A Tale Of Two Lives... And Maternal Family Superstitions

 

We went to a new place, The Son, The Daughter and I, called "TORTAS PAQUIME", it was good Mexican Street Food on The Cheap.  Each Taco Order came with Four Street Sized Tacos, Above was the El Pastor and Below was the Carne Asada.   I also had the Mexican Street Corn and an Horchata, which was very creamy and delish, everything tasted as good as it looked and a fraction of the cost of most places, we'll definitely go again.   Us Three ate there and took the rest Home to Share with The Man and The Young Prince.  I'd called in to Work before Noon, to say The Man was too Sickly for me to Work Tonight, which, he is. 

Steven, our Manager, when he set up all these Shifts for me to fill-in for, knew it was subject to change without much Notice depending on how my Husband was doing after the Heart Attack and Surgical Recovery from it.  Everyone knows my Situation at Home means I give Family the Priority and there's a lot going on at any given time.  Which is precisely why I won't obligate myself to take on a permanent Shift anymore actually.  I can't make commitments like that right now.  But they appreciate that I often fill-in when they can't get anyone else on short Notice too.  I don't live far away and can take on a random Shift called in Sick or just doesn't show up.

The Man is less Anxious knowing I called in and cancelled filling-in, he wasn't wanting me to go and I knew it.  When he's really feeling bad he knows I'm the only Driver and doesn't want me gone so that if there was a Medical Emergency, we'd have to rely on Paramedics, the Fire Dept. or an Ambulance.  That would also mean going to the nearest Hospital within sight of our Home which isn't the best ER, we go to the one a little further away which Specializes in Heart Attacks and Strokes, has an excellent ER and isn't packed with as many Street Folk or Folk from Da Hood.  At most Urban Hospitals it can be a Walking Human Sideshow in the ERs and even a little scary Dangerous.

Here's an Oldie but Goldie of when I first got my Dreadlocks and how Micro-Dreads and Short they were, about the size of pieces of Yarn.  That was Eight Years ago, and some are down to my Ass now and thick as Cigars.   Plus, now I don't have 60 of them, I am down to 15 and let most Congo and just grow together for less Care.  If I had let 60 of them get more Mature and individually Phat, I'd have them so thick off my Head it would be Crazy to look at, to Maintain, Style, and keep that many separated.  It's hard to take Pixs of your own Hair, for me it is anyway, so Above is Before when they were Baby Dreads, Below is now they're Mature Dreads and that was taken a while ago so they do keep Evolving.  I like them best in the Below Pix, than even now, coz they were tidier and about the Right amount of them then.

As they keep Evolving I Love 'em, and then get less pleased with the Evolution of them off and on, but, let them just do what they do.  I'm a Lazy Dreads kind of Dread-Head, I don't fuss with them, I keep 'em Clean and mostly keep 'em Separated.  I should have kept more than 15, but hindsight being 20-20, I gotta now wait for New Hairs and instead of letting them combine with an existing Dread, let them form a New Baby Dread I guess.  Right now mine are going thru a messier stage, it happens, I don't get too fixated on it, they constantly Evolve as a Hairstyle and I actually do like that about them.  Low Maintenance and they can pretty much take care of themselves in what they Naturally will just do if left alone to do it.

I roll out of Bed and don't have to do a damned thing with 'em.  I can have the Wind blow a Gale thru my Hair and not worry about it coz it just Locs 'em up better to get Knotty.   The only thing The Man says if we have all the Windows down in the Truck is, if one whips at him, it's like being beaten with a Cat O'Nine Tails.  *Bwahahahaha*   In fact, in most Prisons they make them Cut them off or they could be used as Weapons coz they're strong as any Rope.  I could Strangle you quite effectively with one wrapped around your Neck.  *Winks*  If one gets stuck in a Chair, being as long as they now are, it can lift it off the Ground!  *LOL*  A thinning skinnier one can break off and look like a Dead scary Hairy Caterpillar. *Smiles*  But the really Phat ones ain't breaking off now, too Mature, cutting them damned near Impossible too.

The Son spent most of the day doing Yardwork and prepping for Irrigation, then they Texted him from SRP that it's changed Date to the 4th!  He was okay with that becoz all the Kids had Plans with Friends around 5:00 p.m. and Irrigation was slated originally for 4:00 p.m..  So, he's now gone to Volleyball, about a Dozen of his Friends meet on some Wednesdays to play at the YMCA.  The Daughter's Friend Danae came to pick her up to go out and have a good time.  And Princess T has Rusty picking her up to go out.  So, only The Young Prince is Home with us Tonight it seems.  It's a good thing I did call in to Work and cancel then, coz I can't really leave those Two Home Alone together and have a Peace that the coverage of Caregiving is Fine.  *LOL*  Short periods of time The Grandson could oversee Grandpa, but, it's like the Blind leading the Blind if you left them alone very long.

This is the only Pix that The Young Prince has with both his Dad and his Paternal Grandpa, who is a very Weto Hispanic too.  His Gramma Lydia is a very Dark Hispanic with some Black Puerto Ricans in her Family.  The Grandpa lives in Cali and many Years ago The Grandson would go visit him and the Family his Grandpa has now, often with his Dad and his Aunt Stephanie.  It's been many Years tho' since that's happened.  His Gramma Lydia lives here in Phoenix, she's been Unwell for Years with what can be a Terminal Illness, Type C Hepatitis.  She's had it for a long time, her 2nd Husband Died of it, and he looked so fit but Died Young from it.  We liked him a lot, he kept Lydia more grounded, she's a Wild One.  The Young Prince couldn't visit his Paternal Gramma unsupervised coz of her lack of any appropriate judgment. 

 

Her Kids, all Three of them, pretty much Raised themselves.  I get along with Lydia just Fine, but not everyone does coz she can be volatile.  And she has her Lifestyle, which, I knew what it was, but figured my Grandson didn't.  As it turned out, Genius Boy, with his 148 IQ had figured it all out before he was even in School.  I only found that out much, much later when he was almost Grown, that he always knew, but never Judged her.  She belongs to The Streets.  And her Grandson is Okay with that, he is a very Non-Judgmental Person like I am and I worked with a lot of folks in my Ministry Work that belonged to The Streets.  Mebbe it's why his other Gramma and I always got along so well and she never, ever, had problems with me, and, she Adored our Daughter.  The Daughter belongs to The Streets too and has no Shame in her Game.  Her and Lydia are so much alike, similar Mental Health Diagnosis too. 

The Daughter can relate very much to Lydia, even tho' they're a Generation apart.  She jokes that every actual Relationship they've ever had with someone, that person was trying to Play "Captain Save A Ho".  In many ways the Two of them remind me of Female Comedian Luenell, whose very Open in her style of Comedy of belonging to The Streets.  Luenell is a Comedian and Actress and if you've never caught her Act, you really should, she's absolutely HILARIOUS.  "Town Business" is a Comedy Special MUST SEE.  The Daughter and Lydia can be equally hilarious with their Stories about their Vida Locas... sometimes Comedy is born from a Life of Tragedy and Pain, coped with by a Wicked Sense of Humor and perspective about it all that is a Rare Gift to turn it into stuff folks can Laugh about, no matter how tragic.  Even their worst Stories they can make hilarious Comedic Stories about in the telling of it.

Anyway, The Daughter and The Son always do say my Stories rival their own and they could be Right?  *Winks and Smiles*  I have had a Colorful Life to be sure, especially during my wayward wasted Youth of it, but I balanced a Vida Loca Personal Life with being a Bank Executive and then working for a 2nd Career at the DA's Office, quite a juxtaposition.  I always did joke that Dark Dawn had a Life and Dawn Of The Light had a Life and they intersected seamlessly my entire Life they Shared.  *Winks*  Dark Dawn made some very risky and bad decisions, while Dawn Of The Light made some very good decisions that balanced everything out Miraculously just Fine, and kept me among the Living.  *Bwahahahahaha*  In many ways it's a Tale Of Two Lives I've led.  And I'm transparent about both, even if it can shock some folks to be Open about your Darker Side of Life, which, often has the Best Stories tho'.  *Winks*

I'd venture to say that us Crazy Folk often have some of the BEST Stories, coz you can't make that shit up!!!  *Winks*  You really can't, it's often unbelievable when WE think about what we've done or been thru and are still here!   The Man likes to Joke that he's been thru many Wartime Situations, in a Special Forces Assignment way most of the time, so he got some Stories.   And some of what I've been thru or been unafraid of having to go thru and moved thru without showing Fear, he would give Pause about himself.  *LMAO*  Seriously, I've taken him to Neighborhoods I've Lived and places I've done Ministry Work in and he's like, I wouldn't dare to go there if you weren't my Backup Honey.  And he's been in Wars and Serious Dangerous Situations where folks were intentionally trying to Kill him! *Bwahahaha*  As a Sniper in Vietnam, he had a Thirty Thousand Dollar Bounty on his Head in 1970!  And I Joke, Damn Honey, for Thirty Grand in 1970 I might have Killed you myself to Collect!  *LMAOROTF*

Every Decade when they did Census I'd Sign Up and got Paid handsomely to go do Census in the parts of the City, or where the peeps who Belong To The Streets are, that they couldn't get many to go Count them in.   Yeah, I'm Crazy enuf to do it I guess.  Mostly coz, some of them be my People.  My Tribe, so to speak.  *LOL*  Some of them only have the misfortune of Living La Vida Loca all the time with no relief from it.  I've been Homeless before and I've Owned and lived in a Million Dollar Listing.   I been considered Rich and I been considered Poor, Rich is better.  Sometimes and usually quite often actually, Poor isn't a Choice.  Many who've never been Poor have no Point of Reference to know and realize that.  Poverty tends to be a Hand Dealt that is very difficult to Escape out of.  Just like Obscene Wealth is never Earned, no Billionaire ever got to be one Working to 'Earn' it.  Billions aren't EARNED!   Below Meme incapsulates how one obtains Billions.

I've found some good Memes lately, either from other Bloggers or from my Algorithm Feeds, which know me better than ya'll even do.  *Winks*  I don't mind the Algorithms, tho' I know how Sinister their development was intended for from a Psychological standpoint to exploit the masses of a Capitalist Society that has run amok and Worships the Almighty Dollar rather than any God.   I always said, in my 1st Corporate Life in Banking, when I ran Collections, Foreclosures, and Bankruptcy Departments for Major Financial Institutions and protected their Interests in their Bad Loans, as a Fixer of what goes Wrong, and to mitigate Losses due to what went Wrong in that Industry's Portfolio of Loans... I didn't Care or Listen to what you TOLD me your Priorities were.  All I had to do to KNOW what they were, is look at your Checkbook or your Financials. 

If your Priorities were People First, then Money, then Things, it would reflect that Order of Priority... or any mixing around of the Three.  EVERY time and without exception.  Just like nothing sorts folks out quite like Trouble, which shakes 'em out EVERY time and without exception too.  It's not Rocket Science at all.  And when there's a Serious Societal "Problem" that hasn't been Fixed, ever... you almost always have to just Follow The Money... and it will explain Why... and Who is Involved in Leaving it that way and benefitting most from it Staying that way.  All the Lip Service or Excuses trying to Spin it any other way is just pure Bullshit.

The Man has been spending most of the day being morose.  Hard to know how to Cheer him up and navigate thru more limitations he's having to accept.  Along with the rest of us trying to have some strategy to help him rehabilitate, if we can pull that off again?  It has to be quite depressing and he's not one to Talk about stuff, he just doesn't and won't, he's always been a Man of few Words.  But, I also can't run with a Generic "I don't Feel Good" complaint from him Daily, that isn't specific enuf to warrant yet another expensive Trip to the ER or Hospitalization either.  If he won't drink his Water, his BP drops, he Hates Water and has been told for Years he MUST drink more of it to avoid Dehydration and Blood Pressure Issues.  He doesn't wanna put in the Work to regain his Leg Strength coz it's Hard.  But, if you don't Use it, you risk Losing it.  And once Mobility is gone the decline tends to be rapid and compounding.

Plus, he does crave the Attention that "Not Feeling Well" has afforded him and one can become somewhat Addicted to all that personalized Attention and therefore resist trying to Be Well.  I went thru that with my Mom, if she wanted Attention, she often Magnified her ailments or how she Felt, coz then everyone was making her the Center of Attention.  And tho' both she and The Man had legit illness, magnifying it and exaggerating it can fail to incite pity and arouse only irritation after too many False Alarms.  Not only for Loved Ones, but even for Medical Professionals.  If someone is coming in too often for much ado about nothing, then you can miss something Serious becoz it's assumed it's another Cry of Wolf that didn't Warrant Emergency Care.  

I got a Rotisserie Chicken for the Three of us Tonight for Dinner, and a Cheese Tray with Crackers for The Man, so now he's Happy as a Clam at High Tide again, no more Dramatics.   I do monitor him closely to ensure his Health isn't crashing again, but most of the time he needs to just hydrate, put his Legs and Feet up to prevent Swelling, and do his minor Exercises to start building up Strength.  Doing what he can and stopping when he can't, Simple as that.  But nobody can do it FOR him, that's Self Work and you have to Motivate your own Self to reach Wellness with the Determination and Desire to Be Well, for as much as is possible or probable.  In your 70's and beyond, shit is gonna start wearing out and breaking down, but, you can keep Active Mentally and Physically to try to stave off decline as much as is possible or probable for you.  It's up to you.

The Rotisserie Chicken was really good from "Fry's" and like the ones we used to enjoy from "Boston Market" before they went Belly Up.  I miss that Chain, I liked their Food.  They had unpaid Taxes, unpaid Rent, unpaid Employees and Vendors, so had Lawsuits and Seizures, which led to mass Evictions.  They had chaotic Management and didn't pivot as they should... but, Locally the Quality of their Food and Value was always exceptional compared to competitors.  So, it's a shame to me they failed due to how they were being run and perhaps not being as popular as the crappier competitors, who had better Quality of how they Honored their Obligations and Strategies.  

 

Severe Financial Issues and Corrupt and Poor Leadership can Tank any Business or any Country for that matter.  We're seeing that in Real Time in America due to Poor and Corrupt Leadership.   And nothing being 'Sold' to the American People at all, so they don't know what's going on, it changes constantly, coz this Administration doesn't seem to know what they're doing except Wreck everything and leave carnage in their wake while raking in record profits only for themselves thru how they're making every decision about a Long Con and Big Grift, or cozying up to Bad Actors who clearly are bribing them and Buying them, so, we know we're being Sold Out.  If you don't you're naive.

Well, Alex, the New Guy, asked The Young Prince out Tonight, so now it's just The Man and I with the House all to ourselves.  I'm REAL glad now I didn't accept that Shift and cancelled doing it.  I wouldn't have had coverage for The Man and he can't be left Alone.  Granted, one of the Kiddos would have taken one for the Team and cancelled their Plans to cover for me, but, now it wasn't necessary.  I want them all to de-stress themselves from how Stressful everything has been for us all.  They're all Young and Need to have Fun and do their own Thing and have a Life.

I was so angry when our Landline Phone rang at 3:00 in the Morning and the Caller I.D. said it was the City Of Avondale, but there was nobody on the other end when I picked up!!!  Woke me out of a sound Sleep and then I had trouble going back to Sleep, wondering WTF that was all about?!  Of coarse a lot of Spam Calls now come in with Faked Caller I.D. to try to trick you and your Phones Anti-Spam Device so that you'll pick up.  But, this Rang several times, announced it was The City on Caller ID, and then nobody there, so I hung up but then was up and startled Awake.  Any Call coming in at 3:00 a.m. usually means some Emergency or very Bad News, so it gets your Heart to Racing.  And, 3:00 a.m. is the Witching Hour too, the barrier between Worlds being the thinnest.  So, a part of me wondered if it was some 'Sign' from supernatural forces, like someone Beloved whose Crossed Over or gonna Cross Over that very Day?  That's a Superstition passed on by my Mom's Side of the Family.  So all Day I will be waiting to hear if someone close to me has Died now!!!!

And then of coarse my Mind went to a couple of Friends of mine who are very ill and might have Passed or will be Passing soon, like my Friend Kathie in Texas, whose on Home Hospice.  Or if all the Kiddos were okay and accounted for, since everyone had gone out last Night and everyone wasn't back Home yet.  I'll have a Peace when everyone is accounted for.  I'll keep you Posted, probably in the next Post, if someone did indeed Cross Over as it's been an Omen my Family Maternally Believe in.  If you get a Phone Call or Knock on the Door at exactly 3:00 a.m., and nobody on the other End of the Call or Door, it means someone is gonna Die that day.  

My thoughts went in too many directions to go back to Sleep tho'. My ADHD Mind kicks into hyperdrive when something creepy happens that is unexplained and just Weird and unsettling.  If it's nothing, Fine, just a Weird coincidence and I don't want it happening again.  Who wants some Mystery Call at Three in the damned Morning waking you out of a Sound Sleep too often??!!!  Nobody ever!!!  We'd gone to Bed early too since all the Kiddos were gone, so the House was so Quiet.

 

Anyway, except for Emergency Services I wouldn't think the City would have their Phones Manned at 3:00 a.m. either?!   And, it's typically not a Time when a Spammer would try to contact you either really with telemarketing or the usual Spammy Call.  Enough about that coz now it's past 6:00 a.m. and I have to be up for to take Princess T in to Work.  As far as I know we have nothing on the Calendar Today and no Home Visits for The Man's Care.   Expanded Services are needed, but it means you have to be Home all the time and keep your Days Open to receive them coming to the House.  Often they don't have a specific arrival time, it's a Window of a few Hours, since, they have several Clients they go to, with Traffic and how long the other Client might need them to be there, it at least makes sense.  Nurse Remi is usually the one closest to coming almost on the Dot of 11:00 a.m. every Tuesday, she's punctual, but spends a lot of time with The Man during any visit.

He really enjoys Nurse Remi and she has such a Maternal way about her that he listens to her advice and doesn't shut down.  So, we joke that it's like he has Two Wives now looking out for him.  *Bwahahahaha and Winks*  It's a long standing Joke coz of The Man being LDS.  Back when he first Married me I had Two Single Girlfriends that used to attend all the Sporting Events on Base that his Squadron held and played in.  The Man was very Athletic back then so he was in all the Squadron Sports and all his Military Friends thought we ALL were his Wives and he played along with it.  Most folks didn't know the difference between someone LDS and someone FLDS so they thought all Mormons had Polygamy.  *LOL*   So, my Friends Tina and Leigh played along and each of them had a Daughter, I had The Daughter and The Son, his Friends were like, you Mormons sure don't mind taking on all them little Kids!!!  *LMAOROTF*

To be Fair and Honest, he didn't mind Kids, and Raised Two Generations of them that weren't his Biological Spawn, but you'd never know it.  He has never referred to them as "Stepchildren" and they've never referred to him as "Stepdad" or "Step-Grandfather", we don't use those Terms.  I don't think them to be necessary Terms even tho' far too many people do.  It made me cringe when my Friends who had Adopted Children would have people ask, usually even in front of the Kiddos, if they were their "Real" Children!!!   WTF?!   Well, they're not "Pretend or Fake" Children, of coarse they're "Real"!!!   But you know what they mean or insinuate and it's ignorant, inappropriate and offensive to the Families.  

Some of my Friends Adopted Foreign Children of a different Ethnicity than they are.   So, if you see a White Couple with a Child of Color, it doesn't always mean both Parents aren't Biological anyway, perhaps that Child(ren) were from a previous Relationship.   My Kids aren't White and so quite often they'd be asked if The Man, who is White, was their "Real" Dad!?  I was used to my Family being asked that a lot about me too, or if I was Adopted, coz my Parents were an Interracial Couple, and, I came out with the Light Hair.  I had Dad's Darker Complexion, which I was Darker as a Child, but I was very Blonde and all the rest of my Family has Blue Black Hair, including my Younger Brother and Mom.  And I didn't speak with an Accent like my Foreign Born Mom, whose 1st Language wasn't English.  So, it would confuse people all the time.

Oddly, when Raising The G-Kid Force, most folks assumed we were already their Parents and not their Grandparents, which was just flattering really. *Smiles*  At our Age it would have been nothing short of a Miracle for me to still be Breeding!  I was Old and had a Hysterectomy!  Even tho' Old Men can still Father Children.  *Bwahahahahaha*   And it took 15 Years before I was forced by the State to actually Adopt them and now can say, Yeah, I'm MOM, Legally, but, also, Gramma Really.  And they still call their Mom their Mom, tho' "Legally" now she's their Sister and their Uncle is now their Brother... but Grandpa is still their Grandpa coz he wasn't allowed to Adopt coz of his TBI and Disability Status.  *Ha ha ha*   

They have never called me Mom, I'm still Gramma.  The Adoption to us was a formality forced upon us by the State and the ever changing Laws about Kinship Placements, but not actually necessary in our opinion.  We'd always had them and Raised them, regardless of our Societal "Labels".  Now that all of them are Adults, people just get more confused when they're calling me Gramma in Public or calling their Mom their Mom.  Still flattering tho' coz we're always told we don't look Old enuf to be that to them.  The G-Kid Force Point out peeps looking and acting way more Geriatric than me, holding the Hand of a Toddler who IS their Oldest Grandchild, and saying, well, Gramma, that's Why!  They could be Right.  I've mistaken some Old Folks Grandkids for being their Great-Grandkids, Oooops.   Coz in my Head the Math isn't adding up as to how they Look way Old to have Grandkids that Young still, when ours are Adults already and sometimes this Gramma is much Older than me.

No, Seriously, if someone is in their 70's or 80's I expect their Grandkids to be Grown now, not a Toddler.  So, see, I'm making my own inaccurate assumptions.  *Smiles*   I do hear that many Grandparents say they can't keep pace with their Grandkids for more than an Hour or Two and I have to Laugh since I Raised some of mine.  So, was with them 24-7 and 365 and I kept pace, when you have to, you just do and don't have the option of Tapping Out and handing them back early if you've had enuf fun.  *Ha ha ha*  But, now mine are Grown and we're in Great-Grandkid Territory, I know I'd lag some for the Long Haul with a Little One.

  Tho', Oddly, the Teen Ones don't bother me as much as Teens could in the Past.  Teens can have so much going on Hormonally that it can be like Dealing with a Menopausal Woman or a Man going thru Midlife Crisis.  *Winks*   And wrapping up this Post, Below is a Drone View looking down on our Property, looks so purdy from Above... we're so fortunate to Own this Property, we Love it.  It's a rarity to have this much Personally Owned Green Space and Land in Urban Metro Phoenix Area Arizona.   And finishing out the final Chapter of Life here is Good.

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

I Can Take My War Paint Off For Now... Ooops No I Can't!!!

I'm only a couple Blog Posts ahead now so I'm gonna get busy with it.  *LOL and Winks*  It's been nice to have a few Unpublished ones hanging out there and Posting when Scheduled without me being here behind the Screen.  It's been busy but I do carve out some Me Time Online when I can't carve out Me Time outside of Home, which, is more challenging these days as The Man's Health and Appointments demand more of my Time and limited Resources.   I'm getting buried in Paperwork from all of it, but so far everything has been covered, so that's good, no Battles to wage on that Front at least.   So I can take my War Paint off for now, since I've remedied the T-Mobile Fiasco and Battle waged with that Company. *Whew* 

 They got Paid so they're Happy, I finally got a compromise we both could live with, so I'm Happy.  Everybody's Happy!  Coz when I ain't Happy, ain't Nobody gonna fucking be Happy!   I Share that robbing of Joy Forever and Ever if you're gonna make me Unhappy and compromise or threaten my Joy, you hear me?!  *Winks*  I must say the Two Young Ladies I dealt with last at T-Mobile were exemplary and on top of their Game.  They also were not in Agreement with what the Company is doing forcing folks to use Apps and not generating Paper Billing for Clients who still want that method of paying.  I don't use Apps, I don't wanna use Apps, it eats up Data and then you get charged for more Data Storage, it's intentional extortion the way I see it.  I already pay too much for Phones & Service!

We did find out we get some Free TV Channels via our Phone Plan, who knew?  Becoz I ain't getting a fucking Bill, that's why I didn't know!!!  But, The Young Prince grilled the Gals on what Freebies our Plan is offering us that we don't know about coz we're no longer getting Receipts showing what's on our Plan that we're on.  I don't think anything is actually 'Free', coz the Plans are all expensive.  Even the Military Discount Plan we're on ain't Cheap, but it's Cheaper and has Two Free Lines for the Two Grandkids.  So, I didn't really wanna lose that Plan or Benefit for them, they use those Phones a lot more than The Man and I do.  But there's some Movie Channel they're giving us Free right now so that was good to know, I think it may be NetFlix.  So, I wouldn't have had The Son or the Niece paying for Months had I known that Fact!

The Man loves his Walker I got him from the "Goodwill" Yesterday for Five Bucks, it's a really nice one and Walking Height so he doesn't have to bend over to Walk with it.  So, now we don't have to ask the VA to provide one for him.  The Laws Of Attraction were Activated when I spoke the Words that I Needed one and there it was, the 1st "Goodwill" we went to.  They didn't even have it priced and so the Young Man I asked to price it for me gave me a Hood Hookup on it and Winked when I said, that's all?!  *Winks Back*   Plus I got 20% Off that Price with the Coupon my Vendor Friend John had let me take a Screen Shot of while we bumped into him and his Wife there and stopped to chat.  I like John and his Wife, they HATE their Retirement Community HOA, which are The Devil.  As most HOA's are.

John is White but his Wife is Hispanic and he said his HOA is very Racist and harasses all the Residents of Color, who are few, coz it's an exclusive and expensive Community.  But John Retired from Frito Lay where he's worked for Years and has a great Pension Retirement.  So he wanted a Lakeside Community and didn't mind paying more for it.  But he said his Wife gets harassed all the time and so does an Elderly Black Male Neighbor, they get stopped by the HOA People all the time asking what they're doing in the Community!!!!!!!!!!!  As if they aren't Residents and therefore look Suspicious by Virtue of just their Skin Color!!!  Oh, John has confronted the HOA about it numerous times coz both she, his Wife, and that Neighbor still get stopped and asked what they're "Doing There?", and by now the HOA knows they are Residents of the Community!  John said if it wasn't so expensive and a hassle to move, they would.

John knows the affluent Subdivision Hell we owned the Villa McManse in was Racist like that too, so me and the Grandkids were always given a hard time while living there.  The Man wasn't, coz he's White, and our very Sweet Elderly Black Neighbors next door suffered even worse discrimination than us.  They had Rocks thrown thru Windows with Racist Notes attached and their Front Yard Vandalized.  And so did our Dear Young Friends across the Street, who were a Couple from Sri Lanka, get harassed constantly and have Threats made.  And both of those Families were decent Neighborly folks, owned the most Expensive Three-Story Villa's that were over 7,000 sf in the whole Community!!!  They could afford to live there, had Paid over a Million for their Properties and were Corporate Executives in their Careers.  But, the Community really was a lot of White Fundamentalist Christian Types with Bougee Careers, who were openly Racist and Pretentious as fuck, the HOA were The Devil, so, it's why we Sold and Moved eventually. 

I Battled them Fuckers for over Five Years and as soon as I could Turn that piece of Real Estate and Sell it to an Air B&B Party House Investor *winks... Yes, on Purpose*, I Sold it to them and Cashed out my Profits.  I'd only bought the damned ridiculous sized Luxury Property coz I got such a Steal on the Price when the Luxury Home Market had tanked, and I needed to get my Grandkids Adopted.  The Adoption Board wouldn't approve our Historic Home as "Suitable", coz it had Lead Paint and was over 100 Years Old and "Substandard" by their Standards and Criteria coz we didn't have it completely Restored yet.  CPS had no problem with the Kiddos being placed there since Birth tho' and living there 10 and 15 Years respectively as a Kinship Placement, and not compensating us a dime to Raise them, so, go figure!!!  The Home was Paid for and was supposed to be our Forever Retirement Property Debt Free.

But, I digress, bumping into John, with his now failing Health, he's having to downsize even his Retail Spaces at the Mall and Close out some he had at other Antique Mall Locations coz he's too sickly now.  So I know he doesn't wanna keep Fighting the Good Fight and making Good Trouble in that Retirement Community they're stuck in now.   His Wife being Hispanic, tho' she's a Mexican American, she worries about the whole ICE Raid bullshit every time they're out and about now anywhere, even going to Doctor Appointments for John.  Coz, many Spouses have had their Partners of Color picked up and just Racially Profiled whether they're American Citizens or not and Legally here.  It's a worry now with this Racist Regime legitimizing Racism and ramping it up again.  Even our Native American Friends have been stopped by ICE and some have been detained even showing Tribal ID... and the Indigenous are the only Non-Immigrants in this Country!

Actually, many of my Mexican American Friends go back Generations before America bought these lower States from Mexico.  So none of their Ancestors had to cross a fucking Ocean to get here, they've ALWAYS been here and have a Right to remain here!!!   My Friend Pauline can trace her Ancestry to Arizona back over 10 Generations.  So she gets really angry when anyone tells her to go back where she came from, she says, I came from here Motherfuckers, we've always been here, where have your People originally come from?  Coz it's NOT HERE!  Usually she said it's some Racist Person who just assumes America is White... and Christian... and... it's not and it never has been.  It's American, made up of many different Ethnicities and Demographics now and many Religions, or Freedom From Religion, and it's that Freedom and Opportunity we wanna Protect and Cherish.  It's why everyone always wanted to come here.  You get so tired of telling ignorant biased folks those Facts!!!

I feel badly for anyone feeling trapped in a Situation, Area, or around People they are constantly having problems with thru no fault of their own and about things they can't do anything about.  There's not much you can do about other folk's Biases, Hatreds, and Prejudices, they are who they just are.  I don't wanna Live around them either frankly, becoz it's stressful to have all that Hatred, Bias, Prejudices directed and projected at and against you.   When you're just trying to Live Life in Peace, with Love and in Harmony with all around you.   It can be quite dangerous too becoz Hateful People tend to commit atrocities and violent acts that they feel quite justified to commit.   And History has shown us time and again how Deadly that can become against their Victims and who they're Targeting and want to Eliminate.   It's almost never Harmless and rarely is Safe either.  I don't want my Family Unsafe or to come to Harm over whose around us that poses any Danger.

The Young Prince got up really Early, I know he's Anxious about this Social Security Disability Interview and doesn't know what to expect since previous ones have never gone Well.  And he's always been Denied in the Past no matter how much he should have easily Qualified, you almost always have to Appeal and so he and Allen didn't know how to go thru all that, I have Experience at it, loads of Experience at it, too much Experience at it in fact.  So I go in preparing for Battle.  The Best Case Scenario is I don't Need to go to War with them and they just Approve him.  *Winks*  Worse Case Scenario I will bury them in Appeals becoz we have nothing to Lose and they've given us nothing to Lose.  I can become the worst Nightmare of anyone choosing to Deny Services to someone I'm Advocating for and Caregiver of that desperately Needs them and shouldn't have ever been Denied them.  I don't Care what Flavor of the Month they want you to Be.

I frankly don't know how Disabled you have to be for them to Qualify you actually???  It's all quite a Crap Shoot.  Coz it can get Bat Shit Crazy, Donnie Two Dolls Crazy, and... sometimes it's just not Crazy Enough for The System!!!   Back when I Applied for him when he was a Teenager, back when instead of Writing his Protective Symbols in just Chalk all over the place at our Home, he was often using his own Excrement to do it all over his Furniture, Walls, Bed... I took Photographs for Proof, the Social Security Shrink thought that wasn't Crazy Enough!!!  Why?   Coz back then he could still Feed himself, Bathe Himself and Dress Himself!  He couldn't be Educated coz Schools wouldn't accept him since they considered his level of Mental Illness too Extreme, that didn't matter.  He couldn't take his Psyche Meds anymore by Age 15 coz it was shutting down his Kidneys and Liver, so his assigned Shrink had to take him off of them.  

Which is why things were unraveling so much, I had an Unmedicated Seriously Mentally Ill Teenager who was Self-Harming all of the time, had been turned away from every type of School so was being Denied an Education too!!!  I couldn't Manage him without Help coz he was full sized by then and Strong as most Adult Men, sometimes Stronger when completely Psychotic, coz they got that Whacko R Strength {insert now Taboo Forbidden Word, LOL}!  He wasn't receiving maximum Services, but, Social Security said come back when he's an Adult and we'll Reconsider his Case.  And so... now here we are!!!  Back Again for Reconsideration... and he's worse now at 25 than he was at even 15.  Now becoz his Food is Moving and he assumes it's Alive, and assumes someone is trying to Poison him, he needs help Eating.  He often needs help with Bathing regularly and with Dressing and maintaining proper Hygiene and Sanitation of himself and of his Living Areas to keep them Safe and him Safe and properly Cared for.  We've moved on to Chalk Protective Symbols instead of Protective Symbols in his own Shit, so, that's Progress I Guess... *Eye Roll and Sighs, we Celebrate the Small Victories*

And I Swear on the Holy Bible that this time he's coming with a Check coz I'm sick and tired of him being Denied any way to Survive except on the Charity and Mercies of Family and Friends alone, and for all of his Life!!!  I'm not gonna become an Immortal so when I'm Gone, he won't have any means of being Supported and Cared for otherwise.  His Mom can't do it, she's as Mentally Ill as he is and couldn't Raise her Children or Care for her own Self appropriately due to her Schizophrenia.  She's had a Hard Life with no Services.  I'm still trying to convince her that "They and Them" won't be waiting at Social Security to "Get her" and put her away... at least with him he's assured I'd protect him from involuntary Institutionalization.   She's been involuntarily Institutionalized too many times now in America and Mexico to have that kind of Trust in anyone or any Agency that allegedly is providing Help and has only caused her more Paranoia and Mistreatment, sometimes even Abuse, Physical and Sexual, which happens in those places, all the time.

 

So, enuf of that for now, I'm Bracing myself for going too, I Dread it coz it's never NOT an Ordeal and is never NOT Stressful to go thru with them.  If he gets Triggered by whoever the Caseworker is, it can go very Badly, and he's very Grown and Strong now, much more so than he was at 15, so no Hope of Restraining him if they push him into a Mental Meltdown Episode by too much Stress of going thru The Process.  The Home Caseworkers go better coz he's in his Safe Space to do those Interviews and receive that level of Care provided in the Home.  Also, there's not all the Sensory Overload of a Social Security or DES Office or Psychiatric Hospital or Offices.  He doesn't like Doctors, whether it's for Physical or Mental Health, he Imagines them all to be potentially Harmful to him, so he's suspicious of them and doesn't LIKE them.  

So, there's THAT too.   And when he is not LIKING something or someone, it can be an Ordeal to gain any Trust with him about it or them.   He is okay with taking the Psyche Meds he's on and the Anti-Seizure Meds he's on, but both are running out by end of April and he has no Coverage now to receive them.  Ruh Roh, that will be very Bad, both Physically for stopping his Seizures, and Mentally without his Psyche Meds.  So, we do desperately Need both and I'm going to convey we've got less than Two Weeks worth left and he's not been Accepted and Approved yet for anything we've already Applied for.  So, Tick-Fucking-Tock.  If you don't want for things to go totally Sideways, it would be good to push this thru now ASAP and quit dicking around or jerking us around with all the Bureaucrazy involved.  I can't circumvent it all on my Dime anymore, that's just the Reality of the Situation.  

I don't have Magic Fairie Dust and supernatural shit to access like Potions and Healing Spells, or a Wand to Wave over his Ass to Cure him.  This is how he'll be Forever and Ever.  Fervent Prayer hasn't done it.  Unless God starts Curing Serious Mental Illness, which, so far, He hasn't... nor has Modern Medicine and Science.  So, here we are.  I'm not diminishing the Power of Prayer, but I do know some Prayers go Unanswered, so you can't just rely on Thoughts and Prayers.   Any Offered with all sincerity, they are Appreciated, but right now I could use some Present Help for a change.   With Caring for so many Loved Ones who are in dire straits and rely solely on me and whatever I can only provide, which, isn't Enough and will never be Enough to meet any of them at their various Points of Need. 

 I've given Shelter, I put more Water in the Beans to stretch the Food to Feed this many, but I'm not Crazy enuf nor Blasphemous enuf like Donnie Two Dolls to liken myself to Jesus and generate Offensive AI Images on Social Media of myself even trying to perform Miracles.   And feeding the several Thousand with the Seven Loaves and Basket of Fish Miracle hasn't transpired here at Forever Boheme' either for us Six.  I can only Budget usually $200-$300 for Groceries Monthly to Feed Six of us out of our Pension/Disability Income, and sometimes that's a stretch even for me and I'm frugal as fuck and can stretch a Buck far!!!   If he Qualifies even for just the Nutritional Assistance for One Disabled Adult Male, he'd get just over $200 Monthly, which would double what I could do to feed us all, so, that would indeed be Helpful if parsed out.  Of coarse I feed them all anyway, but, I'm not Legally required to feed this many Adult Relatives who have no income, are too Disabled to be Employable, or making Minimum Wages, so can't afford their own Shelter and must live here or be Homeless.

Princess T did feed us well when we were out Yesterday, most of the other Food Porn Images is Old Imagery gleaned from the Food Porn Photo Archives, when Times were better and so we could indulge ourselves.  *LOL*  Those days may be coming to a halt for most of America if things continue to worsen with this shitty Economy he's Created.  And every day when people say, "Is he Dead yet?", he's the only person ever who doesn't even have to be Named and I know exactly who they're talking about... and ain't that pathetic that we now have an American President that probably more than half the Country wouldn't be Sad if he just FOADed?  

  

We'd be Celebrating the Liberation from him and no more Bat Shit Crazy in the White House... coz, perhaps the Sycophants then would not be cowering, kowtowing, bending the Knee and Kissing the Ring, since they will never have a Spine or Balls while he's among the Living, they've proven that unfortunate Fact.  And not done the Job for the American People they were Elected to do to represent us properly rather than being beholden to a Man.   And I do Hope our People can do what the Hungarian People have done to oust their Leadership that was Oppressive and a threat to Democracy in the next Election, we shall see tho'?   There's still so much Wrong and I think American Voters now are just so fed up with it ALL that they want a viable choice they can confidently feel will represent us, ALL of us, not just a selective few who become Cult Members of a President.   And only represent the Fringes on either Side and Extremist Minority in the Country.

The Niece, on the Right in this Pix and dressed in Black, is holding up under Caregiving for her Mom, who is lasting longer than her Expiration Date Docs gave her, but is in the Final Stage of her Fight with Cancer.  Her Bestie, pictured with her, comes over to Help her with the Extreme Caregiving, coz it's definitely too much for one Person and the Home Hospice Palliative Care Help only comes once a Week to Minister to her Dying Mom.   I'm glad to see that The Niece is taking Care of herself, she's Adorbs even without Makeup {see further Below her all Natural and Fresh Faced}, but, they were Celebrating something for her Husband recently, who is away a lot for his Career, so she's often Caregiving AND Single Parenting their Three Children, and so she was all dolled up for this Selfie.  *Smiles*  

 She Shared some Easter Videos of the Kiddos getting their Easter Baskets.  The Oldest Daughter and their Son, whose the Youngest, look like their Dad, but their Middle Daughter is the spitting Image of her Mom at that Age!!!   Takes me back Years to see that one.  {See directly Above}   This Kiddo looks like her Mom Cloned her.  *Smiles*   And her Big Sister and Little Brother look so much like their Dad that it looks like he Cloned them!!!   I watched The Niece grow up so it's Nostalgic for me to see at least One of her Kiddos that looks so much like she did growing up, takes me back.   Loads of precious Memories our Families Share and a long History. 

  I so Miss them and Wish they still lived in Arizona, we could be a Present Help then, coz we've always been Ride or Die and that close to each other's Families.   I am close to their Mom, she's been like a Sister to me even tho' we're not actually Biologically connected.  She helped me out when my Dad was Dying and we Partnered to delay him going in to Hospice and remaining at Home for as long as possible.  I'd like to be there for her as she's Dying in much the same way so she can remain at Home to Die if possible, around Family.  She still looks Beautiful and Radiant even while Battling this Brutal Disease and totally Rocking losing her Hair. But, they do seem to have a relatively decent Support Network of the Niece's Husband's Family and New Friends they've made there in Texas.   Which is where her Husband was from, she met him while he was still in the Military and Stationed here in the Air Force at the Base.  Their Family lived just outside of Luke AFB back then. 

 

Her Siblings have not been there for this Niece or their Mom, and she has Four Older Siblings.  But all live in other States and Three have demanding Careers and so does her Nephew, whose Grown.  One Brother is an Addict, so nobody expects him to surface.   LATER:  Well, Social Security was the Ordeal I thought it would be, different than the Ordeal Process of Twenty Years ago we went thru with The Daughter and my Friend Kathie {the one pictured who now has Cancer and is Dying}, who both Qualified for SSI way back then, and were Crazy enuf they didn't even Need an Appeal, but an Ordeal that is just different now.  Even with a Scheduled Appointment you still get Assigned a Number when you arrive and they don't call any of the Numbers in sequential Order.  After about an Hour our Number got called and you go to a Window where then they Assign you another Number and you wait again until that Number is called!!!

It's quite the Human Sideshow there coz it's the Inner City Location they send you to for SSI Applications and Wow... that's all I can say about what was filing in.  So, our Second Number got finally called and we sat in a not really Private Space in front of another Bullet Proof Window with little Holes to talk thru and the Interviewer asks her Questionnaire.  Even tho' they wanna know how long you've been Disabled, they let you know they'll only pull Medical Records from the last Five Years.  So, you get no consideration for having a Lifetime Serious Disability, which, one would think that would be important in determining extent of Disability, that's it not recent and you've had it since Childhood or that there is no Cure and you'll never get Better??!  But, I gave up long ago trying to figure out criteria for Government determinations of Qualifying Factors. 

They want to know what Medications you take and how it affected you in School {Special Ed, and him not being able to finish School coz his Disability was too profound for any School to Manage}, but, other than that the Questions were very Generic and Basic.  They don't Schedule you {Yet???}, to see any of their Doctors, but said it will take... wait for it... FIVE TO SEVEN MONTHS to Process and Review your Case for either Approval or Denial!!!   Seriously, I don't know what Disabled folks are supposed to do for 5-7 Months in the interim to Survive???   But, that's the time period for them to even get around to your Case now!!!  So, after that whole Ordeal and knowing it could be damned near all of 2026 before we even know one way or another if he's Approved or Denied, he was in Tears!!!  He'd had to put his Noise Cancellation Headphones on to even spend that many Hours there with all those People waiting... many with their fussy Children and lots of Street People.

I needed to Eat coz by then it was Lunchtime before we got outta there, but he was Emotional and unraveling so didn't wanna get out of the Truck.  And had been picking his Skin until it was Bleeding, so I just stopped in the Parking Lot of a "Farmer Boys" location and got it To Go and we ate it in the Truck.  It was Okay, not great, I usually only eat a Breakfast there, which I always like, their Lunch Menu didn't appeal to me that much.  I had a Spicy Chicken Sammie which looked as Editorial as their Menu Pixs of it.  But, they throw everything but the Kitchen Sink on it and call it "Loaded" and I could have done without a lot of what they slapped on there.  I didn't mind the Lettuce, Tomato, or even the Bacon... but they put a Guacamole and a Thousand Island Type Dressing with Cheese also on it, could have done without all of that on my Spicy Chicken.  I'm not a Fan of putting everything under the Sun on my Sammies, Burgers or Hot Dogs. 

 

Their side of Fruit is big tho' for a Side.  The Young Prince could barely eat coz he was so Emotionally distraught, so he brought most of it Home and his Grandpa will probably need to eat it.  Plus, Allen keeps Texting him and dumping how HE Feels on him... which right now The Young Prince does NOT Need.  Nothing he can do about how Allen Feels!  He has to know The Young Prince isn't doing Well and that all the Caregiving and Financial Support now is once again on me, so, I don't Need him winding The Grandson up by dumping his emotional baggage on him.  They're getting a Divorce, that's gonna be Hard, and Allen is the one that wrecked the Relationship in The Young Prince's opinion.  And I still feel that the Caregiving got to Allen and was just too much for someone as Young as him and with their own Disability.   But, they just need that clean break and The Grandson is trying that but Allen isn't respecting that Boundary.  And is holding up the Divorce now too, which is problematic for The Grandson receiving Services while still Legally Married!!!

Anyway, so I got Home to get a Call from the Kidney Specialist's Office, after already waiting much too long to get the EOM Appointment on the 29th of April, they are now Cancelling that one!!!  They said the Doc isn't available on that Morning now so they have to Re-Schedule for... wait for it... fucking JUNE!!!   I told them, you know his Kidneys are failing and very problematic, so waiting 'til the end of April was risky, I don't think he can manage thru June to be seen!  They insisted nothing is open 'til June now... so sorry... but, if his Labs come back really Bad, then they will TRY to Schedule him sooner if someone else Cancels!!!  WTF?!?!!?  I may ask our Insurance if there's another Kidney Specialist they can refer him to?  I'm definitely gonna inform Dr. Pham, his Cardiologist, of this, coz they are worried about his Kidneys too!!!  Every Doc that saw him during his ER Visits and his Hospitalizations was.  His Kidneys aren't doing Well.   So, anyway, just more bullshit and hurry up and wait, just like Social Security!!!  *Le Sigh*

So, forget what I said earlier about I can take my War Paint off for now... Ooops, No I can't!!!   Dammit!!!  Fighting these Battles to get the Services and Care very Ill and very Disabled Loved Ones desperately Need has become a full time fucking Job.  An unpaid Job at that, I'm getting no compensation for all this Caregiving, Advocacy Work, Driving everyone everywhere they Need to go coz none of them can Drive, EVER!!!   And nothing will improve and get Better, so, this is as good as it gets.  So, anyway, at least OUtside it's been a Cool and Breezy 78 Degrees, so quite Lovely out there.  Which, since it was a long Traffic heavy commute back and forth into The Heart of the City, was a good thing.  We had the Windows down on the Truck and let the Wind blow thru our Hairs.  *LOL*   And at least Social Security is behind us for now and I can Focus on what lies ahead yet to get Done... while waiting more than Half a Year for them to get to his Case and make some determination!!!!!!  Good News is I found another SeriusXM SPA Type Music Station Channel called 'Watercolors' that helps me not have Road Rage.  *LOL*

I borrowed this Meme from another Blogger and it's appropriate right now coz I do Feel "Understaffed" at the Moment.  Well, shit, more than just a Moment, I have been Understaffed for fucking YEARS, Decades in Fact!!!  Generationally Understaffed actually.  *Bwahahahaha*  You do have to see the Gallow's Humor in it tho'.  Our Interviewer at Social Security had some very Interesting Tattoos all over her Hands and Arms, at first I thought it to be Mehndi and then realized it was Tattoos that were permanent and quite Unusual markings.  I don't know if they were Ethnic Tattoos, since, they seemed to be either Ethnic or perhaps even Religiously Spiritually significant ones?   Or they could have been older Gang related Tattoos since many were Four Dots, which in Maricopa County is significant for "Crazy Life" {or Three Dots}.  

She had the Tats, especially Four Dots, along with other Symbols in Black, on every Knuckle of her Fingers and in between the Knuckles too, on her Wrists and up both Arms.  I don't know how much further it all went where you couldn't see, since, she was sitting behind a Desk and behind a Bullet Proof Window... with us on the other Side.  She didn't appear to be a Black Latina, but, she could have been affiliated at one time or another with Nuestra Familia or other Maricopa County Gangs.  I know there were a lot of OG Gang Members of my Generation or slightly Younger Sixties Plus Aged, in the Waiting Room.  Some real Hard Cases too, and most of them Disabled quite significantly, but with loads of Prison Flash and Gang Flash, Gang Hairstyles, Hairnets, and Clothing/Accessories of OG Gang Members still affiliated.  That Office has Double Security Guard presence and they Need it, clearly.

Also, don't you know the Parking Lot there at Social Security now wants you to Scan one of those Codes to pay for fucking Parking by the Hour, at Three Bucks an Hour... and you'll be there for Hours!   Three Bucks an Hour to me is excessive for Federal Benefits Parking, it should be Free Parking, plus, my Phone had lost it's Charge so I couldn't Scan that Square QR Code, and so I asked Security about how I'd be expected to Pay?   And he told me, listen, if you don't have a Ticket on your Windshield when you come out, just drive off, I don't think anybody even expects anyone to Pay Up even if they get Ticketed for the Twenty-Five Dollars!!!   Thankfully I didn't have a Ticket so I just drove off and have to Pay either Nine or Twenty-Five Bucks for Parking there.  *Whew*  I mean, most folks going there are trying to get Benefits they don't already have, or are required to Apply for, so why try to price Gouge/Extort them for Parking to TRY to receive them?

I thought he held up pretty good, considering, I think the Noise Cancelling Earphones really Helped.  He just mostly closed his Eyes and had me Tap him when it was our Turn so he didn't have to Hear anyone or See anyone.  He kept telling me that there was a lot of Bad Energy there and his Hallucination Demons were everywhere there walking among the People.  Oy Vey, I didn't Need to Hear that, coz Honestly, even NOT seeing Demons walking about, I could Feel the Bad Energy and Despair, it was palpable.   And I'm not even a Schizophrenic or Paranoid, but, just looking at that Crowd, there was a LOT going on with many of those folks that was visibly Evident.   There was a Middle Aged Asian Lady and an Older Hispanic Lady who had such a Ghostly Pallor to them and Halos in their Eyes that I do see, that meant they were close to End of Life, very Close.  Mebbe they'd not receive their Benefits ever kinda Close to their End.   The Young Prince saw my Face and asked me if I could see "The Dying" Ones, and I said, Yeah, it's real Sad they're having to go thru all this too in that latter State Condition.  

He doesn't see "The Dying" and doesn't ever want to, but he knows I do and can predict it with uncanny accuracy, as could my own Mother.  He knows when I say someone hasn't got long, they don't have long, but you never, ever tell the Person, you're not meant to.  I used to as a Child coz I didn't know any better and my Mom had to tell me you mustn't ever.  I don't know why you should know such things if it has to remain Unsaid, but, whatever... I don't Like Seeing it, but I do and you can't NOT See it.  I Smell it on them and See it in the Eyes especially, but sometimes their Skin isn't Right either.  I've always Wished it would just go away, but it never has.   I don't see Dead People, just the Living that are actively Dying and very Close to Death even if they don't yet know it.  There was at least a few of them there, I tried not to make Eye Contact with them or sit near them, coz Death smells Sickly Sweet.  And it would bother me to be too near them Smelling it.  Not the foul Odor of the Already Dead.   More like Unbaked Bread Dough.

At 3:00 we have to leave for the Cardiologist.  I guess not only did Nurse Remi come, but that PT Guy John came again too while I was Gone!!!  I didn't think he was Approved to come Weekly, guess so, coz he had said it wouldn't cost us anything when he comes, coz he won't come until and unless it's Pre-Approved.   So, he changed out The Man's Foot and Leg Dressing again and liked the Style of Walker I'd gotten him at the Chazza.  Nurse Remi liked it too and both said it was the kind they wanted him to have for around the Home.  It's narrower than his VA Walker and doesn't have back Wheels, just front ones.  The only problem is he bashes around the House in it like he's in a fucking Bumper Car at a Carny Ride!  

I'm like, Honey, be more Careful and Settle Down, you don't have to go crashing around with it like a Bull in a damned China Shop, flinging open Doors into Furniture and shit too!!!   I sit behind our Bedroom Door in a Corner of our Bedroom at my Computer Desk and he flung the Door open so hard it shook my whole Table here and startled me!  He likes using it tho', he has to just Learn to use it less aggressively.  *Ha ha ha*  I notice a lot of Old folks in Walkers and Scooters are Wild as fuck with them tho', I don't know what gets into them, but the moment they have some Medical Device for to remain ambulatory, they lose their Minds.  I should have known The Man would be coz I don't allow him to use those Electric Scooters when we go Shopping coz he's a Danger in one, he'd be running over People and bashing into things!!!  *LOL*  The Son found a couple Tennis Balls to put on the Legs of his Walker that don't have Wheels so it's Quieter and glides smoothly across surfaces. 

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Several Posts Ahead now... Dawn... The Bohemian