SHE TRIES
“Stop being nice to everyone”
I have heard a lot of this advice from almost everyone who knows me enough to say this.
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But maybe it’s the young me who grew up to continue thinking that it is perhaps important to be everyone’s favorite. The one that grew up on the idea of people pleasing so she tries-
She tries to be friendly. She tries to keep her heart out on her sleeves despite knowing the fact that the heart is going to get broken into a thousand pieces, a thousand times again. And she tries. She tries to achieve what others did, perhaps more because maybe that’s the way your worth gets known. And she tries. She tries to do everything it needs to get attention because for once she wants to be appreciated. And she tries. She tries to make everyone happy, and satisfied with her. And she tries. She tries to keep up with the expectations set forth for her, because then maybe she would get that equal love. She tries to be good at doing all this despite the fact that she fails miserably, despite the fact that it hurts her more than it did the previous time, despite the fact she hates failing, and yet she does it without a break.
So how do I stop being nice? That’s perhaps the only thing I know. Despite the fact it gets me used more than I can now keep a count of. For at least a brief moment, it keeps me in their minds. If I do what they want, maybe they will like me a little bit more. And what if I stop being nice, what if I fail at this too?
But maybe this time, I am ready to fail.
