2 years
Honestly I don’t even know where to begin. I couldn’t get past my temptation and I just didn’t think far enough to avoid the pain that is now crushing my heart. There, on that paper written your name and hers. In big fonts, golden color. A celebration night of how you’ve come together.
My finger ran fast to swipe up the screen on my phone and it took me to the home screen. Although, nowhere to be seen it has been imprinted in my mind where it would haunt me anytime it wants. I remember the night when you told me about her. It had been a month. I was in no position to be angry because without a definitive status, I couldn’t even call myself being cheated on. So there I was, sitting on my toilet crying my heart out.
Get Feel Your Feelings’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I still wonder if you’re in love with her. Connected, just as how you said you felt about her. Followed by ‘I shouldn’t have said it to you’.
“How come she never appears in one of those squares” I used to wonder to myself. There was a short relief to imagine that you were single than taken, even when I was that it held no guarantee for you to break this silence.
For the 2 years that you’ve been connected with her, I haven’t been able to lessen the weight of the feelings I have for you. Every time you posted a glimpse of your togetherness, my heart was burning in pain. As if there was a literal burn inside my chest and the smoke filled in my lungs. Or once, I felt that I was about to crumble that I had to ask someone next to me to hug me tight.
Sometimes I wonder if you think about me. About us in the past. I know I’ve been holding on for too long. The only one, all this time. Alone.
