The “Should” Trap: Why Your Learning Plan Keeps Failing.

The Day I Saw My Scroll Time Add Up

Be honest: when did you last finish a day and feel smarter than when you started?
Not busier. Not more “informed.” Actually sharper.

Most of us can’t remember.
We lose hours to a glowing rectangle, then wonder why our brains feel like day-old toast.

Here’s the good news.
You don’t need a degree, a big budget, or a fresh start in January.
You need a page, a question, and 12 weeks.

Let’s build your own school term, one you’ll actually want to show up for.

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Imagine a counter hanging over your desk.
It shows every minute you’ve spent scrolling over the past few years.
Most of us would look away.

Emmy didn’t have a counter.
She had a hunch, and the hunch was enough to make her wince.

She’d been in a conversation where she had nothing to add.
Everyone else seemed to know the backstory, the context, the “oh, you know, that thing.”
She sat there nodding, feeling a little hollow. Her brain hadn’t been pushed in a long time, and it showed.

So she did what many of us do first.
She picked up knitting and drawing.
It was a clever trick, really: you can’t scroll when your hands are busy.

But she wanted more. She wanted to feel her mind stretch again.

The Idea That Changed Her Autumn

She found something called a personal curriculum.
Think of it as a school term you design yourself.
No teacher, no exams, no one telling you what to study.
Just you, a few subjects you’re curious about, and about 12 weeks to explore them.

She’d tried it the year before.
Only a couple of subjects stuck.
Did she quit in shame? Nope. “That’s still more than nothing,” she said.

I love that line.
Most of us would call that a failure. She called it a head start.

The “Should” Trap

Here’s where she almost tripped.
She started browsing what other people study, and most lists looked so serious.
Philosophy. Economics. History. She felt a small tug to make her list academic, too.

Then she caught herself.
“That’s ridiculous,” she decided.
“The whole point is that it’s personal.”

So she asked a better question.
Not “What should I learn?” but “What do I actually want to learn?”

Her list came out like this:

• The science of creativity and insight. She’d always been curious about how good ideas arrive, and she’d never given herself permission to chase it.
• Graphic design. She loved it, but every design she made was guesswork. No principles, just “this looks nice, I think.”
• French. She loves the language, the films, and the books. But for years, nothing had stuck.

A mixed bag. Exactly the point.

How She Got Started (Without Overthinking It)

Starting is where most of us stall.
Emmy admits she’ll put things off if she doesn’t know where to begin.

So she borrowed a simple layout from a Reddit thread and made one page per subject.
At the top, the course title.
Then a focus, which can be vague for now.
Then what she wants to learn, one main question, and the books or podcasts she’ll use.

Her first page read something like this:
Course: The Science of Creativity and Insight.
Focus: Flow, creativity and the brain.
Main question: How does creativity work?

That’s it.
Her question may change as she learns, and that’s fine.
The page just gives her a first step so she doesn’t have to wait for perfect.

To find resources, she did something simple.
She searched “a guide to graphic design” and followed the trail.
She sampled a podcast episode before committing to the creativity topic. She picked a course on Coursera and signed up for the 7-day free trial. Her plan: do as much as possible in that week, and see whether she likes the style before paying a cent.

The Rule That Saved Her Wallet

Here’s the part I like most.
She decided not to buy anything new for French.
She already owned a story-based course she’d only finished 26% of.
She also had a workbook gathering dust.
So she went back to those.

And she gave herself a reward.
If she stays consistent for a full month, she’ll pay for 30-minute French conversations again. Those helped her improve fast during the pandemic. Now the treat has to be earned.

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Same idea with supplies.
No fancy stationery haul.
An old notebook, a pen, and a highlighter will do.
If you want one extra tool, get a cheap commonplace book, which is just a small notebook for quotes, book tips, and ideas that spark something.

Small Beats Big

Here’s where many of us go wrong.
We get excited and sign up for everything.
Two weeks later, we’re buried.

Emmy started with just two subjects.
One in the morning, one in the evening.
A few days off each week.
She staggered her start dates so each habit could settle before she added another.
French got only five minutes a day, with a strict minimum, even on busy days.

“I’m starting small and building,” she said.
That sentence might save your whole project.

Permission to Be Messy

Midway through, she read something that made her sigh.
Picasso’s creative process leaned on exploration and what looked like blind experimentation.
Creative minds, the research said, tend to be messy.

Emmy had always called herself chaotic.
Turns out it might just be creativity wearing a disguise.

So if your notes are scattered and your curiosity jumps around, relax.
Catch it all in your commonplace book.
After two or three weeks, the patterns will show you where to dig deeper.

The Library Surprise

One afternoon she tried studying at her local library for an hour.
She brought a pencil case, a notebook, and one book.
That was all.

The room was full of people quietly working on their own things.
It was oddly motivating.
She couldn’t believe it was free. She left feeling refreshed, and she’s already planning a trip to the bigger library downtown for a change of scenery.

If your home is full of distractions, this is worth a try.

What to Do This Week

Here’s the short version, if you’d like to try it:

1. Pick two subjects you actually want to learn, not ones you think you should.
2. Make a one-page plan for each: title, focus, main question, and materials.
3. Choose a 12-week window. A natural end date, like the holidays, helps.
4. Use what you already own or can borrow before spending anything.
5. Test before you pay. Try a podcast episode or a free trial first.
6. Keep a commonplace book for ideas, quotes, and resources.
7. Set a tiny daily minimum, like five minutes, and protect it.
8. Study somewhere fresh, like a library.
9. Check in after a few weeks. Add something if you have room. Ease off if you don’t.

The aim is to be strict enough to make progress and loose enough to enjoy it.
If it stops being fun, you’ll stop doing it.

Your Move

You can’t un-scroll the last few years.
But you can decide what the next 12 weeks look like.

Grab a page.
Write one subject at the top. Under it, write one question you’d love to answer.

That’s your first lesson. Class is in session.

FAQs

1. What if I have too many interests?
Start with two.
Pick the ones that excite you most, and add others later.

2. What if I quit halfway?
Adjust and restart.
Emmy kept only a couple of subjects last year, and it still counted.

3. Do I need to spend money?
No.
Use library books, free trials, and notebooks you already have.

4. How much time does it take?
Start with five minutes a day for a tough subject. Build up from there.

5. Is a messy approach okay?
Yes.
Write everything in a commonplace book and let your interests guide you.

You might also find this helpful: Why Your Search For Meaning Is Actually Destroying Your Life (And What To Do Instead).