The lesson of Self-Worth
It is fall and I am sitting in the garden surrounded by leaves falling into my lap and the wind caressing my hair. It is a beautiful time of the year and I am so grateful that I am able to slow down and can really enjoy this season. Summer was full with activities, swimming, being outside, but now its the time to go inward and to appreciate the beauty that is surrounding us.
I have been grieving for a while now and it seems that I am slowly coming out of a low. It has been a lot, getting to a new place, my babies daddy going off the rails and not being able to be counting on him, new neighborhood and then my daughter starting grade 1 in a new school. I am grateful that I can take time for myself now. It had been quite the last 6 years… Mostly it was on me to be the strong one and to rely on myself only and being there for my daughter 24/7. It built me, shaped me and made me strong and enduring some hardships. Also watching my mother pass last year and not being able to do anything to prevent it just being by her side was so so incredible hard. Just thinking about it makes my eyes watery.
It feels like I am still healing from that plus the whole relationship with my daugher’s father.
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It took a lot of courage to finally face the truth and stop denying that he is an alcoholic and a narcissist. Being raised by a narcissistic father I went into a relationship with one. And looking back the past relationships were similar.
It took me another trip to Germany in the beginning of this year to start really grieving my mum’s passing plus a good chunk of time living with my dad to realize these things. It was too hard to face the truth before. But now I was ready for it even though it was super painful and super scary. I needed all the courage to break things off with the father of my child after giving him an ultimatum that he could not fulfill.
I am not mad anymore or disappointed. I am grateful for the lesson and the eye-opener. The biggest lesson for me here is Self-Worth. Something I have struggled with already as a child. And I am so so grateful for the lesson because it brought me back to myself and it really showed me where my standards are.
So if anyone reads this and can relate I can just encourage you to push through it, to really follow your heart and remember you are worth it. You are strong and capable and if you are scared of the unknown because the relationship feels more familiar I want to say it is worth it to gather all your courage and do the leap. It is scary as f… and takes all the courage you can gather but in the end it is so worth it. Plus what you gain from this leap is priceless. Lessons that are tough but worth it. Confidence that is building after each day of healing. It’s a rocky road and lonely at times but keep on pressing on. There is light at the end of the tunnel and the self-love you gain from this because you stood up for yourself is immense.
I am sending all my love to those that are going through a tough time and are thinking about breaking out of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. I am feeling for you and encouraging you to do it. You deserve more, you deserve to be treated way better and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
