Whatever will be
So here it is. I am sitting on my tiny itsy bitsy balcony, on the stairs that lead to the back yard. The sun is finally coming out. Today is a low day but it’s just about 2pm so there is hope.
I have read so much and followed so much guidance both physical and spritual. And here I am. Feeling lost and wondering what this is all for? Am I real? Is this keyboard real? What are my dreams and desires they say. Follow your passion. Well what passion I ask myself? Right now I don’t feel I have any. Even drinking a coffee feels empty and the questioning continues.
Have you ever felt that way too? Lost and wondering what you are doing? I have had many times throughout my life this feeling and I have changed my place, the country, my home, still I get to this point knowing that the outside change is not what will bring me closer to the core. The core of understanding perhaps? I have taken courses, giving treatments to so many people, did self-healing stuff and still after all this I get to the same point. Feeling lost and asking questions like what am I doing here? What is it that I am supposed to do? Not in a sense of the 3D world. I am out of that one. More like what is my purpose?
I have detached from everyThing, and kind of everyOne in order to get to 5D and now I am here and nothing really matters. What mattered in the old world does not matter anymore in the new world apparently. That’s at least what I am feeling…
So still back to the question, now what? I guess I have successfully made it into 5D, yay. Now what? What is now the purpose? They say hold the frequency and create from your heart chakra instead of your solar plexus chakra. Well I don’t even know what to create. A life you want they say. And the only thing that comes to mind right now knowing what I am knowing right now is I want to be picked up by our extraterrestrial friends and do some really meaningful work. Something that is really important.
I am still waiting and asking for them to come pick me up. I am so ready. I am done with the 3D world. I am done with all the drama. I am done with the whole money game. I don’t want to be dealing with all this anymore and I know deep down there is another way. Cause the 5D world is not like this. Working to survive and to buy groceries that are harmful and overly priced. 5D is different. Everything is different.
Since coming back to Winnipeg in April I do feel a shift. This here feels different. I have been away for 10 months and I am coming back to a different city. Also it feels empty. There are not so many people here anymore. Sure houses and cars but actual people. It’s super weird. It is not frightening in any way I just notice. But who else if anyone is reading this is feeling this? Different people but also less. According to my feeling and some people I follow that shift of mother earth has already occurred. And my feeling says this summer is the split of 3D and 5D timeline. I am trusting in my feeling in this one.
What I find remarkable nothing is really that important anymore that has in the past. I don’t mind that I moved into a new place and have hardly any furniture and the stuff is laying around. I don’t give much of a damn about that and in the past it would have upset me or stressed me out.
Get Nanni Teng’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Also I am not drawn to do anything. What I want to do is sit in nature and just be. Absolutely being held by nature. No person to talk to and not doing anything. This is how I have been feeling for a while. Not that I am doing that all the time but I would like to. I have been sitting in a park and just looked at the river emptying my brain, asking questions, telling nature my questions. And I cried too. I guess I am grieving. What exactly you can choose. My mum went into the spirit world last year and nothing makes sense ever since. Plus then the shift in realities.
So concluding I feel lost and like in a fog for a while now. I am asking creator and the universe for some clarity about what I should do. If I should just sit in nature and just be I will do that. If I am asked to actually so something and it aligns with me I will do that. Just this unknowing state is kind of hard.
But what I have been also feeling, I am tired. I am exhausted from the 3D world and from hassling and doing something. That’s why slowing down right now feels just good. Which is challenging at times as the debt is getting higher and I am not sure how universe will figure that out. But this is the first time for me to ever be in debt and it was the biggest fear I faced in my life. And look at me I am not living on the streets. I am living in a nice apartment that I am not attached to and ready to do whatever and go wherever. I have no attachment to any of that.
Having a 6 year old daughter makes this all pretty interesting too. When it comes to a simple lifestyle I would just live so simplistic but I do remember as a child toys where super important. So we have some toys…
When I thought about what I want to do in my life since I closed my osteopathy practice last August I couldn’t think of anything but write. Every now and then I would have a feeling or a fantasy of writing. Sitting in a nice space wherever in the world and just write my guts out. So today is the day. It does not matter if this is not getting anywhere or is not read by anyone. I just had a feeling to do it. To just do it. Follow that little inner voice and just write. Not just in my diary which I have been doing for years and that was a great therapy. No, right here on my old laptop (2018, that is considered old these days…). And just doing it. I am doing it and for some reason this is giving me a bit of joy on this weird day where I didn’t know what in the world I am doing here. I love writing. It’s really a therapy. I didn’t think I could write on here such a long monologue but here we are. I am doing it and it is actually fun. And that is the passion that I have been seeking. And what Bashar says in his trance sessions: follow your passion.
I am amazed right now that I actually feel good. Right now in this morning. I have not felt this for while. Maybe when I am eating sweets like a pistachio croissant at small mercies café… hmmm they are to die for. But no that is not what I mean. Actually some kind of satisfaction. Something… hmm let’s see… I feel like an inner block is lifting. I am feeling lighter and even a little funny too. I used to love to make jokes. I used to love making people laugh. In Germany where I grew up. I used to play with words and then I come here 2017 and trying to translate the jokes and I get starred at and I am the only one laughing about my jokes. Which is fine, I don’t mind laughing at my own jokes cause I understand them and they are funny. But it is still different to make other people laugh. To brighten the day of other people. Laughing is so important and having gone through a long and heavy time laughing is pretty far away. So now that I am smiling to myself writing here on this blog and laughing inside is super cool. I love it.
Meanwhile I went inside cause the sun burnt me outside and it wasn’t so enjoyable out there anymore. Sitting on the floor in the living room is ok too. There is carpet and my bum has healing from a fall I had down some stairs almost 3 weeks ago. Crazy. Things happen for a reason but man this fat bruise I tell you was not so amusing. At least my bum is pretty well cushioned so the bones are fine. I took pictures of that bruise until it got to it’s full blossom and let me tell you it is not easy to make a picture of one bum cheek. My daughter helped too to take a picture. Funny memories. Not something I would like to repeat though.
So here we are. I am writing a lot but I am sure AI could summarize it in a sentence or 2. But isn’t that the taking away the fun? The therapy? Or whatever you want to call it? Sure it helps when you need some info's and AI can give you the data. But the soul piece, where is the soul piece in all this AI stuff? That is one thing that can’t be replaced. Ever. And that is what I am craving. Soul connection. With a partner. Someone that is present and invested and not pulling away when it’s hard. This is a big shift we are all currently going through as I have heard. Who are your real people, our soul family… And this is where I will end this blog for now… Thinking about who are our people. In this big shift we are in right now this is an essential question. Who is filling you up not draining you? Who is there, really there for you? And who is not on the same frequency? This is something everyone has to figure out themselves but remember. You are always guided and supported by the universe. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at times.
Until next time.
