Curing A Blaming Mindset
Toward an internal locus of control
People who focus on what’s under their control usually end up with happier lives. After all, no one wants to feel impotent.
Of course, much is out of our control, but key to self-efficacy and making a difference is — per the famous Serenity Prayer — knowing what you can and can’t change.
Of course, one size doesn’t fit all, but this may help you or someone you care about.
- Realize. Realize that your life is worse if you have a blaming mindset, excessively blaming past, current, and future failures on, for example, capitalism, racism, sexism, or past trauma.
- Recognize. You can’t address a problem if you don’t recognize it. When facing a task or reflecting on a past one, do you too-heavily weight factors beyond your control? That’s especially important at the moment you’re weighing whether to tackle a task.
- Commit. Decide whether to go all-in, partway, or that external forces indeed are too great.
There is much in today’s society that I feel unable to affect, even in a small way. While I sometimes try anyway, I feel my life is better by focusing on what I can control.
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P.S. The model may be useful in addressing an addiction:
- Realize. You won’t stop your abuse if you don’t recognize that it’s damaging you.
2. Recognize. Be alert to the moment of truth: when you’re deciding whether to indulge your addiction or do something else pleasant that won’t damage you.
3. Commit. It’s so easy to slide back “just this once.” Remind yourself that even if your life is far from perfect, each time you “just say no,” you’re a step toward a better life.
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach, and author of 35 books including How to Do Life and Baby Steps. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com
