Member-only story
P for Pretend
Make-believe to become
Letter P of my ABCs of letting go, a healing journey in 26 letters.
Start with A here.
When I was younger, I used to pretend
That I had a practice life
And that in that make-believe life, I made myself believe
I was all the things I needed to be to survive
Rehearsed all the affirmations and meditations of the heart
To propel me onward and forward
I practiced so much that I ceased to pretend
I simply walked into my real life
Living,
Marveling,
Reveling
And one day, it felt as if I forgot
At the sight and sound of another pretender, I falsified…
For fear of being too real, too powerful, too self-efficient
At the kiss and closeness of the pretender, I forged…
For fear of being found out
For fear of judgment in his eyes
Where being whole looked like a threat
And standing tall was an affront
For fear, for shame
I became — Miss Judged
But one can only be untrue to self for so long
