1. |
A Drowning Confession
03:24
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I had a feeling
Like a core oscillation
Shot from person to person
Looking for something we shared
But I had a feeling
That echoed from my foundation
When I found no communion
When I found nothing there
You turn around and you’re letting it go
I had a feeling
Like a drowning confession
Under all of the ocean
Seven miles from air
That I would find meaning
In a dark meditation
And maybe deep in the silence
I’d find myself somewhere
It pulls you down like the undertow
You turn around and you’re letting it go
It pulls you down like the undertow
It pulls you down, pulls you down, pulls you down, oh
You turn around and you’re letting it go
It pulls you down like the undertow
You turn around and you’re letting it go
It pulls you down, pulls you down, pulls you down
Well I had a feeling
Like a deep dislocation
And that compelled me to searching
To find myself somewhere
But I came up empty
Feeling alone at the party
Until I blacked out completely
And I found nothing there
I had a feeling
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2. |
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Here we are, nowhere, and we’re bored, ‘cause we don’t care anymore
Throw the pretense overboard, cut your ties with the old guard
And I swear, it’s true, we don’t know what to do
Let the hush wash over you, till you’re drowning in it
(Wherever, decentered, untethered, ‘cause we don’t care anymore
Too bent out to bother, we’re treading cold water
We end up suspended, we meant it, we don’t know what to do
We process undoneness, you witness no-oneness)
Undone by the high tide of evolution
Time unravels and devolves into repetition
And we’re all too scared to hope, ‘cause we’ve got nothing to show
It’s all purgatorial, revel in the great unknown
And that’s fair, like sure, ‘cause when your dream is deferred
And your pleas all go unheard, you sputter and you spin out
(Deflated, unmade and frustrated, ‘cause we’ve got nothing to show
We process undoneness, you witness no-oneness
We end up suspended, we meant it, ‘cause when your dream is deferred
You drift on like fodder, still treading cold water)
And stare up at the sky till your eyes glaze over
Your faith goes up in a blaze while the future burns
Goddamn, let the rats inherit the earth
Once you’re bottomed out, it’s on to something worse
Who’s keeping score anymore?
We are, we are, we are
You can shout about it till your vision blurs
Or till you lose the feeling
Goddamn, let the rats inherit the earth
Once you’re bottomed out, it’s on to something worse
Who’s keeping score anymore?
We are, we are, we are
And out there when the flies and the buzzards swarm
Would you say a prayer? Would you know what for?
Who’s even sure anymore?
We are, we are, we are
You can shout about it till your vision blurs
Or till you lose the feeling
Undone by the high tide of evolution
Unravel and devolve into repetition
(Too bent out to bother, we’re treading cold water
We process undoneness, you witness no-oneness
We drift on like fodder, still treading cold water
We end up suspended, we meant it, we’re treading)
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3. |
Eviction Party
03:35
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She said it was fine
But it’s a two-part story
I’m not gonna lie
It socked me right between the eyes
Here on the night
Of the eviction party
The big picture’s crystal clear
And it’s a dumpster fire
I close my eyes and chase the dread
With something saccharine and sweet
Jack and Coke icing my head
A cool and carbonated heat
There’s nothing left here but the mess
And that’s the good part
The bad part, sadly, is what’s next:
It slips away, it’s over
I’m tripping out
Dodging flushed-out faces
Trading glances with stray lampshades
Someone’s crashed out on the floor
The rush of sound
When the heat’s unyielding
You press your face up to the HVAC
And breathe one precious breath at a time
I close my eyes and chase the dread
With something saccharine and sweet
Jack and Coke icing my head
A cool and carbonated heat
There’s nothing left here but the mess
And that’s the good part
The bad part, sadly, is what’s next:
It slips away, it’s over
The flashing of lights flood through cracks in the bathroom
To clash and collide and dissolve in the rearview
But it’s my eviction, I’ll cry if I want to
Or wash it down instead
I close my eyes and chase the dread
With something saccharine and sweet
Jack and Coke icing my head
A cool and carbonated heat
I wasn’t doing great before, and now?
I think I’m finally freaking out
You can tell the world how it went down
But it’s a two-part story
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4. |
Hallelujah
04:07
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It could have been today, it could have been next week
When the cops blew the whistle on a house party
That was some time ago, and that was imminently
And it spun out of control cyclically
And the trouble if you’re thinking categorically
Is there’s masculine, there’s feminine, there’s androgyny
And there’s in and there’s out, and then there’s me
When the state comes to police the boundaries
I was brought up with religion, I’m no stranger to faith
I learned to love thy neighbor in like a hundred ways
But when there’s social control masquerading as virtue
Well that’s the type of pill that won’t do nothing for you
And they’re drafting up a law a couple states away
Unambiguously, that’s in the present day
When the cops blow the whistle on who you can be
Then the riptide pulls you down, hey, hey
When ya do ya hallelujah
I see through ya
To express oneself, now expressly forbidden
That’s a spiritual hell, that’s a new prohibition
And they’ll boil you down to reproductive function
When they see you as a vessel and not as a person
And then it’s teachers on parents, and parents on teachers
A culture of snitching and paranoid grievance
And then it’s students on teachers, and teachers on kids
You go “blah blah blah blah freedom,” but that’s not what it is
When ya do ya hallelujah
I see through ya
Shut it down
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5. |
I Know I Know
01:50
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I was broken from the outset, yeah
I know, I know, I really don’t believe it
Every little bit of content, yeah
I know, I know, I really don’t believe it
It was bleeding into my head where
You know, you know, it really shouldn’t be, yeah
And I was hanging by a thread
I was broken from the outset, yeah
I know, I know, I really don’t believe it
And the avalanche of death threats, well
I know, I know, I really shouldn’t read it
When reality’s in disrepair
You know, you know, there’s nothing to believe in
But it was bleeding in my head
And the headlines read
There was nothing there
And on the TV set
There was nothing there
And all the evidence
And any common sense
And when I lost the thread
There was nothing there
But it was bleeding into my head where
You know, you know, it really in shouldn’t be, yeah
And I was hanging by a thread
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6. |
Outta My Head
03:01
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I’ve been sleeping on fault lines
Rattled up and convulsed by the paradigm
Counting the ticks of the time bomb, yes, I’m wide awake
I wanna think there’s a bright side
Don’t wanna dwell on the doomsday device in my mind
I wanna trust that the sunshine will sweep the clouds away
I heed the imperative
And suffer the narrative
But I can’t get the part where you fucked up out of my head
I'm wearing out the refrain now
Stuck in a loop, it’s the same groove, I’m spinning out
And if there's no one to blame, then there's nothing to shout about
I measure my self control
In doses of adderall
But I can’t get the part where you fucked up out of my head
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7. |
New Year's Reprieve
03:57
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Mopping up beer at the end of the year
I was crushing through the holiday rush
I was feeling alone with no direction to go in
But I thought the only way left was up
And the little I’d saved making minimum wage
Was just enough to blow on rent each month
So I’d work till I’d sleep and I’d sow what I’d reap
And I wouldn’t care if it felt punk
But it wasn’t enough
It wasn’t enough, no
Now would you believe that come New Year’s Eve
I was desperate for getting free
Cleaning literal shit from a dive bar toilet
And ringing in 2019
On the bike ride home I made a wish that I’d only
Find someone who believed in me
As I dodged the drunk drivers and the champagne imbibers
In the streets of the capital city
I wished that love would find me
But it’s never that easy
Do you believe that there’s some reprieve?
Do you believe that it gets easier?
I wanna see if there’s sun beyond the horizon
But I don’t know if I’ll ever get there
Do you believe that there’s some reprieve?
Do you believe that it’ll be OK?
I wanna find sun beyond the horizon
But I don’t know, I don’t know
Now all the cards say around the holidays
That you’re blessed if you believe in a myth
But I saw the light on that cold lonely night
In the glow of one incredible kiss
But like a candle to wind as the glow turned dim
I couldn’t look at it with any wonder
For the sum of the living and the inevitable dimming
It won’t kill you and it won’t make you stronger
And you’ll never get younger
But the days will get longer
Do you believe that there’s some reprieve?
Do you believe that it gets easier?
I wanna see if there’s sun beyond the horizon
But I don’t know if I’ll ever get there
Do you believe that there’ll be relief?
Do you believe that it’ll be OK?
I guess we’ll find out, but I have my doubts
It’ll come before the end of my days
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8. |
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Sorry that I’m not better
And though I say this every time
I promised I’d change but I just keep forgetting
Can’t you see that I’m trying this time?
Least I think that’s what trying looks like
Sorry that I’m not better
And though I couldn’t tell you why
I promised I’d change and it’s on the agenda
But if l said I was trying this time
Would you tell me what trying looks like?
Sorry that I’m not better
I’m doing the best I can
It’s just the best that I can looks a lot like nothing at all
Sorry that I’m not better
And though I say it every time
Well, it’s always unsatisfying
But you know that I’m trying and I’ll try again
Sorry that I’m not better
Can’t you see that I’m trying this time?
Least I think that’s what trying looks like
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9. |
The Undertow
05:37
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In the rush
Of revelation and panic
You don’t know what you got
But you know that you had it
Your face flush
When the feeling’s frenetic
Your heart swells at the touch
And you never forget it
But you go
Under the undertow
When the officers come to probe,
Inspect and audit
They’ll say “Who do you love? Who do you love?
Who do you love? Who do you love?”
And if you don’t have the words
You won’t say nothing about it
The cold crush
Fades from your recollection
The breath exits your lungs
And the rest is rewritten
‘Cause you trust
When relentlessly threatened
You’ll find the only way out
Is at the end of the dead end
So you go
Under the undertow
Where nobody has to know
And no one can get in
And you’ll go
‘Cause it’s only down the road
And under the undertow
It’s all you’ll ever know
And you’ll go
‘Cause it’s only down the road
When you’re under the undertow
You only sense the connection
They’ll say “Who do you love? Who do you love?
Who do you love? Who do you love?”
But if they don’t find the flaw
They don’t issue correction
Who do you love? Who do you love?
The revelation and panic
At the end of the dead end
You know that you had it
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10. |
A Lapse In The Emptiness
04:23
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I pull the thoughts through a hole in my head
To fill the lapse in the emptiness
Spilling out into the pointlessness
We watch the pigs in the parking vests
Through a window pink with violations
There’s these thoughts, they’re just swirling round
Never satisfied to be contained
I shove ‘em in but they’re falling out
Falling, falling out, through a hole in my head
Falling through the emptiness
Falling, falling out, through a hole again
Every morning there’s some new condensation
On the weeds in the vacant lot
Growing taller like collection agents
In their slow, descending march
There’s a kind of stillness to the tightening of the vice,
The consistent crush
I’m pulling thoughts without thinking like
I’m bound by the dull impulse
Falling, falling out, through a hole in my head
Falling through the emptiness
Falling, falling out, through a hole again
Buildings loom
Tall and dark
To cast a shade
To cloud the heart
To fill the lapse in the emptiness
To fill the lapse in the emptiness
Every little thing that you ever did
To fill the lapse in the emptiness
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11. |
Days Don't Quit
05:04
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I've dreamt in suspended motion
Since the world burned down
Unsettled in time
Unspoken futures come unwound
Once I realized the days don't quit
I quit the days instead
Tore the calendar pages up
And lit fire to the rest
Every day, the same day
Every waking moment wasted wondering
Where did I go?
Where did I go?
Where did I go?
I never let go
Years later I'm still repeating,
"It shouldn't be, it shouldn't be this way"
The dust settled and when it cleared
I couldn't find my place
Every day, the same day
Every waking moment wasted wondering
Where did I go?
Where did I go?
Where did I go?
I never let go
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BAD MOVES Washington, D.C.
2015-2025
Emma Cleveland
David Combs
Katie Park
Daoud Tyler-Ameen
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