Week 7
June 29, 2025 — Week 7
I can’t believe I’m already more than halfway through the first trimester. It’s been quite a journey. Every week feels like a month — so much can happen in just a few days. And here I am, quietly observing it all, making notes with a curious heart. Some days, that heart feels open and full of light. Other times, it’s heavy with sadness. There have been tears of joy, and tears of sadness. And I only found out about this baby a month ago. It feels like I’ve lived a lifetime since then… and yet, it’s only the beginning.
My heart is soft and tender — especially around 4 to 5pm each day, when the waves of nausea rise, and I just want to curl up and disappear into sleep by 8pm. Most days I feel drained — no desire, no drive, no ambition. My body is doing its sacred work, but it no longer feels like mine. I know it’s going through a massive transformation. Every cell is working tirelessly to welcome this new life — this other presence — within me. It’s learning to make space and make peace. And the best I can do is to offer it love and care. Not just for the baby. For me, too.
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My baby is the size of a blueberry — and somehow, it’s already turned my world upside down. Isn’t that wild? It’s the butterfly effect that I’ve always been referring to for years, and finally I understand the magnitude of it. “A butterfly flaps its wings and it started to rain”. I can’t believe that I’m quoting Ted Mosby right now, but I really am.
I’m also learning how important vital energy is, funny enough, that was my specialty but I don’t really know the value of energy until I have none of it. Without vital energy, the body feels heavy, the heart closes and the mind goes quiet. It takes energy to dream, to create, to move forward, to stay positive, to have good thoughts. When energy is low, it’s easy to spiral into stillness, depression and feel stuck. Sometimes a little walk, music, or fresh air helps — but ultimately, the body really just needs deep rest, nothing fancy. I let my body rested whenever it needs and one day, it starts to wake up. When it’s rested, the energy returns, and with it, life begins to flow again. I’ve been lying around like a bum for days. And today — finally — there’s a glimmer of energy again. It’s so precious.
Another lesson: everything is temporary.
That’s what I keep reminding myself. The exhaustion is temporary. The sadness is temporary. Even the joy and energy are fleeting. Nothing is permanent. These emotions come in waves — hormonal, mysterious, and unpredictable. So I remind myself: treasure the good moments, and stay grounded through the hard ones.
Motherhood is just beginning for me. And even in this tender, unpredictable stage, my heart overflows with gratitude. I feel so blessed to carry this life within me. I feel supported — by both families, and by J too. He may be far away in China, but I know we’re building something beautiful together. A family of love, healing, and growth.
