PD3 — Crushing Indecision, Resting, and Being Ace
It was already the halfway point of our Proposal Development unit, and I was still topic-less. The turbulent weeks of personal and academic events leading up to this point gave me so much stress, I barely had the brain capacity to think about my Major Project topic. It left me stuck. Anxious. Agitated.
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I finally felt the space to breathe after our Design Futures project submission. I went on a short day trip to Canterbury to take a break and give myself permission to do nothing. Being close to nature gives me a sense of healing and re-enchantment, and although it may seem counterproductive, I find doing ‘nothing’ absolutely productive in my journey as a creative.
Now, I did not come back from this trip with a buzz load of certainty about my project! Let’s be honest here. However, I was finally ready to make space for thinking — which was close to impossible to cram in my packed schedule weeks prior. I returned to London, and (finally) created a Miro board to dump all my topic ideas. I still had so many and I had to kick Service Design, Peace Studies, and Art Healing, to narrow down my topics into two: Rest and Asexuality.
Later that week, I had tutorials with Dr. Hena Ali and Dr. Kier Williams, respectively. I presented both topics to them, with the fear that my indecisiveness will be a major bottleneck in progressing my project. By talking to my other peers in my tutorial circles, I realised I was not alone in feeling anxious about my progress. And instead of harsh criticism by our tutors, I was flooded with acceptance, empathy, and genuine care.
“Don’t think about the others.”
“Either topic you choose, it is okay. They are both good, and the needs for them are clear.”
“What if you combine them? Is there a way to incorporate rest in asexuality?”
These are just some of the feedback I received in the tutorial, which gave me a huge sense of relief — that I was going in the right direction. That comfort translated into an action plan straight away, as my tutors left me with a single important task: to decide on one topic.
I wish it was easy to say I picked one right then and there, but frustratingly enough, that’s not how my brain works. I felt deeply connected with both topics, and I didn’t want to let the other go! I remembered a common phrase in our Service Design journey, that we should always be ready to “kill our babies,” but after 7 months of learning and unlearning, it was still so hard to do.
Although I was still confused about my topic, I came home that day with a new sense of optimism. Not just for Project Development, but for the next 6 months ahead.
For the first time, I finally felt excited about my Final Major Project.
(To be continued!)
