Black
Hey, how you doing? I hope you’re doing well.
I like to think i am a self perceptive person, I think about myself and how I come across to people more often than not. And in all of my thinking and thoughts I have concluded that I am in essence not as good as people think. I have the tendencies to be evil, vindictive, petty, mean and self centered.
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Yes I got very attached with things, items and was impulsive on so many levels and on trying to hold on I sucked all the colour out of it. The thoughts never stop haunting me, they are as persistent and annoying as me and leave me thinking, no shouting why why can’t it be me. I have ruined so many things by being selfish and also ruined so much of me by doing the same holding on too long.
Another thing I realize is I am very quick to put people in a pedestal, and anything they do becomes perfect. I give them the power to single handedly dictate how I feel, what I feel and I am surrounded by thoughts of them, feeling of them laughing and words spinning around my head untill I am at the end of the day, sun settled down and everything becomes black. What happens when everything is black, the brain shuts off and its a blank canvas with nothing but the memory of them not their empty and desolate as all hell. It feels like they were everything and they gave everything they could. And Here I am reaching out with my empty hands offering all the things I remember about them, but it calms down aeventually and its black but a empty anything can happen from here black, a positive black.
Finally everything passes and i look back and think, I know you’ll be a beautiful star in somebody elses sky but why can’t it be mine, and slowly move on, hopefully.
