I HATE YOU
I hate everything about you —
the way you speak, the way you move,
the lingering weight of something left to prove.
I hate you in the morning,
though dawn has only kissed my eyes,
the remainders of these feelings rise, burning.
I hate that your memory greets me with my first yawn,
turning sunlight into shadows,
replaying words that once felt hollow.
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I hate you in the day.
I hate how staying was always a war to wage,
how unworthy I felt on your stage.
I can’t paint a picture where we belong;
your colors always made me feel wrong.
You broke me.
Bent my pride until it knelt,
left me shattered in ways I never thought I could have felt.
And here I lie, still on the floor,
waiting for time to mend what you tore.
You stole my joy, left me a fool,
swearing off love as a self-imposed rule.
I wanted more, but you gave me less,
a cruel game disguised as friends.
Now I stare at the ceiling above,
listing reasons why I hate you.
But call me paradoxical, if you will,
for I hate that I love you still.
I hate those big, brown eyes
that I could lose myself in forever.
The way your image lingers,
a phantom burned into my mind,
laughing at my feeble attempts to rewind time.
I hate how the water streams in my shower,
falling like tears I can’t restrain,
each drop a reminder of the love I can’t reclaim.
And though my heart aches to confess,
I know you’d never care less.
i hate that you live in my dreams.
for you are the reason I laugh at nightmares, daunt, and scream.
the truth is, when I go to bed, I play our moments in my head
then I ask myself, ”why do I even bother?”
for you will never dream of me,
not now, not ever.
It hurts because I thought I was getting better,
but no. Honestly, I was getting clever.
At hiding myself under the shade of a broken umbrella.
I do not believe love begins or ends,
and hatred, too, is an endless thread.
I am stuck in the churning tide of both,
where love and hate battle for the throne,
waiting for my cold heart to turn to stone.
