I haven’t touched a door handle with my bare hands in years. Paper towels, coat sleeves, the bottom of my T-shirt - whatever it takes.

That’s just a sloppy lowercase I. I do the same thing every time I sign my name.

Because they know that they won’t suffer any repercussions. Our government is going to keep throwing free weapons to them because they’re complete fucking idiots.

Hey an electric blanket instead. It’s somewhat weighted AND scan be used to keep yourself warm.

Queer icon? The dude had a wife.

Wait, does the second one send you back in time or just give you the period accurate gear? It’s an important distinction, I don’t want to risk death or worse in medieval Europe.

Apparently 1 - the entire human race.

Okay now THAT’S fuckin funny.

Phosphorus.

Hold on, let’s hear her out on this whole “burn the Republican party to the ground” plan.

That’s a lifeshort career choice.

I was gonna say, that poor, poor dog.

Because God demands skulls.

I thought that wrench was a chainsaw for longer than I care to admit.

Makes me want a giant pretzel with bier cheese.

Not to be confused with this disasterpiece.

Hedge fund managers aren’t human, they don’t get to complain.

There’s still the Bohemian Club.