A man meets Jesus and says “whoa, it’s Jesus. You’re such a chill dude.” Jesus then grins a malicious grin, points to himself and says “Guess again, bitch. I’m CALVINIST Jesus.” Calvinist Jesus hits the man with a steel chair. He then kicks the man in his lower back while the man is curled into a ball on the ground.


Yeah, they don’t frame it that way, and the more charitable description is that they believe their god knows from your birth if you’ll be someone who is pious and hardworking enough to go to heaven or not. But yeah it’s fucked up