Numb
Few days ago i just came across an email from a scholarship program that i just got rejected (while softly imply that i was got into the reserve list). Not the first time that i got rejected from a scholarship program. Last year another scholarship from a program that i am very look into (number 1 in remote sensing) rejected me. Even further back, i was struggled to enter even the minimum requirement for a merit based scholarship back in my undergraduate study due to my low GPA.
While a few weeks back i just got a loss from a kickboxing bout, a decision loss. A very narrow loss that one of the comitee came up and said that i could have won.
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Failure and losing feels like a default to me as it happens too often. As if i got win or acceptance feels very odd. The positive side is that all this unwanted result become…indifferent. As if i am feel numb towards these negative condition.
Although, some part of me still want to hope. While looking into others,
“Am i wrong to want what others have? What should i do to get into that level?”
Sungai Baung, 2024
