every crossroad
natural | Today, I stumbled upon a note in my old black notebook titled ’35 Things You Have to Learn.’ I have no clue who wrote it, but it definitely wasn’t me. Looking at point number 18, it simply reads ‘Dare to say no.’ My immediate, involuntary reaction was a quiet, bitter chuckle mixed with utter disbelief. What is this line even supposed to mean? When is the word ‘no’ actually supposed to be spoken? God, the sheer irony of this life.
razor-sharp | In an involuntary cognitive exercise, I constructed a retrospective simulation of the catastrophic juncture where my judgment failed. The architecture of that fatal verdict was comprised of dozens of antecedent micro-decisions. I confronted myself with a counterfactual hypothesis, had my lexicon been constrained strictly to an austere binary ‘yes’ and ‘no’, in adjudicating every solicitation, impulse, and dilemma, would the terminal failure have remained inevitable? The hypothesis collapses into an epistemic void. I am incapable of resolving it, and no mortal intellect can penetrate that counterfactual.
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Because at the end of the day, it was never truly about a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ , it was about what you were desperate to attain and experience in that very moment. You will never utter a ‘no’ to something you crave and yearn for, just as you will never grant a ‘yes’ to an outcome you dread facing. Both of us will have to learn the brutal anatomy of choice. Moving forward, I hope that whenever we are confronted with defining crossroads, we choose to fiercely protect what we already hold and what we have labored to build.
native | The temptation to stray will always be there, lingering in the shadows forever, and it takes so many different shapes. Maybe it starts with a stranger’s smile that feels a little warmer, a piercing gaze that locks onto yours, a tender touch, or a gentle voice speaking softly into your ear. Maybe it’s that overwhelming attentiveness , someone acting as if they’ve unraveled your entire soul in the span of a single conversation, flaunting all the missing pieces your partner never had.
There is nothing inherently evil about a choice, nor is there any sin in a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ But what we both need to wake up to in this world is that every time you are confronted with a decision, that is the exact crossroad you must navigate to reach your destination. And as for that destination? You, and you alone, decide what kind of harbor you ultimately drop anchor in.
