Vulnerability
Ever since Brene Brown hopped on the scene with her Ted Talk on vulnerability in 2010, vulnerability has been a hot button topic ever since. What is it? What the difference from authenticity? How do you do it?
Brene’s work, her books and her speaking engagements was the start of me changing my life. My introduction to Brene was when I read Daring Greatly for the first time in 2018. This started me down a spiraling rabbit hole into her work and everything vulnerability and courage related. This is where my desire for consistent improvement started. It wasn’t until 2020 when I started actually listening to the information instead of learning it. Since then, I have read almost all of Brenes books, and have continued to find other like minded individuals who share a similar message of consistent growth and change. Glennon Doyle is currently at the top of my list, and my inspiration for starting this blog. This is how she started her self healing journey. Reading Untamed in 2020 changed the trajectory of the rest of my life. I have found many more inspiring people through Brene (Dare to Lead and Unlocking Us) and Glennon’s(We Can Do Hard Things) podcasts.
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There are 3 people outside of my inner circle that I aspire to be, mentors if you will. Brene and Glennon fill two of those spots, and Dax Shepard holds my little armcherry heart. Dax is such a key component in my story because he is the reason I started thinking about sobriety in the first place. He is always so open and honest about that fact that he is a recovering addict and I have always been really drawn to his willingness to be vulnerable. I truly believe that learning the power that vulnerability holds and how to use it effectively is the key to any significant change. We make a lot of decisions based out of fear, fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of happiness even if you never allow yourself to truly feel it. Vulnerability allows you to put the fear out on the table instead of letting it eat away inside. Vulnerability is what allows others to view you as human, not as mom or boss or friend, just a human being.
Unfortunately there is no handbook that I have found that explains the process for you, you either decide to be open and vulnerable with a person or in a group, or you don’t. Allowing myself to be vulnerable is what has transformed me. I would NEVER have been able to openly post like this for any and everyone to read 5 years ago. I also often forget that this is public and that people I know and love might read it. But that’s the key right? Being so open and free to express yourself without fear of judgement or rejection. Vulnerability has allowed me to reflect inward to change my perception of myself. Everytime I share, I get a little more free and a little bit lighter. That not to say I’m not terrified the whole way or that I can have a tough conversation without hesitation. I just do things scared. Because sometimes it’s not always scary and my mind is playing tricks on me, or sometimes it is scary but necessary and sometimes things are just scary.
I’m not suggesting to fight every hard battle and jump into every situation head first, vulnerability takes time. But I promise, the more you do it, the less scary it feels. You will hopefully start to feel more secure and confident within yourself, which can make things less hard or less scary because you know that you will survive it. Breaking down those barriers has also allowed me to look at my fear from the outside and try to understand where it comes from. Fear is necessary to keep us safe, but the same rules don’t apply to your current self. The emotions, feelings and reactions were all put in place by your child self to protect you, but you are not a child anymore and you don’t need those tools to protect you anymore. Vulnerability helps you recognize the difference between actual fear and learned behavior patterns.
Lately I have been really drawn to the concept of human being versus human doing. For the last 10 years or so, I have been a human doing. Always moving, always thinking, running myself and my body down to it’s limits everyday, only to wake up and do it all over again. We are raised in a society to be constant human doers, constantly moving, striving and achieving. I have been trying my best to find stillness this year, which has been very very difficult. But what do ya know, the more you practice, the easier it gets! Along with everything else in life. But we don’t take the time to stop, have grace with ourselves and learn. We feel inadequate when we don’t know how to do something, or we aren’t qualified enough. But our measurement of success of what makes us “enough” doesn’t come from everybody else, it comes from yourself. I get to decide if I feel successful. I get to feel that I am enough by just being me, and anything additional is just a bonus.
