Day 3
Good Morning Coffee Community!
Day 3 is all about reflection. I want to reflect on my first two full days of sobriety. These last few days have been filled with every emotion possible. I have allowed myself to actually sit in my sadness, feel it and move through it. Did you know that on average, if you truly allow yourself to feel the emotion as it comes, it only lasts about 90 seconds?! So as thoughts or feelings come up throughout the day, I allow myself to feel them. I did my first bodywork therapy session yesterday and that shit is truly life changing. S has many different modalities to choose from, and for my first session I choose tuning forks.
It’s all about using sounds and vibrations to move energy through your body. The amount of information they could tell me about my life without me even explaining it was WILD! They could even pinpoint within a year, when big life changes(trauma) happened to me. When I was 7/8, 15/16, and 27/28 were big milestone years for me, and they could sense the exact emotion I was feeling about that period in my life. I don’t know how they do it, but either way, I’m hooked!
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I had a wonderful catch up chat with my longest and bestest friend J last night. We talk weekly and make it a point to see each other at least twice a month. I luckily still have 3 amazing friends from high school, and they, aside from my mom, know me better than anyone else in the world. They were there through all the break ups, they were there before I could control my emotions, they were there for every life changing event and mistake, they were there before masking and coping mechanisms took over. I’ve known these people for half of my life, and they are stuck with me!
J said something yesterday that really stuck with me and explains who I am to my core. She said I am a revolving door of personality. That I am constantly moving through changes and phases, in hopes of creating a better life for myself. I am so comfortable with change and experience a lot of it that I’m able to move through it fairly quickly. But to my core, I have always been the same. And that core person, is the person that she knows and loves. And I have honestly never felt more seen. J helped me reflect on all the different personality hats I have tried on over the years. The obsessive love struck teenager, the cigarette smoker, the gambler, the alcoholic, the stoner, the loud one, the fun one, the emotionally traumatize one, the fighter, the lover, the backstabbing boyfriend stealer(glad we can laugh about that one now!), and lastly myself. All of these hats were my primary identity, with much overlap in between. I believed that all I was, was this person, this role to fill. Which caused me to lose sight of my truest self. But now with all of that behind me, I can be me again. It’s almost like I’m relearning how to do life again and I’m back in my 14 year old body, before life happened, with a fully developed prefrontal cortex. What better way to start fresh than to go back to the beginning.
Cause we’re adventurers and heartbreak’s our map
A final destination we lack
We stopped asking directions
To places they’ve never been
And to be lovеd, we need to be known
We’ll finally find our way back homе
And through the joy and pain, that our lives bring
We can do hard things
-Tish Melton
