This is why I never ‘take a look at’ friends and family’s tech. Once you touch it all future issues are your fault.

I generally avoid Asian restaurants that don’t specifically advertise as vegan or Buddhist because I’ve received authentic food that was definitely riddled with fish sauce or some form of shrimp even though the staff reassured me it was ‘veggie safe’.

I don’t blame them, a lot of the food is preprepared and I’m the 1 in 100 weirdo that is asking for their most popular dish with all the delicious stuff removed.

I once got an order of pad Thai (no fish sauce, no meat, no egg) that was just oily noodles and cilantro. They even left off the peanuts, probably to be on the safe side allergy wise. I have that soap gene so the cilantro was nearly overpowering.

If I hadn’t been on a date I would have just paid the bill and given the leftovers to the crazy woman that sings to pigeons down the street.

If enough poor people die, I suppose the poverty rate will go down.

Quit throwing these fake Star Trek currencies around!

I can never pee beyond thunderzone because Tina Turner is so intinadating.

That’s why I always wear two pair of socks.

A whole new Moooooom…

Doesn’t everyone?

And, of course, the Imperial Kek is slightly larger in the UK than in the US.

We need a standardized unit to measure this.

GpK: Gallons of water per Kek.

Yeah, by '03 JNCOs were just kind of baggy jeans at Kohls with cringe ‘urban’ embroidery on the back pockets.

Mainstreamers wore distressed bootcut jeans with the goal to look like you had stolen them off a rodeo clown that never washed them. (See also huge belt buckles and straw cowboy hats that looked like they were found at the bottom of a forgotten silver mine.

‘Girlfriend’ jeans started getting popular with skaters, the skinny cut and stretch denim were supposedly easier to skate in than the big baggy jeans that had been popular.

I would cease to exist were I that far from Trader Joe’s.

It just occurred to me that Vance is probably the only VP in history that would hungrily eye the Cuck Chair.

‘Fire, Water, Burn’ by the Bloodhound Gang for the curious.

I would be so pissed if my bus ticket from Newark to Paris was rendered worthless because I couldn’t buy cigars by the bague.

A new life awaits you in the off world colonies!

But, did he ever get busy in a Burger King bathroom?

Willy! What’s that?

Some people, apparently, haven’t heard of the Ancestral Dildo.

Wang! Pay attention!