Cadmium Colors

by Jamie Paige

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1.
i spend my hours doing alchemy i mix my yellows and my blues to make a shade of green prosaic practice of depravity suspending innocents above their disbelief i wish that i could paint a pretty picture onto everything and leave a mark upon the world that felt like anything but maybe that's the essence of an artist and their legacy just chasing down a sense of infamy put brush to canvas with a pirouette a simple motion makes the consequence intricate all the little nothings and my parapet i hope it's something that you don't forget cadmium red is the ground beneath cadmium orange, everything i see cadmium yellow is the air i breathe cadmium colors painted inside me i can make autumn from a single leaf steal a fine picture like a first class thief make the water work like you won't believe find a new world that can set you free how could anybody ever live like me? i spend my hours doing alchemy i make a life refining zinc inside the smeltery it's not exactly where i want to be but wanting doesn't matter when there's mouths to feed i wish that i could paint a pretty picture of a fantasy and turn a feeling to a living for my family instead i make the metals in the pigments in my reverie and maybe that can be enough for me oh, isn't it funny facing destiny? it's like a knife inside twisting my arteries god, i want for nothing but identity i think that something might be wrong with me cadmium red is the ground beneath cadmium orange, everything i see cadmium yellow is the air i breathe cadmium colors painted inside me antegrade fever, 101 degrees shatter my body with a gentle breeze dammit, i am real and i have my dreams watch me burn brighter 'til i fail to breathe how could anybody ever live like me? (baby, do you know what it's like to die?) (to see the sparkle fade from inside your eye?) i can't remember what it's like to feel autonomy can't even feel it in the moments that you left to me (i don't wanna leave with a work undone) (the paint can barely dry 'fore it fills my lungs) i keep a bullet in the chamber, mocking me but i don't wanna feel it coming out of me i don't want- i spend my hours doing alchemy i mix my yellows and my blues to make a shade of green chasing impossible philosophy and hoping that this poison ain't the death of me cadmium red is the ground beneath cadmium orange, everything i see cadmium yellow is the air i breathe cadmium colors painted inside me i can make autumn from a single leaf steal a fine picture like a first class thief make the water work like you won't believe find a new world that can set you free how could anybody ever live like- (baby, do you know what you wanna hear?) ('cause you can say the word, make it oh so clear) we're all just searching for a sense of solidarity to hold each other close and confiscate our destiny (no one wants to leave with a work undone) (we only need a brush we can pass along) i kept a bullet in the chamber for a rainy day but what's the point in planning for it anyway? i've got too many colors for a shade of grey and i can make it autumn every single day!
2.

about

"i spend my hours doing alchemy..."

a song about wanting to be remembered / to live

watch the mv here - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U6qefKcOrg

credits

released July 26, 2024

saxophone performed by Soneji of Project Mikan - twitter.com/JustSoneji
art by Que - twitter.com/REVERIEQUE
mastered by Marcy Nabors - twitter.com/Shadolith
vocals provided by Synthesizer V Kasane Teto
everything else by yours truly, Jamie Paige!

with special thanks to those subscribed to Jamie's Page:
Alexis
Drake
relia
crows danger
Lee
echo~parallax
Salia Burrows
justisdevan
AlmoJo
chrysanthemum
NIACO
Felicity L.
snowvix
obscureeli
Teffi
kowboat
MiloMiloMeow
sheepy_0
Jack Harvatine
irisbold
Marcy Nabors
KC
Jordan R
tetzio

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about

Jamie Paige Chicago, Illinois

saw wave elemental talking in pictures

aka JamieP

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