I am absolutely done. Try to post anything I need help on and I get downvoted just for asking a fucking question on Reddit. And people are so rude to people with different pronouns like, they/them but especially neopronouns or whatever they’re called, like fae/faer and xe/xem.
Mention my boyfriend is sapphic nonbinary masc? Someone says something absolutely fucking rude about non-binary people and how they hate Gen Z and how I need professional mental help and that they’re “not leftist enough” for xe/xem pronouns and therefore they can’t respect their pronouns.
Some of these people claim to be LGBTQ+ too. For shame. Furthermore, rather than ignore and it respect the person, they say rude shit about my being poly too and how it’s “not natural” and the same recycled homophobic rhetoric from YEARS ago.
I’m done. I’m done, fuck. And people are saying I’m a jerk and a bad person for wanting to leave my boyfriend, as if I should just let myself be sad. People don’t like me, and I’m done being nice. Pardon me, I’m off my meds and very ranty today, but MY GOD I’M PISSED FROM HAVING TO HOLD BACK MY TRUE FEELINGS!
Being poly is for people who are poly.
Being in a committed relationship of any type is complex. Poly relationships have the potential for a higher ceiling of complexity simply by involving more people, but there is nothing intrinsically more difficult about being poly, and if that is where your heart calls you, I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors by denying it. That doesn’t mean you should jump into the first polycule you meet, for the same reasons I would counsel someone against immediately moving in with their first crush: relationship compatibility is complicated and takes a while to suss out. But finding partners who love you for exactly who you are, who support each other and respect each other and want the best for each other? That is worth seeking out, even if it’s hard to find, for mono and poly folks alike.
I think he means that poly needs a mental stability higher than a mono relationship. Like juggling with more things is harder than throwing one thing up and grabbing it when it falls.
I think you have a correct read, which is why I decided to disagree. My point is that being in a relationship of any kind is complex and potentially difficult, especially starting a relationship, but that’s a separate issue from being poly. I don’t think it helps to put off “being poly” until some arbitrary threshold of mental stability, in the same way I don’t think it helps to put off “being trans” until a more convenient time. It’s not the kind of thing that can be put off, it just is, and coming to a more complete understanding of oneself is part of achieving mental stability. I also wanted to draw a distinction between “being poly” and “being in a committed multi-partner relationship”: the former is just a thing you just are, the latter is a complicated endeavor the same way that being in a committed mono relationship is a complicated endeavor.
Is this ragebait?
No, it’s a response to
Polyamory isn’t a privilege to be attained by mental discipline, nor is it a challenging hobby reserved for people with sufficient leisure time. it’s simply a way some people are.
In other words, you disagree with a thesis that polyamory is more exhausting for participants? Have you ever been at poly support groups?
yes, and yes. Poly relationships can be complicated, and being in a relationship with more than two people can be more complicated than being in a relationship with just two people, but they are not inherently more exhausting than mono relationships. Being in a relationship that is an honest reflection of who you are and what you want in life is a great boon, and it’s worth it for poly people to try to make it happen if that’s what they want, for the same reason that it’s worth it for mono folks who want a long-term partner to strive for that, even though that is also a difficult task.