Senior Director of Temporal Displacement Engineering at the Institute for Advanced Deadline Postponement. Former Lead Consultant of Strategic Bug Implementation and Comprehensive Feature Scope Creep at the Global Initiative for Overthinking Simple Solutions. Principal Code Whisperer at DeepThought Industries where I specialized in turning 5-line functions into 50-line masterpieces.

Currently the Chief Technology Officer of My Bedroom, overseeing critical operations in horizontal productivity research and advanced pillow-based ideation.

• Advanced Stackoverflow Copy-Paste Architecture
• Quantum Debugging (Schrödinger's Bug - it's both fixed and broken until observed)
• Industrial-strength TODO comment composition
• The ancient art of "Works on My Machine" certification
• Existential Crisis Management for Senior Developers
• Converting coffee directly into React components

Languages I've googled: JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, Java, "How to exit vim"

Frameworks I've had questionable relationships with: React (current obsession), React Native, Flutter, Next.js

Libraries/Packages I import then immediately forget how to use: TensorFlow, scikit-learn, pandas, numpy

Databases that have judged my data modeling: PostgreSQL, SQLite, Firebase, that random CSV Kaggle gave me, Excel (if counts)

Tools that confuse me: Docker (black magic), Git (when things go wrong)

Package managers that have broken my environment: npm, pip, yarn, conda (somehow always conflicts with itself)

"Why write clean code when you can write code that only makes sense at 3 AM?"

Real developers don't plan. We code first, think later, and refactor never.

"In a world of senior developers, be a junior with confidence issues."