Member-only story
One Year Later
Regarding a Procedure…
My choice of being childfree (seemingly rare for males?) was solidified at a very early age, before I even knew about conception or childbirth or whatnot. While yes, part of my background around trauma and mental health (things I experienced at the hands of my parents also) influenced my choice, there was also this notion that fatherhood was just something which I never desired. Not like how I desired seclusion and being understood, or a stress-free life. I always just knew from the bottom of my psyche that parenthood was something I should best avoid, and, for better or worse, other events in my life merely supported that choice.
I vowed then around the age of ten or eleven to never sire children. By any means possible I would have a vasectomy preferably around my thirtieth birthday. I didn’t know why I’d chosen this age for this wish, but it just seemed…right. I didn’t know what other life circumstances would arise, but I figured that if I wished hard enough, if I manifested, then this would come true. Cue twenty years of holding onto this wish.
And life happened in the meantime. A license. Graduating high school. Enrolling in university. Having endless conflict with my NVLD and depression despite majoring in music, and despite finally being not-alone and finding love and companionship. Then the pandemic. Then more personal conflict. Then…
