Cataract Surgery (Mine) and What I Have Learned So Far
Let’s start with this reality. I had both eyes surgically repaired a week apart (Feb. 14 and 21) and I am now truly on the mend. And, I have a real excuse for typos.
I only half jokingly told an audience of 95 plus educators some 27 hours after the second surgery that while I could not see or read or think too well, I was otherwise perfect. (Why I actually was running a workshop with my co-author is a topic for another day….try denial as a starting point.)
But, the surgery has given me pause to reflect on a variety of issues (see above — I use that word with intention) and since writing is how I can express myself best (well, my art as seen above and many pieces appear in my co-authored forthcoming book with Ed Wang titled Mending Education and released by TCP in Sept. 2024), I had to write about this eye-opening experience.
Start here.
I am a terrible patient. I am not patient. The doctor (who was wonderful by the by) is worthy of a post, including related to his responses to my less than stellar comments about his opthamologic fellow — whom I called an arrogant ____).
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My doctor said I was “on pace.” To that I responded, “Let’s pick up the pace then.” Most of those who know me wouldn’t be surprised by this; I am vastly better at giving than taking — which gets me to my next point.
I have had fabulous support throughout this venture, when I have been unable to drive (not that I could see clearly enough to drive at night before surgery to be sure), when I was unable to cook (disinterest and lack of appetite), when I was frustrated (sympathy and compassion and warmth and friendship) and when I needed a hug for real — which gets me to my next point.
I had a terrible childhood which I’ve written about before, privileged without privilege. I had a mother who was mentally ill and never could look me in the eye (ironic, eh what?) and rarely, if ever, provided actual nurturing. Zippo. The surgery brought all this back in a nano-second, and with some remarkable help, I could see that my past was intruding into my present — “invading” my present might be a better way of describing it — which gets me to my next point.
When I was leading a tabletop conversation the day after surgery (as if leading a workshop were not sufficient — don’t get me started), one educator asked: “How can I get a particular student to trust me when other teachers haven’t been supportive or haven’t provided trust?” “How,” she asked, “do we enable our students to trust us?” That’s a stunningly good question and a sad situation too.
We need trust to grow and flourish and learn and handle life’s exigencies. Cataract surgery reinforced for me that you develop trust in someone not by what they say but by what they do. And I have lots of people who enabled me to see (that word again) that I could trust them. Now and into the future. Trust is tricky — easily lost and hard to gain. And I have learned something about trust through this experience — which gets me to my last point.
I have learned from this surgery and that has enormous value. I was listening to Susan Boyle’s audition for Britain’s Got Talent well over a decade ago. She sang from Les Miserables. No one thought she could sing a note and people were laughing at her, judging her by her looks and demeanor. But, she could sing and following a recent stroke, has returned to singing. Long story short, she believed in herself. Yes, others believed in her along the way but at the core, she believed in herself. It is evident in the videos of her and her commentary. I may have new eyes so to speak but the surgery has allowed me to both receive support and to appreciate that understanding oneself fully can produce a worthy virtual hug.
Special thanks to SD, JC, BHL, KL, NSD, EW and DM. Everyone should be as fortunate as I am to have such a support team. And, I will always be there for you. You can count on that. And to SM, you do your profession proud. Truly.
