I’m 25
Do we ever figure it out?
The last time I was fully involved in cricket was when I was in 10th grade, until my friend shifted to a different city and could no longer accompany me to training. When it was time to decide between commerce and science, I was thinking about only one thing: taking science meant dealing with maths, and all my games periods would get substituted for maths. I had hated maths ever since I scored half marks and my teacher had to address me as “idiot, idiot, idiot” in front of the whole class. So my choice was clear. I loved playing and hated maths. Commerce it is.
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My parents, though, were sceptical about my future and gave me a choice: either take commerce and pursue Chartered Accountancy (which meant no college because, one, we couldn’t afford it, and two, we couldn’t afford to send me to college and pursue CA), or take science. I was quite confident I could charm my way out of CA when the time came, and I agreed to take commerce. Today, I’m a Chartered Accountant with two years of post-qualification experience at the Big Four, something my 15-year-old self would probably find hilarious. My charm never worked and I dint go to college. Something about the belief my parents had in me when I had none in meself still gets to me. But I had the best two years of my life as a commerce student.
Though I’m proud of the fact that I was able to crack CA, a day doesn’t go by without me thinking about figuring out my passion. I earn decently, but money was never at the top of my list. Passion, for me, is the currency, and my passion for cricket was unmatched. I believed I was good at it. I had good instincts as a player and was a darn good fielder as well. But that idea slowly drifted away from my conscience with every passing birthday. I’m 25, and I haven’t even started. And for anybody who follows cricket in India, they know there is someone as good as me, or better, in the next street. It’s a religion here, followed almost unanimously.
So what next? Is a human born with one single passion only? Right now, I think I do think so. I research, I talk to people, and I try different things every now and then that might end up being something I could love doing for a very long time. I keep trying to find the thing. I prepared a book. I never published it. I tried digital art. I looked for jobs in sports. And now I’m writing. I like writing my ideas down. Not sure how long this will last.
I’m hungry. I want to put my body to work, earn each meal, and fall asleep tired at the end of the day. I find it remotely impossible to do that in front of a computer screen all year long. I do sometimes think about accepting the possibility that I might end up sitting in front of a laptop to earn a living. I mean, things could be worse, but things could be better too. I have the fight in me; I’m just figuring out where, or in which field, to express it. Do we ever figure it out? Because it’s eating meself slowly.
