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Been meditating much. Found a list of guided meditations based on the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi. His famous work is called Who Am I. A dear friend sent me this to read. And I did. Over and over. Even after 20 times, I knew some magic was hidden. Could feel it. But didn’t get it. Then the guided meditations — and I got it. And it keeps coming.
Three mornings ago, I woke up blank. No mind. Nothing. Just awareness that I was. Peace, quietude, and wonder….it didn’t last for long. Suddenly mind asserted itself, but fascinatingly, this was watched. The observer watched as all things of mind manifested. Hope, fear, longing, grasping, the past, the imagined future — it all flooded in….It was felt, like putting on a onesie — from toes to top of head, this veil manifested, filled to the brim with everything that makes up a self. The ego. It fit really well, and comfort, habits, patterns took over. But this glimpse — this little window — the pause before the pour, changed much.
Research. What is the difference between consciousness and awareness? Here is the dictionary definitions. Consciousness — the state of being awake and aware of one’s surroundings. Awareness — knowledge or perception of a situation or fact. Ok, in the spiritual school of Sri Maharshi these definitions are not adequate.
Consciousness — is knowing you are, dependent on duality. We talk of different states of consciousness. The awake state, the sleep state, the dream state, and more. Thus consciousness is dependent and created. A function of mind — and will die with the body. It is the interface to a physical body that includes mind.
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Awareness. Awareness is that which resides outside of consciousness. In fact, consciousness requires awareness to exist. Ponder this. Every day you go to sleep. During sleep you dream. But there is also deep sleep, with NO consciousness. Are you dead? No. You awake, and consciousness reasserts itself and because we are not trained, and also because much of life seems mundane — wake up, dress, eat, drink, shower, work, get angry, get happy, do, be, act, then the next day, like the instructions on shampoo bottle — rinse and repeat, we don’t wonder about what just happened. The question is, what carries you through complete non-consciousness? Awareness. Your body still knows. In your sleep, if it gets cold you’ll reach out for more blankets. If you get too hot, blankets will come off — with NO self. No person there. No you. Don’t know about you, but I find this absolutely fascinating.
I have no idea what truth is. Can only speak for this body and mind. Waking up blank, and seeing/feeling a self manifest, magnifies the message that there is no true self. It is a creation of mind, and duality. Lives only in the world of opposites and will die. It is temporary.
But awareness. If you have ever touched this place, then one begins to explore some really big questions. There is NO time there. There is no anger, or hope….but there is love, gratitude, and joy….a luminous joy of being that cannot be disturbed. The beauty is beyond words. All descriptions are inadequate. Language does not go there. YOU have to. And this is what seems to be a paradox. It is said we need to escape samsara, samsara being defined very generally here as the everyday world we see and live in, and one we will return to over and over until we do escape. But the tool one uses to escape, is samsara. The object of our problem is also the solution — the only solution.
Every day there is something. And every day it gets further away. And every moment, every thought, focus comes and goes….but sometimes one can see through the veil. Even a glimpse is enough to know that the path is the thing. The journey is the thing. To understand you have already arrived….ya just missed the welcome signs at the gate.
Peace. MFC — look at the date — you’ll have to figure out what MFC means.
