you fucking do it?) Just one more day (Please, I was just a kid, I came all this fucking way) Just one more fucking little day (I'm a fucking spoiled brat but I know please) It's all that I have (Please - please - don't leave me) Don't leave me alone Why? What the fuck could make yuo think it's ok? What the fuck could make you think it's ok to do that? I know I'm just a fucking coward What the fuck could make you think it's ok? Why? Why the fuck would you do that to me? Why? I know I'm just a spoiled fucking brat I don't deserve to feel this way Please I should have been - Please don't - I'm here with you. I see you.

I broke my heart on the thin wooden walls Trying to squeeze out everything I had left Screaming and chaos down through the floor And all my dreams came true. In the basement crying, Why do I feel like I've been here so long ago? Dirty mattress, black mold, heaven - No one will ever know. The splinters worked their way through my skin As I would dream of running away again Fingers reaching to block out the sun "I'll never crush you inside." "I'll never catch fire." In the basement crying, Why do I feel like I've been here so long ago? Dirty mattress, black mold, heaven - No one will ever know. Now my broken bones are no longer a loving frame And my blood is no longer a well And my pain is no longer the shape of those walls I'll never go back there I'll never go back I'll never go back there I'll never go back home,