Female Psychotherapy?
© by Kemander
It all began with growing up with my mother, three sisters, three aunts and my maternal and paternal grandmothers and learning quite early in life how women tend to shroud replies to personal questions in terms of what they think the querent wants to hear or how they think the person asking will respond positively to their answer, rather than being totally open and honest with the unadorned or complete truth. When my interest in the feminine gender became more sexually curious in terms of what types of teases and activities I could learn to do that might actually please and arouse a woman, I was soon frustrated to find the women I queried were far too embarrassed to be openly honest and wouldn’t give me detailed answers to help me to please them as maximally as I felt the desire to do so.
This eventually led to my reading anonymous transcripts of many thousands of psychotherapists’ patients’ sessions from online notes and journals which left out any detailed reference to personally identifying criteria, many of which were carried out under the influence of hypnosis, of large numbers of random women coming to see the reporting psychotherapists with complaints of headaches, tension, depression and numerous physical complaints, all of which ultimately tied back into and revolved around the pressures of demanding husbands always wanting sex the women didn’t want to provide. The story was almost always the same, to the same neat pattern.
The women would explain when they met their husbands when they were younger, usually in their mid to late twenties, how they had numerous suitors to choose from, and they’d either choose the most attractive “hunk” or the best provider. In each case, after marriage of a few years, they’d eventually find their husbands would start to behave selfishly and take them for granted, leaving the women feeling disgruntled and very unappreciated. Then there’d be the unwelcome demands for sex which they inevitably refused. Sexually frustrated husbands would then argue and make further demands, driving the women further away causing greater marital tension and deeper resentments on both sides.
Yet, during the intimate talks the intensive psychotherapy provided, these same women admitted to quite sexual and even perverse fantasies. These were fantasies of being taken and used, fantasies of sucking penises of complete strangers in dark clubs, closets, cars and corridors, fantasies of being blindfolded and tied to the bed by their husbands and/or strange unknown men kissing and caressing them all over, making them orgasm repeatedly as the stranger/s whispered into their ears how sexy and desirable they looked.
Fantasies of anonymous gifts from strangers and of flowers arriving on their desks at work from secret admirers, fantasies of being made love to gently by soft, yet dominant men in small groups who’d touch them all over, stroke their penises in the girls’ faces, ejaculating all over their breasts while the woman writhed in orgasmic bliss. Yet almost none of these women felt brave enough or game enough to seek out or live out these fantasies, let alone talk about them openly with their intimate partner.
It formed such a pattern, I felt further research into the psychology of women was justified. I found numerous online articles and some research into sexual behavior. I also re-read Sex at Dawn — on the evolution of human sexuality — and it started me thinking.
One of the most pronounced and incredible findings I made through reading the various psychotherapy sessions with anonymous patients, was these women, whose husbands complained were basically frigid or pre-menopausal, immediately upon divorce would soon find satisfying and overwhelmingly sensational sex with the first lover they could. Or they’d have several lovers at a time and, in what seemed like a reaction to the fear of being perceived a slut, they’d marry again quite quickly with Mr. ‘best provider’, or Mr. ‘soul buddy’.
They’d marry a type of man who definitely would NOT allow or encourage these women to continue to seek or enjoy these sexual fantasies. It was as if the girls feared losing control and becoming more wanton and slutty and didn’t realize how much control over themselves and the men in their lives they could command by their continued practice of being enticing and seductive, obtaining their every whimsy or wish by using their feminine wiles to have coveting men succumb to their charms and comply with their personal wills and desires.
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So I began to think there’s something primal in many, if not all, women and girls that pushes them towards experiences where they can enjoy multiple partners and multiple orgasms, just like their fantasies. Then they seem to get an attack of moral outrage at their own behavior and reel themselves back from the brink of carnality and become embarrassed at being thought of as a femme fatale to even the slightest degree. So I ask myself, ‘just what is wrong with a woman knowing what she wants and pursuing it?’
Okay, there are issues involved that tend to limit purely indiscriminate wanton carnality. No matter how aroused a woman gets, she cares at least a little about which penises get inside her. Evolutionary forces have made it this way. We all know sex can mean pregnancy and picking the right father matters. Woman can never be truly indiscriminate when choosing a potential father for their children. But once you’ve had your kids and are ready to move on, what then?
Guys live in a totally different world. If a pregnancy occurs and they don’t like the results, evolution has taught them to just pick up and move on, seeking a better, more desirable outcome. If they leave a string of babies behind, it just means they leave a larger genetic footprint behind, so in a way, they win. And if they find some ideal girl and baby to settle with, they also win. Guys are wired to try until they get what they want. And women are *socialized* to try to be whatever ideal the man wants, so he’ll stay. This may be true, but only up to a point. Once a woman has had her babies, or has made the realized determination to not have children, or found out she simply can’t have children, her options expand to being able to pursue other options and goals and her tolerance for dealing with male deceit or manipulations can become very short, indeed.
In further readings of evolution and prehistory I was hugely surprised to find marriage was actually a concept devised by men, set in place to attempt to control the more wantonly lascivious nature of women and to protect the male’s investment, have offspring of his own DNA to pass his property and invested energy (read monies) onto, and to carry on his lineage. To go a step further, early civilizations, like the ancient Babylonians, understood this ‘bolder’ side of women. Their cities arranged for all wives and girlfriends to have to spend some months as prostitutes in the temples to satisfy their wild mating urges, every few years. The husbands, it was stated, had no complaints. They could copulate with whichever other wives they liked during her ‘working months’ and their own wives would come home glowing and horny — or pregnant.
I read how in primitive societies polygamy and polyamory were more common than not. Another strange but related fact is that the male penis is of a shape to pump the sperm of competing male’s out of a vagina and the sperm of one male actively tries to destroy competing sperm of other males. Finally, that the feminine orgasm only seems to happen after extended, or multiple, couplings with male’s ineptitude.
All these primal facets were consistent only if the natural feminine behavior was wild and highly arousal oriented. Or perhaps there were many multiple gang-rapes in primitive times which historical indications simply gloss over and don’t mention. Yet other primate behavior suggests female chimps and bonobos don’t experience rape. In fact, they actively and aggressively pursue male partners; as many as possible, during their reproductive times and a female baboon can actually be heard for up to a mile and a half away during her mating orgasms in nature’s effort to attract more males to come attempt to inseminate her when the present male at hand has completed his climax. Very little different than male dogs lining up to mate with a bitch in heat.
Is there a wild feminine sexual beast, held just under control, beneath the surface of a tissue of religious and familial fabrications and social conventions? Generally it’s mothers and grandmothers (post-reproductive women) who start girls down a path of guilt and who begin them on the road to modern-day “insanity”, driven one way by their primal urges and another by religious, familial and societal expectations, creating a huge internal psychological rift, technically known as cognitive dissonance, with two forces pulling in opposite directions. One pulling in the direction of uninhibited sexual abandon and the other in the direction of an artificial morality.
Girls and women control other girls by calling them sluts, whores, jezebels, tarts and other derogatory names to keep their natural inclinations in check by social conventions and mores. It’s only the strippers and prostitutes who’ve broken free, exploring their natural tendencies and taking advantage of the fact that it’s very rare a woman might find an extremely virile and potent man who can climax as many as six to eight times in a twenty-four hour period, yet a highly aroused woman is able to couple with and extract the semen from a man about every six minutes and, once she becomes accustomed to the increased level and sensitivity of continual arousal, can do so almost indefinitely, until she passes out from orgasm induced exhaustion and dehydration. She thereby go through as many as two hundred-forty men in twenty-four hours, if she can stay awake so long. In one experiment a woman was able to orgasm 168 times in an eight hour period before the researchers gave up for the day to go home.
I began to understand how if this was a true primal urge in most women, and society and women themselves are secretly aware of this urge and how their fear of the ‘darker’ side of a woman’s sexuality makes them feel it needs to be suppressed, then it may be the cause of great sexual frustration which leads to all of the fantasies so commonly admitted to in the transcripts I’ve read. Regular relationship sex rarely does anything to ‘get the juices flowing’ so to speak or to calm these urges. There’s nothing risky or taboo or out of control about ‘normal vanilla sex’. The very things required to get women excited are simply not available in most relationships without the wife seeking added thrill by pursuing the “taboo” of going behind her husband’s back and “cheating” on him.
I’m not trying to prove a point here, nor in any way casting a vote ‘yea’ or ‘nay’, but only putting what I’ve learned and concluded out for discussion to try and get feedback from women brave enough to respond and help me learn more.
The case files of the psychotherapy sessions with anonymous patients that I accessed for my research are no longer viewable to the public due to the AMA restricting their availability to medically licensed members during the past twelve years.
