yesterday
i just want to be quiet
no talking, no laughing, no smiling
i don’t want to be the one that makes people laugh
i don’t want to be the one who talks when no one else does
i just want to be there
not being noticed, not being acknowledged
not because i think my presence doesn’t matter
i’m just tired of performing
of pretending that i’m strong when i’m not
of pretending that i don’t care when i do
i just want to exist in silence
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i care, a lot. sometimes too much.
not expressing doesn’t mean i don’t feel
i feel. deeply, intensely.
i’m just tired of getting my heart broken again
i’m just tired of facing my wounds again and again
every time i try to heal one wound, a new one appears
i don’t know how much more i can take
i don’t want to talk
or to explain why i’m feeling that way
not because you won’t understand — though if you don’t, that’s okay too —
i just cannot find the right words to express how i feel
i’m tired of going through this hurt again and again.
i’ve cried until crying feels tired
i’m done with spiralling again
and i’m not ready to show you my pain
so, just let me be
let me be quiet today
