Regarding Estrangement

So, you’re an estranged parent…

How dare your child cease contact with you, despite all you’ve done for them? All your sacrifices and lessons and advice and meals. How dare they set up boundaries and hurl painful comments and unjustified reasons for their distance and silence? All your urges for educational expectations and upholding family values — that family matters above all else. They’ll know the same pain once their children do this to them someday! It’s so ungrateful of them to never reach out on holidays or visit the place where they grew up.

There’s more to the story, isn’t there? Perhaps some missing reasons, one may expect. The ‘trend’ of children — grown adults with self-knowledge and awareness — ‘abandoning’ their parents is no mere trend. It is not happening ‘just because.’ If you think it cruel that they abandon you, then the questions which must be asked is this: what had you, the parent, done in order to warrant your offspring to want to not be around you?

Of course, nothing! You can’t remember anything aside from the good times. Clearly they’re making up all the abuse or neglect or whatever else occurred in the household. And how could they claim anything to be abuse other than what they’re doing to you now — rejecting messages intent on reaching out or invitations to meet up. The silence is cruel and unfair.

What was your relationship with your own parents like? Did you do these same things your adult child does now, or were you more respectful back then? What memories do you…