Validate them too
188/300. It’s not just you on the recieving end
I find that a lot of people live with a sort of shadow on their backs and on their minds. The type of shadow that makes them always ask questions when it concerns another person, ask for stuff when it comes from another person, fish for hooks and baits that only come from others. And yet they forget to watch their back always.
I’m talking about living with the need to be validated. Fishing and wanting validation from other people.
Validation is the action of checking or proving validity or accuracy of something. But I think when we apply it to ourselves we move that definition an inch away from proportion. From original intention.
We should want accuracy for something. To verify if that bracelet is really an Egyptian heirloom or if British belonged to black slaves or if water is really pure as the say or if clothes were not always made from paper.
See how it sounds?
To prove the accuracy of something or it’s validity.
But then we also out here trying to prove the validity of our choices too and it’s not all bad. I mean it’s okay to want to be sure that you’re not completely mad, that the step you’re about to take is not a path for crazy people and if it is, do crazy people survive it?
The validity of our choices. Yes.
But what upturns the entire motion is when we make this validity our entire bases. You see one thing I love about the human life is that certain individualism cannot be proven-- at least, nobody can point at another antique in Lagos to verify your life. It is your life and the least that can happen is that people can make references to the laws of nature that govern us.
But what happens when we live like we are waiting to be weighed and verified like a traditional relic? When we place our lives in people’s palms as if we are some old museum artifacts ready to be proven or disproven.
Like we can suddenly be either verified and marked good or lose verification and risk being discarded.
What am I saying?
Some of us actually go ahead to discard ourselves simply because the judges whom we placed our life’s into their hands had bad eyesight.
You see even an old relic had it’s moments where even after been claimed to be unverifiable is still kept around even if just for the sight seeing.
How much more YOU?
You sit there and you question if they like you. If you said the right words. If you dressed like they want. If you sounded smart enough. If you will be picked.
Like standing in a pathetic pleading audition.
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Will they like me?
What about you? Do you like them?
Do you ever think of it like that? Do you ever ask if you like them? Do you like that job? Do you like those group of friends? Do you like that girl/boy? Do you like that parent? Do you like that kid? Do you like the in-laws?
For once, stop trying to be an artifact and be the goddamn judge here! Be the appraisal.
Here is absolutely no reason why you should be in a row waiting to be appraised and if you’re already on that row, here’s also your reminder that not every antique or artifact no matter how beautiful they look gets past the appraisal and even every 1 in a thousand chance, one very solid relic is still mistaken as a fake and left out.
And there is you.
Such gorgeous, gorgeous, brilliant human. Such amazing and interesting person you are.
Do they like you? Oh Sweetie, it doesn’t matter I tell you.
Chin high and get that shit done.
They didn’t like your paper? Keep writing!
They don’t like your pictures? Take more pictures. Take dozens, take one everyday.
I think they first question is do you like yourself? Because if you’re going to beat them, you’ve got to beat them in their own game.
You want them in your friend group? Do you like YOU in your friend group? If yes, now do you like them in your friend group?
The next time your brain wants some validation, validate them too.
Are they good enough for you?
And a side note; everytime your answer to yourself is no, then do more and more until your answer is yes.
If you think you wouldn’t even want yourself in your friend group, then up you get. Chop Chop! Get to work until you want yourself in your friend group.
You don’t look beautiful enough, that’s what you think? Chop chop! Stare into the mirror everyday and tell it to yourself until you do!
A Saber been appraised would not be able to stop them and say, “Hey, even if I’m not one of your historic items, I’m still a magnificent sword.”
But you can, and that’s what makes you different!
