Sayang
“Nothing is worse than an opportunity that could have changed your life.”
Dreaming of becoming an author one day was an ambition I had back in high school. Reading fiction books was almost an obsession as the euphoria of being the character itself, plays in my head as I read through the pages. It was like living in an alternate universe.
The play of words as the author weaves them into these fascinating stories, how the characters were described perfectly as if it was a real, live person that you wonder if that prince or princess may exist in this mundane world.
Years gone by and in my 30s, I was finally able to write a book and have it sold locally. The smell of ink on paper fresh out of the printing press, when the publisher sent me a copy of the book was bibliosmia at its finest. I closed my eyes fanning the pages of the soft-bound book to my face that day, letting my brain register that yes, that smell is coming from a book I painstakingly wrote for months on end.
Friends, family and even strangers were able to buy a book and send their positive feedback my way. I was so proud of myself.
So then I thought of extending my audience reach by taking a moonshot chance for an international release. Sent the manuscript over to a publisher recommended by a mentor and crossed fingers that it may be evaluated and considered.
Just less than a month after I’ve sent the manuscript, the publishing company replied. As I checked the email, I was already expecting a rejection letter of sorts but to my surprise, it was a proposal letter for publication of my book.
I could not believe what I was reading, I had to rub my eyes twice and check if I might be seeing an illusion but did come to realize it was legitimately a business letter with a contract attached to it.
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My heart skipped a beat for a moment and I stood up from my chair and paced around to calm myself.
I read through the proposed publication process and seeing the promotions for TV and radio, I could not believe it.
Scenarios ran through my head now and caught myself smiling silly, seeing my reflection on my bedroom mirror. I was getting ahead of myself.
Wow. So this is what having a book agent, an editor and a publishing house feels like.
The feeling of finally being considered relevant had me believe at one moment, that I may actually be an adult worthy of recognition.
But then, as I read through the financial aspect of the proposal, the lucid dream has finally ended and like a colorful soap bubble that popped, I was abruptly snapped back to reality.
For as it is, I would need to invest as I have done previously with the local release of my book. And since we are talking international the amount provided was not something I can afford. Yeah, nope.
I am a widowed parent of two teenaged kids about to finish high school and this dream will need to come to a halt.
But one thing at least, I was assured of. That my writing does have potential for international release. And just for that, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.
Who knows? Maybe someday, I will.
