Intentional Loving
Genuine love is intentional. It is not just “I love you” but also “I WILL love you”
Image credit: harvestersng.org
A few months back, I struggled with the pressure of family expectations — from marital expectations to opinions on my fashion choices — and my resistance to this pressure began to border on rudeness. I always had a comeback ready for everyone, including my grandparents whom I lived with and my uncles and aunts. And if not for how we have been intentional about loving and forgiving one other in my extended family, my attitude (mostly borne out of frustration) might have ruined our relationship.
On the day I hashed this issue out with one of my aunties, she apologised wholeheartedly and reminded me that she and everyone in the family loved me and would never judge me for my choices — not even for my mistakes — and that it didn't matter whatever I did or got myself into, it would never affect the depth of love they had for me.
Gosh. These words of affirmation humbled me, and I have never been more proud of and grateful for the kind of family God blessed me with. He gave me the very best to compensate for the rough childhood and teenagehood he knew I would have.
This post, however, is not about my family. It's about love. Intentional love.
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One of my close acquaintances got married recently and when I went into her DM to “awww” humorously about her and her husband’s PDA, her response seemed to me like a backhanded insult. I felt mocked. I felt bad. If it were someone I didn’t care so much about, I would have kept my distance afterwards and eventually cut her off. But because I had nothing but deep respect and admiration for her, I prayed about my feelings instead and prayed for her too. I was insistent on having nothing but love for her, and it has remained so to this day.
In the same vein, I never tire of making excuses for people and giving them room to explain themselves and apologise to me when I value our relationship. When I confront you about something, most times, it is because I have already purposed in my heart to forgive you. Saying it only gives you the benefit of righting your wrongs, a benefit that doesn't extend to people I don't care about or people I choose to stay mad at.
Genuine love is intentional. It is not just “I love you” but also “I WILL love you (even when...).”
It makes provisions for mistakes, for when people hurt us. It makes provisions for when their human inadequacy manifests itself like an ugly pimple on our smooth relationship with them. And it reminds me of the kind of love that God has for me, for us.
He was determined to love us, so determined that He gave himself no room to repent of this love. And so, because the one who knows the end from the beginning saw that Adedamola Kolawole would likely be a strong-willed feminist with coconut head, and that she would likely have to retrace her steps to righteousness one too many times, He paid the ultimate price to cover for my flaws centuries before I was born. This way, not even my weakness would make Him love me any less.
Maybe this makes no sense to you, but it does to me because I can relate to this kind of love. I carry the spirit of the Father, and that is why, even as flawed as I am, I have been able to demonstrate a strong semblance of this love to my friends and family. Also, I have enjoyed the same from my family because what binds us is not our perfection but rather, God’s kind of love that we share; an unrelenting love.
I understand that not many people are as lucky as I am when it comes to familial affection (and, boy, am I eternally grateful for mine!). That is why I wish that you would experience God’s love. His love is enough to compensate for every lack in your life, and this love manifests in many different ways — marital relationships, dating relationships, church friendships/support groups, platonic friendships, flatmate/co-tenant/street neighbour relationships, school/work friendships, etc..
I hope that you experience love in its purest form from these people. And when you do, know that you have just experienced God, for God is love.
Compliments of the season, dear friends. And remember that I love you...
Unless you’re a misogynist or a plagiarist.
