Full of Life
The clock struck 12. It was noon. As usual, I turned off the alarm.
What am I even supposed to do, waking up? I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have a person I can meet. I wake up to a cold breakfast almost everyday. The laptop has accumulated dust after being untouched for several days. Words coming out of my mouth is a rare event now. I barely answer calls or reply to messages.
I have a degree. A degree that won’t get me anything. I have parents, and I can call them fairly rich- but what use is all the wealth for, they cannot even help their own son. They wouldn’t fund my business idea. They wouldn’t help me settle in life. “We can help you to an extent, but it’s better if you’d figure out things on your own now” is what they say. Can I not even rely on my own parents? Who else am I supposed to ask help from? They took care of my needs till now, why not fund my business?
Those thoughts have consumed my mind. I don’t feel like doing anything else. It feels like I am stuck on a never ending loop. Maybe, I should just force myself out of bed and go out. So, I did it. I got myself out of bed. Where should I go? Maybe a visit to the college I graduated from? No, it feels too early to go there, especially with nothing going on in my life right now. Maybe, I’ll just go to a park, relax, see the people outside and forget the storm in me for a while.
I took a stroll around the park, looking here and there. After a while, I sat down. I heard a voice behind me,”Arjun! I did not expect to meet you here”. She was Meera, a friend from school. We had played together, sang together, shared stories and gossips together in school. Down the line, things changed, she moved cities and I remained in the same place.
I greeted her and asked the reason why she was here. She explained to me that she wanted to spend some time in this city and that she would be leaving after a few days. She reminded me of the time we had sneaked out to get some icecream, only to get caught by the teacher five minutes later. We laughed at how ridiculously we had executed the plan we made. At that point, something felt lighter, I forgot about everything that was bothering me. School memories rushed past me. Then came the question, the question that I dreaded, “So, what are you doing now?”. Should I embarass myself and say nothing? Surely, I wasn’t ready for that. Therefore, I ended up narrating the story of my life. She listened carefully. After I was done, she said something, “You have no idea how lucky you are, Arjun. You can actually start over whenever you want. Will your parents live your life for you in the future?”, “no”, I replied. “When you can work for a few years in the beginning and fund your own business, or take a loan, for which you will be responsible, why ask someone else, especially when they aren’t willing to help?”
That night, I couldn’t sleep. Meera’s words were still resonating in my ears. All my life, I haven’t figured out what I wanted to do. I haven’t thought once about what I want to be. It was always my parents who did that for me. They decided which college I’d go to, which course I’d pursue. They paid for all my expenses until I was listening to them. Now, I have my idea, why would anyone else fund it? Life goes on perfectly well until, we have to fend for ourselves. Meera seemed to have a point there and her idea seemed reasonable too.
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One decision to wake up, one decision to go out, one conversation- that was all it took to change the direction of my life.
Life was going on, I started saving to invest in my business. That one day, I was going through my messages. There was one unread on the class group, it was an image.
Meera.
Rest in peace.
How could it be?
I stared at my phone in disbelief.
I immediately called up a classmate. “She was suffering from a disease, a heart disease, her parents said. It seems that she wanted to spend her last days in this city and had been here a few days ago. Her parents couldn’t afford her treatment and all her relatives turned up against them” he explained.
We don’t realise how privileged we are. I had the time, energy, and everything needed to build my life, yet, I did not take any action. Meera wanted that opportunity, she wanted to live, but she was running out of time. She made no mention of her condition when we were talking. She spoke as if, everything was perfectly alright. She was so full of life.
She is so full of life…..
