slopped?

The MAGA Mega Church

Think of prayers asked and answered as an exchange of goods. Now tariff them.

Like the juice? You’re locking up fruit concentrate?

Nom nom nom

The unbelievable antics of the fucking literate. Thoz eevul ashowls.

Probably reading it

Are you calling me out because I’m from Texas, or calling out Texas cops because they’re cowards who watched children get slaughtered and then cried to the courts for the right to not do their job?

Of course! That cop was a freaking hero! They just saved some poor old woman, in a transient housing situation, from some hook-wielding maniac who pushed her down a flight of stairs after she tried fighting them off! Without that officer, who bravely jumped off your shoulders and across the finish line, who knows what could have happened!!!

You know what? I heard that the lady was mentally unstable, but that her assailant was wearing a mask and possibly even had an axe!

~Oh hey! What’s this little package? I think there’s something for you inside!~

Why would cops go in? I don’t like to repeat old stereotypes, but black people hardly ever hang out in roaring fires; so to whom would they deliver their bullets?

Shh. Not a- oh… Right. The joke…

I keep imagining an earnest battle, from which people in the other room hear a chorus of two rapidly chanting “ow ow ow ow ow ow ow”

I had to look that up, and I’m so glad I didn’t use a private tab. That oughtta make my search results interesting for the next few days.

Remember that time that God told Moses to strike the rock so that the people could drink water. Later, Moses struck the rock again without instruction from God, and God was all like, “oh, that’s cool. I’m a super-chill and reasonable being; you don’t gotta ask me for permission to end your own suffering.”

Oh wait, I’m misremembering what God said. I believe it was actually something along the lines of, “I’ll fucking kill you, Moses. I’m gonna make you slave and toil to bring these people, who I’ve expressed nothing but hated for, to the land that you’ve dreamt of seeing, and then I’m gonna fucking kill you right before you get to see it. You know what, motherfucker? Write that shit down. You’re gonna write a fucking book about how powerful I am compared to you little shits, and you’re gonna write about your little fuck-up, and how I’ll fucking kill you. I decide when the suffering ends!”

So, yeah. Let’s assume that so these pious assholes and their moody invisible friend are right/real. What part of their book has ever indicated that God wants them accelerating his plans?

I still find it difficult to tell her that I have no interest in traveling to the US

Tell her. If she’s insisting that you visit this hellhole, then she needs to know that you feel unsafe. I live in Texas, and my family keeps talking about coming to visit me. I have to tell them that it’s a bad idea, and I explain, “don’t mistake my survival for your safety.” The fact that I haven’t been blasted in the face by ICE yet is not proof that Texas is alright; it’s just proof that I haven’t been blasted in the face by ICE. Yet.

En garde!

Clean your lens

Whatever, they’re gonna blow it up later. From the moon.

Candyman had a Skin Unit

Yeah, I cut the root to a nub, just enough to essentially clean the bottom, but not enough for the onion to fall apart. But same as you: whatever I don’t finish lasts over a week, and I chop up everything that remains and use all of it.