Blockages

3 min readDec 31, 2023

The last week of Internal Alchemy training has been all about releasing. In my practice, the phrase “letting go of what doesn’t serve you” is so ever more vivid and clear. The blockages or resistance that stop me from growing further are located in my specific body parts, they carry emotion, they cause physical pain, and they have color, shape, texture, weight, and sound. Thanks to the help of my classmates, teacher, and the non-dual white light, the last week of 2023, I’ve let go of…

A blockage in between my solar plexus and my heart center. At first, I didn’t even notice that it was there. But as I become more sensitive as the training goes by, the blockage becomes clearer, it’s rock solid and sharp. I feel pinching pain in my heart whenever I stream light. Something stuck there that I don’t know what it is, but it doesn’t matter. My classmate helped me to release that (she said it feels like a void), I feel much lighter and I can breathe a bit easier now.
Two days ago, J led me on an 1-hour long elemental work to balance the fire-air-water-earth in me. When we finished, I started crying. Not sure why I cried, but it was a good cry, a good release even though I don’t know what that was for (or maybe I do?). Feeling like I shed another 2kg worth of baggage off my chest.
In the group practice, we streamed light together with a prayer to synchronize our three bodies to reach their potential. The biggest blockage was in my throat. That just makes sense. The only way I could express myself was through my writing, but my actual voice — not so much. I find it hard to share with people what I do. I am lost for words, thinking about what I can share and how much to share so as not to overwhelm people with the big ‘energy’ word. It is even harder to express myself in Vietnamese, but I will have to learn how to do that if I want to practice in Vietnam.
Yesterday, my classmate streamed light on me and it was such a beautiful moment. The light was so loving and gentle, coming down slowly to hug me. The light whispered in my heart, ‘You are enough. You are loved. You can do it”. I feel like crying. There was some sensation in my head but most of the blockage resides in my heart. All the self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of confidence in me are stored there, the thought that “I can’t do it, I am not good enough”… they are all there, in my heart, taking up space. They all had to go, slowly and surely, I’ll let them go.
My teacher streamed light on me and another thing became evident: my heart was all closed up. It is a closed-shut door. When she said “Open your heart center a bit more”, I wanted to tell her “I’m still looking for the key”. I’ve always been a guarded person. It’s very hard for me to let people in, or to open my heart to someone. I’m that awkward person in the room who cannot make friends with strangers, a wallflower coming straight out of the dictionary. No doubt that it will get in the way of my practice. That’s something I need to work on. And I know that I can do it, my heart will open, that flower will bloom, and we’ll wait and see.

So that is my journey of self-healing and releasing blockages. It is constantly a work in progress. I don’t need to be perfectly healed to start working with people, but I have to put in the effort to let go of all of my self-doubts and put work into starting my practice too.