I'm now at the pool and swimming and feeling better sorry for posting so much

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i dont know what ill do if nobody writes me today

i wanted to go swimming but i cant if i just feel like crying all the time

i havent lived enough to have feelings like this

i saw a video yesterday of a couple having their first date and he brought her home and then they hugged real long and they were both glowing and i just want to die

i sent my one friend in this city a picture of my bike that i finally got from my old place and all i want is for her to react to it, but she won't for a few days and she'll tell me that she doesn't look at her phone that much but when we were hanging together on friday she literally deleted her spam mails while we were talking like come on

ive got all the fucking time in the world, barely any responsibilities, i am surrounded by people with similiar interests half the year and i still cant find any friends. and then you go online and read a thousand people writing every day about how they had tons of friends in university and then got married and moved and are now just too busy to socialize ever and that theyve lost all their friends how am i supposed to ever feel good or ok or fulfilled socially i am not a weirdo im just too much of a nerd and too much of a non-nerd to ever fit in anywhere

i just want someone to say good morning and good night to me and to be there for me when i need them and not to be alone all the fucking time. nobody wrote me yesterday. nobody even acknowledged my existence. i dont want to live like this. this is hell. im crying. i dont want to cry alone. i want to cry with other people. i want to cry in someones arms

The country formerly known as east germany

made this soup with roasted vegetables and tomatoes and if anyone wants it theres still half a pot left

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Bluebberry

godfuckingdamnit i just want to live closer to the city center where you can actually get people to come over to hang out. i want to cook for people, i want to make them comfortable, i want to prepare a feast for them, but nobody wants for me to do that for them. i cannot afford to live closer to the city center though, i dont even live that fucking far away, but taking the train for twenty minutes is just too much for people, i take that train every single stupid fucking day but people cant be arsed to take it for one time.

my problem is that i was born poor and was then subjected to an education that only rich people are supposed to get, because rich people have been thought to shut out the bare outside world. i don't have that privilege. my education allows me to see the world for what it is and all that it is is ugly and void

modern media has conditioned us to expect immediate feedback at all times. you want food, some shit off of amazon, all the music in the world, all entertainment, all information. you can get it anywhere from within a few seconds to a few hours at most, all the time, day and night, with nothing more than a click of a button. its not particularly surprising that people can't handle real friendships anymore that might require you to wait or expend energy, especially since all of those people you might become friends with are also used to the all the same things we are used to.

capitalism will take everything it can from you and then some

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Smoking weed really didn't help my mental health, but so far not smoking weed hasn't helped it either

I don't really think you can accuse him of just being after the profits if he's making a film about Hiroshima instead of like avatar 4

I just want 80s nostalgia to end....

I wish vegan spam was more of a common thing I'd totally devour that shit

The only thing in life I'm certain of is that we are not at all doing what we are supposed to be doing