Thoughts not organized
If you consider yourself as an above-average person at whatever you’re trying to be better at, I bet you’ll relate to this one.
So 2 years ago I decided to pursue MBA, and when you’re targeting an MBA you think of a top-tier college to pursue it and with that, I decide to appear for Common Admission Test or CAT, it’s one of the toughest exams in India to crack. I was in my last semester of graduation and the D-day was approaching fast. But I was also going through my first breakup and was in depression, and that’s the phase I believe gives you a chance to know yourself better. Every time I would sit down to study I wasn’t able to concentrate and would give up rather easily, needless to say, my being depressed had a huge role In it but after 2 years and still trying to crack CAT, I realized that the reason why I'm not able to measure up to my peers or even to my past self isn’t that I'm just not that smart, but because I'm very messy and by messy I don’t mean “room’s not in order ” messy- although that’s also true, what I mean is my thoughts are highly disorganized.
Look I'm smart ok. I'm above average but that changed when I sit between peers who are also above average, and so I'm just average but with a few efforts(like revising what sir taught today in class and practicing extra questions at home) has helped me and even among my current peers I'm pretty smart, I know that I can crack CAT and secure a seat in a good MBA college, but what’s stopping me are these following reasons
- I’m still depressed and kind of want to be in that zone as it gives me purpose and a reason to achieve a life beyond mediocre, but it’s a double-edged sword and I'm standing against the wrong edge.
- Disorganized mind
- Fear
- Ureal world
Today we’ll just talk about problem number 2.
STEVE JOBS
Have you watched his videos on youtube, heard him speak?
noticed how he is very easy and able to convey his thoughts to others. that’s because his thoughts are clear in his mind, he is able to draw a picture organized and beautiful enough in his mind so he can understand what he is trying to convey and pay attention to this picture long enough. Both these points in my opinion help each other in a loop which makes the person better at the task.
What’s the point?
Get REDBOOK’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
The point is that I know what an average (talking about mathematics topic here )is, and I know its logic too since I’ve studied this topic pretty well, I can calculate an average without using its formula (for me it’s a big deal) but all this is only possible when I'm in the “zone” a state of mind when the diagram (logic in pictorial form) is clear and beautiful(beautiful enough so I can keep looking at it for a long time and understand it better and draw more tricks out of it). But in a normal scenario and as lost in it as a child would be in the maze shown in harry potter movie’s third installment prisoner of Azkaban where the last challenge of the trinity cup is held. It’s a dangerous and scary situation.
What are you doing about it?
Well, I'm trying(not my level best) to somehow increase my focus (I think I have ADHD which is had for me to accept because I find calling lack of attention span that, will write a whole different blog about it), I'm trying to read the book(current one-12 rules of life ) but fail to read daily, get myself to follow a routine, it’s tedious and for some as lazy as me it’s way easier to just give up(which I do more often than I would like to admit), trying to quit porn and masturbation- believe me, this little habit is the root cause of 90% problems in everyone's life who does it, and few things here and there.
needless to say, I failed a countless number of times, and with each failure my probability of succeded at it keep on going down(because I'm mentally beat now)
Why are you telling us this?
Simply because I don’t have any other way to let these things out of my system.
my family is very supportive and I'm the kind of person who rarely gets mocked when talking about something serious(that’s how Indian friends let you know they’re your friends)
Also because I'm hoping someone from some corner of the world who is also looking on the internet to find something that he/she can relate to would stumble upon this blog(by miracle) and feel like I have done a decent job I in putting their feelings into words,
I know you there are tons of articles out there, there’s even quora where you can find various people talking about the same thing and it might be better than this blog (which to be frank is highly likely) but for some reason, I just don't connect to them.
LASTLY
The whole idea is to keep things informal here, you don’t need to be polite and kind with your words here, you can use your own words and put them in the manner that you would relate to the most.
So be true, not polite, it’s better to be rude rather than being a liar (a person sugar coating bad things and then telling them is also in my opinion very harmful since the words have the power to move us into doing some action and harsh but true words do that very beautifully but be careful since they can also break you).
I’m not giving a solution because while there may be a standard set of activities to do to over this problem, the magnitude of different activities is different for each individual, so feel free to comment on the activity that you make the most difference for you.
TATA-BYE BYE
